So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I had a student with me doing patient visits a while back. Lots of roadworks between two of the patient's houses on our route, it was only when we got there I realised I had been pointing out every digger and construction vehicle on the was as DS loved watching them when we were driving and I was so used to doing it. The poor girl had been politely nodding and saying oh yes every time.

Asking at my hair salon the price of a cut and blow job.

That’s sooooo funny! I’m crying here

😂😂😂😂😂😂😆

Years ago, a colleague was at the station and waved to someone getting off the train. The face was so familiar, he was sure it was someone he knew. The person waved back and made a beeline for him. Colleague's heart sank as David Attenborourgh approached him, believing colleague was a taxi driver taking him to the tv studio.

Oh my god.
I'm dying at the 'spray tan hat that even had holes for your ears'.😂😂😂

Not an embarrassing moment but a really funny one!

Went into our local butchers to ask for some bones for my Shih-Tzu. So the conversation went like: do you have any spare bones? The guy behind the counter asked me: what animal? I paused for a bit and clarified: mmm, dog? He replied, absolutely deadpanned: sure, give a few minutes, woof, woof.

I have no idea why I was thinking that he was asking me what animal the bones were for! 😂 I mean, duh...

Oakey day!

Oakey doke v's ok

😂😂
I love random 😂

I replied with my own name to someone. They say hi fluffy, I responded hi fluffy! 😂 this is in person across the street. Still think about it 20 years later.

I once said to an acquaintance as I was leaving an event: ‘Goodbye. It’s been lovely seeing you. It’s been great’ - we were attending a funeral. I was mortified.

I was at my sister's. She was waiting on a delivery from Ocado. Doorbell went well she was upstairs. I answered the door and shouted upstairs "avocado's here" the guy laughed and said "it's Ocado." I had no place to hide

Friend called a garage to enquire about the cost of changing her car’s tyres. She was asked what manufacturer were the tyres she wanted to replace.
She answered: Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear
guy at the other end of the line couldn’t stop laughing

She only realised what had happened when later told her husband about it
Finally bought the Goodyear tyres from another garage

A friend of mine once said the part of the plant was clitoris instead of chlorophyll to the teacher in front of a whole class of a level students. She was forever known as clit

I love this thread! Wheel of Misfortune on BBC Sounds has loads of little stories like this too.

If you want to make yourself feel better OP, I'd recommend giving it a listen.

When my best friend and l were teenagers in the 70s we were nuts on a particular musician, we went to a lot of his gigs.
We got to know him quite well, having met him a few times and we'd get invited backstage before the gigs (nothing dodgy at all, he was genuinely lovely, very kind, and a real gentleman).
One occasion we were talking to him in the dressing room, I mentioned a favourite song of mine he'd played on, and announced that l 'loved the orgasm bit'.
I'd meant to say crescendo, but it was obviously a Freudian slip because he was drop dead gorgeous.
His face! He went bright red, but managed to stay composed until my mate burst out laughing, then he just 'went'. Completely cracked up.
I was fifteen and absolutely mortified. I couldn't look at him.
Bless him, he was so kind, he laughed and hugged me, and said he liked that bit of the song as well.
I still go hot and cold when l think about it. And my friend's never let me forget it.
Fifty years later, she still brings it up occasionally.

I had similar in science - I very innocently wrote "Living Orgasms", instead of "Living Organisms". Didn't know what the word orgasm meant at the time - I must have been a very innocent 11 year old!! Thankfully it was written in my excersize book, rather than said out loud in front of the class, although my dad read it when he checked my homework, which makes me cringe to this day 😳.

Haven't checked but Hope someone has signposted this

Feeling a bit of a fraud in my new job I had to go to a senior level meeting which I was really stressing about. My new director was, I thought, going to introduce me but instead he asked me to introduce myself. I went completely blank and couldn't remember my name so just said "<Surname>" followed by a pause then said "<Surname>, my name is <Surname>. <Firstname> <Surname>" like some stupid James Bond wannabe. After the meeting he sat me down and suggested I might like to plan in advance what to say when I introduced myself at future meetings 😳

Not me but after my mum died in an accident I had to tell her gardener. He was fond of her and seemed very shocked, he must’ve tried to say “terrible” and “horrific” at the same time because he actually said “that’s terrific” 😳😳. He looked mortified and quickly settled on terrible

Perhaps this is why your lifts home are so infrequent 😂

Back when I was at school we were in science and the teacher asked what would happen if the earth heated up 3 degrees. I enjoyed science but it wasn't my strong point. Unfortunately for me our teacher picked me to answer the question.

I had no clue with all eyes on me I said explode. Then regretted saying it teacher then asked a friend who said ice caps will melt. The teacher then said let's hope what Lucy said doesn't happen.😂😂😂I have never wanted to put those words back so much. It's answer I will never forget as long as I live.

We had a pigeon land in our yard at work when I was a teenager. The owner picked it up and almost threw it. (I know, he was a pig). Fortunately the bird took flight and went.

My friend shouts excitedly. ‘Oh look, he thought he was in an ejaculator seat!’

Oh and I once signed off a phone consultation with my GP ‘Thanks hun’.

Placemarking to read when working tomor.