Who pays on dates

[Pussycat02]

Iv been with my bf six months we see each other 3 times a week but only go out to eat once a week , we are both in our fifties and have good jobs , we don’t eat at expensive restaurants when we go out and he always pays , suddenly this week he said he thinks we should go Dutch on dates , I have to add that usually every month or so I foot the bill to say thank you as feel this is right . I feel a bit upset as to be taken out once a week I feel he should want to pay as I’m his lady , am I being totally wrong here , I feel he’s suddenly changed the goal post from insisting on paying for me to going Dutch , I Woukd appreciate some advice

*Cooking takes a lot of time and effort as well as money.£

Obviously that statement depends entirely on what you are cooking. It's perfectly possible to prepare lovely meals that do not take hours or cost a fortune in ingredients.

We alternate the bill. He probably pays a bit more often than I do but I also make sure I have food in he likes when he comes over.

Given you cook twice a week and pay once a month I think things are very even.

Why don’t you suggest that he cooks once a week - at his place and see what he says.

50-50 is not just the paying for outings, it should be other times spent together too - so making the house nice, planning and cooking the meals. Remind him of that.

And if he blinks I’d ditch him.

He doesn’t value your contribution at all

@Pussycat02

It’s just I don’t want to be taken for granted and dating has changed so much , I’m Greek and I suppose in my community it’s more traditional that men foot the bill , well it was 30 years ago

@Pussycat02 - I don't think it's got anything to do with being Greek re footing the bill. My current boyfriend is Cypriot and though he foots the bill generally I wouldn't expect him to. In fact we dated 11 years ago and once he suggested I pay (but this was after him showing me an expensive pair of shoes he'd bought that day and claiming he was broke) - so I said no. His attitudes have changed since then luckily but I certainly don't expect him to pay.

It's not 1950. Pay for yourself. It's not like he's leeching off you and asking you to suddenly pay for him too. It's completely normal to go Dutch.

Sorry op - just read that you cook him big dinners twice a week. I'd reduce that to one meal then going forward

It's only right for each to pay their way either by taking turns or splitting the bill.

And that includes home cooking!

He sounds stingy.

He takes you once a week to a not expensive place and you cook two big meals a week - depending on what you cook that sounds about even, but now he wants you to pay for your own dinner out?

That means he's not spending a penny on you, but you are spending quite a bit on him!

Bloody hell, are you a Victorian spinster? This isn’t the dark ages, you’re not a helpless maiden. Get your hand in your pocket and pay your way! In fact, seeing as he’s been paying for you all this time, you should be paying for him too to even it out.

@Westfacing

He sounds stingy.

He takes you once a week to a not expensive place and you cook two big meals a week - depending on what you cook that sounds about even, but now he wants you to pay for your own dinner out?

That means he's not spending a penny on you, but you are spending quite a bit on him!

When we go to eat out, it might be a cheap place but we still spend at least £40. When I cook at home, I’d say I spend up to £10 on ingredients if it’s a steak meal, less if it’s a pasta meal. The OP has definitely got the better end of the deal.

The 1950s called

They wanted to check when you're coming home?

Op, are you maybe a little older than you’ve said here? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone in their fifties refer to themselves as you do, older generation, his lady, older men, modern dating etc I would expect this of someone maybe in their seventies or eighties?

We want equality dont we ladies?

Its early days in the relationship so set the standards.

Make sure your relationship is equal on all counts

You cook one, he cooks one. You're not to cook for him all the time.

He doesn't pay all the time. Split the bill. Always

Be independent and do not
Rely on him to look after you

@DillonPanthersTexas

*Cooking takes a lot of time and effort as well as money.£

Obviously that statement depends entirely on what you are cooking. It's perfectly possible to prepare lovely meals that do not take hours or cost a fortune in ingredients.

Quite.

If one were 'preparing a dinner party' then it is a very different things from 'do you want to have your tea here, with me'.
Most evening meals cooked at home come in at under £10 for 4 people in my house.

Most evening meals cooked at home come in at under £10 for 4 people in my house.

OP specified a large Greek meal. That won't be a tenner.

OP specified a large Greek meal. That won't be a tenner.

It's a meal for two, if she is laying on some five course extravaganza each time he visits then more fool her.

No, but that is a choice, not an expectation. I'm inferring she therefore enjoys doing that - as many people do - so it isn't the load that some people are talking about.

OP I’ll take you out for a meal every week if you cook two Greek meals for me. 😋

@Kite22

No, but that is a choice, not an expectation. I'm inferring she therefore enjoys doing that - as many people do - so it isn't the load that some people are talking about.

And presumably he enjoys dinner out.

Or is this like when women are supposed to adore parenting and for men it super hard work they need medals for?

She's putting labour and money into cooking for him. That equals the higher money but no labour he puts in.

Hi Iv been with my boyfriend 16 months , we are both in our fifties , he recentky came off dabbing weed which I didn’t realise how much of a addict he was , he stupidly went cold turkey and since coming off has gone strange , I’m currently away on holiday with my sons and he’s not on watts app last message was to me day before I went , never even wished me a nice time , I’m at my wits end what to do

Hi Pussycat
Start a new thread as your message won’t be seen here.

You’re not his ‘lady’. Ladies aren’t for sale. Not that I think any of this is true.

@Etinoxaurus - it's the same poster who started the thread!