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What is life really like in the UK?

186 replies

YellowEyePenguin · 11/09/2023 02:24

I apologize in advance for the long post! But I would really like to get some opinions from people.

My British husband and I (also British) are currently living in Dunedin, New Zealand, with our two daughters, ages 6 and 8. We've been in NZ for 15 years now and are really considering moving home to the UK. We never intended to stay in NZ but, long story short, accidentally got swept along with life and are still here. On the whole life is pretty OK. We're very happily married and our kids are at a wonderful school. We're also really lucky that my sister and her family live in the same city. However, we just pine for home. We're both very close to our families but find, because of the time difference, it's incredibly hard to keep in touch as much as we'd like, and our parents are now in their mid seventies. I feel scared at the thought of missing out on their last decade or so. And wish my children could have a relationship with them.

On top of that we feel like it's so hard to make any connections here. We love our house and the wildlife and coastline. But we have very few friends and so most of our time is spent as a little unit of four. We're also increasingly frustrated by the enormous cost of living and the fact that we'll never be able to afford to improve our house (for example, double glazing would cost $70,000 and so we're forced to constantly battle the mould and the condensation). We can't afford to explore the rest of NZ and so are confined to our small, geographically isolated, city. Any money we do have goes into a separate account used for trips to visit home. And we're miserable at the thought of growing old here.

The issue is that we are trying to decide what to do for the best; particularly for our girls' sakes. Both of our parents are really concerned that we want to return to the UK and they believe that NZ offers a better life for them. Both sets of parents have mentioned that the UK doesn't feel as safe anymore, with increasing violence and aggression since Covid. And that there is a general feeling of despondency in the country.

We don't feel that NZ is the utopia that a lot of our family seem to think is. It has its own political, economical and social problems. But we're really trying to gauge whether our parents' concerns are true. We know the country will be different to when we last lived there and expect to have dissatisfaction with various things, but hope that being close to family again, and the countryside etc will outweigh it.

Id love to hear how you all feel the situation in the UK is at the moment. And I do know that it is entirely subjective and will depend on where you are, your income, your relationships and so on. I'm just going round and round with the looming decisions, especially as I would want to move relatively soon, while my daughters are still young.

We're hoping to relocate to Norfolk.

Editing to add that my major concern is the children. They are both very sensitive and find change challenging. In some ways i feel like life could be better for them in the UK, but I worry that they might be really impacted by the upheaval. Also, their school is just amazing, very nurturing and supportive and I would be so sad to leave it.

OP posts:
Barbiesback · 11/09/2023 14:23

Read your first couple of posts. Come home (UK). The school situation is a little tricky but ultimately you don't sound happy in NZ. Poor health could take anyone at any given time.

cheezncrackers · 11/09/2023 14:25

And one PS - I don't feel less safe or feel that the country itself has got less safe. I was mugged in London in the 90s - it wasn't very safe then! Obviously feeling safe or not will entirely depend on where you live - but unless you're going to move somewhere that is actually unsafe you'll find it very similar to NZ I think and pretty similar to how it's always been.

bombastix · 11/09/2023 14:29

Housing is very expensive. In a good area even more so. You can neither rent nor buy cheaply.

Public services in poorer areas are on the floor. Be realistic as to what you can afford. It is not going to get better for many years

YukoandHiro · 11/09/2023 14:31

The main thing I think you'll notice coming back is the extremely high cost of living.

For example, in London and the south east two pints in the pub is now routinely £15. A light pub lunch plus a drink can very easily come to £40+ a head.

It makes everything a bit less comfortable and fun than it was before.

Lastchancechica · 11/09/2023 14:32

Just to day good health isn’t guaranteed either.
We arrived home and shortly after I needed a major operation that came out of the blue. We needed so much support for months. After that it took a long time to recover - nearly a year! I don’t know how we would have managed.
So although it’s easy to imagine you will be well and healthy forever when young, things can go wrong.
That also happens to family, parents etc.

theresnolimits · 11/09/2023 14:40

According to Numbeo cost of living is 8% higher in NZ so not sure the COL issues are the key factor here
https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=United+Kingdom&country2=New+Zealand

When we moved back after 5 years we were told it takes one month for every year you’ve been away to adjust, until after 7 years you never really adjust - you’re always comparing.

Much depends on the type of person you are I think - are you able to be positive or will you always be regretful. How did you manage moving out to NZ - was it easy or hard? That might give you a sense of how you will feel moving back.

Cost Of Living Comparison Between United Kingdom And New Zealand

https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=United+Kingdom&country2=New+Zealand

PurpleMonkeys · 11/09/2023 14:43

Barnowlsandbluebells · 11/09/2023 14:16

In truth, a lot of this post would also apply to NZ.

Edited

A lot of it would probably apply to every country, but I have no first hand knowledge of those countries, only this one and only.my life.

Born in 79 to immigrant parents and raised during the 80s when the dole and unemployment were rife in our little world. Nepotism never factored in to my.life as it has and does for others. There's no death and a bequeathed windfall that's helped me either. 20 years working my arse off, as I was told I should, has seen my body break and spirit destroyed whilst the neighbours of my bosses and friends of my managers get handed promotion and starting salaries higher than I'd earned my way too.

Now social housing in a rough town, trying to help others worse off than me to improve their lot in life and their lot, is so pathetically small compared to those of people surrounding us. It make me want to rage and burn the fucking world down, starting with the tossers that voted tory and that have sheds bigger than 90% of the homes that the people I help are forced to live in.

It sickens me to my absolute core that those that have many Pies can vote to remove the pies from those that haven't even tasted one yet and are starving to death. I don't know if I hate this country, the people in it, the political set up or whether I have so many chips welded to my shoulders I can only ever sink into hatred and rage for the entire world.

But... that is beside the point of the thread I suppose.

dottiedodah · 11/09/2023 14:45

Lifeisshitjustnow I am not saying life is perfect here and we live in Nirvana! Im just pointing out wherever you live ,no where is perfect.There are problems everywhere.Its not a race to the bottom no ,but there is a lot to like about this Country as a whole .The Govt is not to my taste ,but Labour isnt the answer everyone thinks it is .It annoys me that people complain about UK life ,but still live here and dont make any attempts to move abroad! I am no "little Englander" and accept lots could improve ,but there is a lot to be happy about.We live on the beautiful south coast ,and enjoy trips to New Forest ,Beaches and a trip to London sometimes .Wonderful scenery .history and enough to keep you going without need to travel abroad if you dont want to!

Hatesf1 · 11/09/2023 14:50

I wouldn’t be returning to the UK at the moment things are dire - failing and crumbling infrastructure, very little works well. Is possibly wait 2-3 years to see if a new government can turn the ship but in my opinion it is likely to get significantly worse.

cheezncrackers · 11/09/2023 14:51

How long is your A&E wait? Here, people are waiting 12 hours+ even when very unwell.

Re: all the posts about the NHS, the horror stories you see in the press about ambulance wait times and quotes like above - this is not across the board. I've (unfortunately) had to access A&E/Urgent Care for my DC several times in the past two years as they will keep having accidents and playing rough sports and I can say, without exception, that we've never had to wait longer than 3-4 hours to be seen and usually it's much quicker than that. You can get unlucky, for sure, and some areas are worse than others, but my many experiences of the NHS lately have shown it to be largely unchanged since 2019.

Barbiesback · 11/09/2023 14:56

@cheezncrackers I went to A&E on Sunday and I waited less than 45mins for my DC.

Barnowlsandbluebells · 11/09/2023 14:57

@PurpleMonkeys I'm truly sorry for what you've experienced in the UK - and for those that experience similar as immigrants in other countries. My DH is not British and my lovely MIL (sadly no longer with us) was an immigrant from one of the world's poorest countries, so through her, I have some level of understanding at the anger you feel at inequality an d unfairness.

JaneyGee · 11/09/2023 15:07

I was born in 1976 and have lived here all my life. In many ways I'd say the UK is a better place than when I was young – it's cleaner, smarter, more efficient, less stuffy, less insular and less class-bound. As you can see from this thread, however, it is full of people who hate it (partly thanks to the liberal-left woke madness). Hating their own country is one of the few things Brits excel at.

Yes, the NHS is struggling, but that's inevitable, since we have an ageing population. The baby boomers are getting old, and it's costing us a fortune. To make it worse, people now live longer, but in poor health. I have several relatives in their 80s who are kept going by statins, blood thinners, and so on. Thirty or forty years ago they'd have died. Also, people eat junk. I work near a Tesco and all day long you see chubby, unfit people eating bags of crisps or donuts as they leave the store and walk to their car. They can't even wait till they get home. Still, these problems are also facing most of western Europe and North America.

As for crime, hmm, well, I wouldn't say Britain is more violent. It was a violent place back in the '80s.

Education is better, certainly in England. I went a rubbish state school in the late 80s and can say for sure that it's better today. Primary school children in England now rank fourth in the world for literacy, just behind Singapore and Hong Kong. People complain about the homework and rigorous testing and league tables, etc, but they get results. Kids are pushed much harder now.

For me, the absolute worst thing is the crowding. There are just too many people squeezed onto this little island. If you move back, be prepared for a faster pace of life. The traffic, in particular, is a nightmare. Also, much of the countryside is being ruined by horrible new housing estates. But I do think the UK is an interesting place to grow up.

NCyousee · 11/09/2023 15:11

Hating their own country is one of the few things Brits excel at.

I like how you managed to get a bit of criticism of Britain in here even while castigating other people for criticising Britain 😭

Beurla · 11/09/2023 15:12

If you may need healthcare in the future, especially for non life-threatening but life-altering conditions, I would not move here.

Waiting lists to see a specialist are 1-2 years long in some cases, certainly for me in recent years. It's gotten really really bad since the Tories got in.

Teddleshon · 11/09/2023 15:25

Government spending on the NHS has risen considerably in recent years and as a percentage of GDP is now is now on a par with many, far more successful, international health care systems.

Hatesf1 · 11/09/2023 15:26

@JaneyGee makes a good point about overcrowding - it’s horrendous, Motorways gridlocked and going to an attraction or do something touristy it is getting worse.

Also I love the UK but I can’t stay here and a lot of people I know are making plans to get out.

BlooDeBloop · 11/09/2023 15:34

Teddleshon · 11/09/2023 15:25

Government spending on the NHS has risen considerably in recent years and as a percentage of GDP is now is now on a par with many, far more successful, international health care systems.

It may be on a par now but the under investment for so long, with demand rising, has decimated healthcare in this country. It's like having a house where you never pay maintenance. Then when the roof falls in you start paying a bit more to patch it up. It isn't the same as year in year out investment.

ell87 · 11/09/2023 15:40

@PurpleMonkeys

For what it's worth, your experience with working hard for 20 years and seeing other more privileged people get ahead, is not just an experience shared by people of ethnic minorities, it's also the experience of a lot of working class brits as well.
It's the same reason I was moaning on another thread about how the college (A level) next to my daughters college (practical) has dedicated and subsidised regular transport and her college which has a lot of less privileged people attending has no transport.
So I agree that the less wealthy aren't prioritised and aren't help in the ways they should and too many people in this country have a very rough deal.

TailorSwiftwouldworktoo · 11/09/2023 15:40

we denigrate it for very good reason. My DC have a great life. We are comfortably off, they had a superb private education, got first class degrees from top 10 UK unis. But it's not all about me me me

You're the one who's making it about you you you. Who cares if your kids were privately educated? Kids can achieve what yours have done through the state system.

Like I said, millions have great lives in the UK. I doubt OP spends much time angsting about poverty in NZ. She wants to know if she can have a great life in the UK. And she can.

Goldcircle · 11/09/2023 15:46

The fact your kids are sensitive and it a fabulous nurturing school would make me stay!! The uk school system is shocking especially at high school level!!

Lastchancechica · 11/09/2023 16:00

Goldcircle · 11/09/2023 15:46

The fact your kids are sensitive and it a fabulous nurturing school would make me stay!! The uk school system is shocking especially at high school level!!

Not my experience at all!! Children have a great education here and access to the best universities in the world! Seriously how many NZ universities are listed as global leaders? None.
We need to raise children that can at least manage in the real world, whilst being mindful of their nature.

Goldcircle · 11/09/2023 16:16

Lastchancechica · 11/09/2023 16:00

Not my experience at all!! Children have a great education here and access to the best universities in the world! Seriously how many NZ universities are listed as global leaders? None.
We need to raise children that can at least manage in the real world, whilst being mindful of their nature.

Missing the point about op having sensitive children…

bombastix · 11/09/2023 16:19

Well schools have discipline issues perhaps but truthfully UK education is much better than NZ. So something to think about. The university point is true. The UK has great universities which are easier to enter if you are educated here

ProfYaffle · 11/09/2023 16:20

I live in South Norfolk and have worked in Norwich for about 20 years. It's a great city, pretty, historic, young, vibrant and lefty. Like any city there are good bits and bad bits but I'd say it's definitely towards the better end of life style in the UK.

The main thing to consider is that it's relatively small for a City. Employment opportunities at the very senior end and quite limited though if you're not heading for the lofty heights it's likely fine.

Think about transport as it's a rural County. Some villages have good bus services into the City. Diss, Wymondham and Attleborough have trains into Norwich.

Have a look at this; https://www.workinnorwich.co.uk/

and this https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4851210-a-day-in-norwich?reply=127989610

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