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Original poster

Who pays on dates

104 replies

Pussycat02 · 01/03/2022 22:09

Iv been with my bf six months we see each other 3 times a week but only go out to eat once a week , we are both in our fifties and have good jobs , we don’t eat at expensive restaurants when we go out and he always pays , suddenly this week he said he thinks we should go Dutch on dates , I have to add that usually every month or so I foot the bill to say thank you as feel this is right . I feel a bit upset as to be taken out once a week I feel he should want to pay as I’m his lady , am I being totally wrong here , I feel he’s suddenly changed the goal post from insisting on paying for me to going Dutch , I Woukd appreciate some advice

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 01/03/2022 22:10

Why do you think you should have free food?
Splitting the bill is just fine.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 01/03/2022 22:12

My advice is - pay for your share.

Why should he have to subsidise you because you're 'his' lady'?

He has probably been pissed off about it for a while, good for him for speaking up.

ShavingTheBadger · 01/03/2022 22:14

We don’t split the bill but we take turns. We earn roughly the same although he has two kids 50/50. I wouldn’t feel great if he paid all the time.

Wilma55 · 01/03/2022 22:17

What do you do the other 2 dates a week? If you cook meals for him and buy the food that might change my opinion, otherwise 50/50 or take it in turns.

MichelleScarn · 01/03/2022 22:19

Seriously? You think you're being gracious by paying once a month?!

Original poster
Pussycat02 · 01/03/2022 22:19

I usually cook for him the other nights , it’s only that we are older generation and he is wealthy , it’s just I wish he would have mentioned it sooner in relationship , most guys in fifties are old school with this type of thing

OP posts:
marcopront · 01/03/2022 22:21

I'm in my 50s and would expect to share.
However if you cook two times a week then him paying once a week seems fair.

Dumblebum · 01/03/2022 22:23

@Pussycat02

I usually cook for him the other nights , it’s only that we are older generation and he is wealthy , it’s just I wish he would have mentioned it sooner in relationship , most guys in fifties are old school with this type of thing
No they aren’t. Why do you possibly think you should be getting paid for because you’re a woman.

Pay your way. This isn’t the fifties.

TracyMosby · 01/03/2022 22:23

@Pussycat02

I usually cook for him the other nights , it’s only that we are older generation and he is wealthy , it’s just I wish he would have mentioned it sooner in relationship , most guys in fifties are old school with this type of thing
If youre cooking for him two nights then no, asking to go dutch is completely unreasonable!

You should say, moving forward, youll ho dutch one night. Youll cook one night. He cooks at him the other night. He is a cheeky fucker.

Valcaarrey · 01/03/2022 22:23

@Pussycat02

I usually cook for him the other nights , it’s only that we are older generation and he is wealthy , it’s just I wish he would have mentioned it sooner in relationship , most guys in fifties are old school with this type of thing
If you cook and pay for the food the other nights and pay for a date once a month, I think it’s more than fair he pays for a date once a week.
Etinoxaurus · 01/03/2022 22:23

Who pays for the food when you cook? 2/3 home cooked meals approx equals one meal out. TBH any arrangement or suggestion of cost sharing is fine, it’s the subsequent discussion which is key.

Kite22 · 01/03/2022 22:23

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

My advice is - pay for your share.

Why should he have to subsidise you because you're 'his' lady'?

He has probably been pissed off about it for a while, good for him for speaking up.

This ^

Why don't you pay all the time because "he is your man" ? Confused

I would expect to either split the bill or take turns when going out with someone (don't know if relevant but I am in my 50s too - this is what has always been the case in my lifetime).

Valcaarrey · 01/03/2022 22:23

@Pussycat02

I usually cook for him the other nights , it’s only that we are older generation and he is wealthy , it’s just I wish he would have mentioned it sooner in relationship , most guys in fifties are old school with this type of thing
If you cook and pay for the food the other nights and pay for a date once a month, I think it’s more than fair he pays for a date once a week.
Original poster
Pussycat02 · 01/03/2022 22:23

Look I’m no spoilt prima Donna I’m just out of touch with modern dating and just wanted advice , it’s so diff as things have changed over the years and a lot of older men still insist on paying

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 01/03/2022 22:24

@Kite22 but op is paying for far more than he is. Confused

DelurkingAJ · 01/03/2022 22:24

I’m in my 40s and it wouldn’t ever have occurred to me when dating to let the chap pay. DM (in her 70s) said it just meant you’d accept an unequal relationship. So I don’t think you can blame it on your age!

Anniefrenchfry · 01/03/2022 22:24

@Pussycat02

Look I’m no spoilt prima Donna I’m just out of touch with modern dating and just wanted advice , it’s so diff as things have changed over the years and a lot of older men still insist on paying
You’re only in your fifties ! 😂
InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 01/03/2022 22:25

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

My advice is - pay for your share.

Why should he have to subsidise you because you're 'his' lady'?

He has probably been pissed off about it for a while, good for him for speaking up.

This
PurpleDaisies · 01/03/2022 22:26

Wanting someone to pay because you’re their lady is just embarrassing.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/03/2022 22:26

Rubbish. You should pay 50/50.

What decade do you live in?

My BF is in his 50s and I’m fast approaching it. We split everything down the middle.

DarkCorner · 01/03/2022 22:27

If you’re cooking roughly 8 x a month and paying for dinner 1 x a month and he is paying 3 x per month (approx) that seems fair. I wouldn’t expect him to pay as a matter of course but if I had the money, I’d feel it was well spent to get 9 meals a month in exchange for paying for 3! Does he pay for food or bring gifts when you cook?

ZenNudist · 01/03/2022 22:27

You should have split from the outset regardless of how wealthy you think he is. I'd also split cooking for each other so that it doesn't always fall on you like it's the 1950s. Coking at home is not free either and costs in time and effort (shopping cleaning cooking) so this is easy for 3x a week dates: you both cook for each other once and then pay every other week. Easy!

Original poster
Pussycat02 · 01/03/2022 22:27

Thank you ladies for clarifying what is right

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 01/03/2022 22:28

Why should you pay when you're paying for him the other two nights a week?

How is food free at your house but magically costs money in a restaurant Hmm

No, you should have an honest conversation about what the costs are to the two of you

I think it's a right red flag he doesn't value YOUR food

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2022 22:28

I'd suggest alternating if the meals are usually the same, feels less mercenary than splitting but works out the same.

He's you man, why don't you want to treat him equally?