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Original poster

Why So Quick To Condem!!!!!!!

108 replies

cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:06

A thread was started earlier and it doesnt matter what it was about, but it was started innocently, niaeveley(sp) even, but certainly not maliciousley(sp)

The fact is a few people posted on it and then when they realised that the thread was a sensitive subject they were quick to condem the poster.

Instead of explaining via cat you carried on about what an insensitive thread it was. THE FACT IS YOU DIDNT REALISE EITHER OR YOU FORGOT.

Do you really think it was done on purpose, do you not think that the poster is upset too and is absolutley gutted at the upset she may have caused to one person.

OP posts:

spacemonkey · 10/10/2004 19:06

Lisa I'm sorry you have been upset by this, but this was an exceptional circumstance and not a case of censorship on the part of mumsnet. No-one thinks for a moment that you intended to upset anyone.

paolosgirl · 10/10/2004 19:20

I absolutely agree with the posts here. I was really beginning to wonder if it was just me. I contributed to a thread, innocuously and with absolutely no intention to cause offence, and caused outrage amongst some of the posters. One wanted to slap me, another vented their anger in a torrent of swear words. I was so upset, ended up apologising to everyone (although not quite sure why) and changed my nickname. I agree that there seems a number of PC cliques forming, and I'm not sure if that is healthy. I'm sure it's not the point of MN. I'm shaking as I post this in case I've offended anyone again. I'm really really sorry if I have.

Tinker · 10/10/2004 19:30

Well Lisa I don't condemn you for your thread. To me you were asking a question that could be asked in the pub, a speculative discussion about what might happen is x circumstances. I just don't see how a forum which has many diverse threads about many diverse subjects can't avoid triggering a reaction in someone about something. But I don't think that should affect anyone's right to post. This was an innocent question.

Tissy · 10/10/2004 19:42

I didn't see any condemnatory posts - just sympathy for the poster who had been affected by a similar accident. Lisa, I don't believe that you meant to cause offence for a minute, and had it not been a Sunday afternoon, I would have attempted to CAT you- I didn't think that there would be anyone at MN to forward emails on.

I don't think, however that deleting the thread was the wrong thing to do- the whole subject was the problem. Previous threads have been deleted when individual posts have been inflammatory.

Tissy · 10/10/2004 19:46

Tinker, I think the difference is that if you started this particular discussion in the pub, with the person who was affected in the room, you would get a swift kick under the table from someone, and the subject would be dropped PDQ. Isn't that what's happened here?

Tinker · 10/10/2004 19:59

I disagree Tissy. I'm not getting into an argument about it for fear of causing further upset but I don't think it's fair or reasonable to have to censor every discussion for fear that it might upset someone.

nutcracker · 10/10/2004 20:07

Well i really haven't a clue what's gone on as i didn't see the thread but i do really agree with whats been said about MN of late.

I am adictted to this site but it has been easier laetly to not come on here as there is always something not very nice going on and i know i do have to think alot more about wording and stuff when posting incase of offending anyone.

Am sorry if you were upset Lisa as i know you would not have meant anyone any pain or meant to cause offence and anyone who sat there condemming you should be well and truly ashamed of them selves.

Jennisaurus · 10/10/2004 20:11

I think Lisa said it really well. She did not mean any offense, and had she been told quickly instead of being condemned I am sure she would have maybe ask for the thread to be deleted, or quickly contacted the person she inadvertantly offended.

I think this was a genuine mistake from a very genuine person, and it makes me so sad that either she or charlie would leave because of it

enid · 10/10/2004 20:12

What about upsetting people who DONT want their posts deleted?

Whats wrong with having an arguement now and again anyway?

I certainly can't post my real feelings on lots of the mumsnet threads as people would probably spontaneously combust .

Someone said to me recently that mumsnet was turning into a girl's school and they werent wrong!

EvesMama · 10/10/2004 20:13

although not many of you will have seen my details as i have not been here long, i was totally addicted for weeks and thought everyone was so helpful, but when i was worried about my dd having a very worrying illness, i got very few replies of help (thanks to those who did). instead i found converations going on about someone eating too much cheese and other non desperate natter..i thought mumsetters were here to help each other, but like many of you have said here...its losing its shine. i understand people have been chatting for ages and some know eachother well, but its an open chat room and i genuinly thought i could get some good advice and help as well as offering anything from my exparience. shame this turned out to be wrong. people should be able to talk about what they like and not be condemmed, called a troll or frowned upon. there are some lovely girls here, but i fear others are too opinionated without knowing the facts.
sorry to have to say that but i feel remarkably let down.

JoolsToo · 10/10/2004 20:15

enid - agree - I would like to offer another analogy other than 'girls school' but I daren't

I think people are taking offence far too easily. If people just sat back and thought 'is this comment aimed at me personally?' they'd probably come up with a definite 'No' - so don't take offence.

unicorn · 10/10/2004 20:15

I think sometimes the problem is that some MN's know a great amount of other MN's history, and newbies/and not so newbies have absolutely no idea (and why should they?)

Unless there is a real intention to offend (which I don't really believe most MN would dream of doing) wouldn't it just be best to inform someone (decently) that they are treading on very sensitive ground?

tamum · 10/10/2004 20:16

Completely agree enid, nutty and Tinker. I have no idea what the thread was about, but mumsnet is becoming a much nastier place lately. I'm probably not going to leave completely, not for now anyway, but I have cut back a lot, and a lot of my favourite people have left. It's a great shame; the girls' school analogy is spot on (complete with prefects).

SoupDragon · 10/10/2004 20:19

I'm not a newbie and I would have had no idea (if it's the thread I'm thinking about). There's no way you can avoid the possibility of upsetting or offending anyone. As MN gets bigger, there's a wider range of experiences and tragedies to tiptoe your way through. Undoubtedly, you're going to step on someone sometime and you shouldn't get condemned of jumped on for it. You should just get a virtual kick under the table and a quiet word in your virtual ear.

enid · 10/10/2004 20:19

Have also cut back (thank goodness say my family, friends and work colleagues) - obv not tonight though

motherinferior · 10/10/2004 20:19

I back up Unicorn's point too. It can get very in-groupy here. I do still like it, but...

anorak · 10/10/2004 20:20

Don't feel let down, evesmama. Mners are not perfect wonderful people they are just a cross-section of ordinary people with varying opinions. It would be unrealistic not to expect them to disagree sometimes.

I think most people would post something helpful on a thread such as the one you describe, if they had the relevent knowledge. Perhaps there weren't many people here at that point who had anything useful they could offer you? And the people talking about cheese or whatever it was may not have even read your thread. People tend to stick with the same category headings and may rarely venture out of that territory. For example, I don't often read threads concerning pregnancy, conception or babies, because I feel I don't have much to say on the subject that's useful. I expect some people only read the more lighthearted categories, and why not? If that's what they need from the website, a little chat, a little companionship, some adults to kid around with for half an hour so that toddler tedium doesn't send them mad? IMO that's perfectly valid.

Tissy · 10/10/2004 20:22

I don't think we should censor every discussion for fear that it might upset someone, but I do think that threads that do upset someone should be reconsidered.

For example,in the light of the Kenneth Bigley story, I would think that even an innocent discussion about the mechanics of beheading would be considered in bad taste.(Look at the way the press lambasted Billy Connolly, even before the poor man was murdered). If one of KB's relatives was a MNer, and expressed his/ her feelings about it, it should be deleted.

I'm convinced that Lisa didn't know about this particular MNer's background, and I apologise for not attempting to CAT her, but I do think this particular thread should have been deleted. I love the spontaneous aspect of MN, but a little thought about wording won't do any harm.

enid · 10/10/2004 20:24

tissy, lol 'an innocent discussion about the mechanics of beheading'

unicorn · 10/10/2004 20:24

good point anorak!
I'm a bit of flighty mumsnetter, tend to dip in and out of all sorts.
I don't necessarily have a favourite thread.. (or even remember half the threads I have even sprouted forth on ..so apologies if I have inadvertently offended!!

Tissy · 10/10/2004 20:26

eek!, was trying to give an example, without bringing the precise subject up again

lou33 · 10/10/2004 20:36

Is everyone sure that Lisa wasn't contacted after her post and told what was upsetting the other poster?

sobernow · 10/10/2004 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cooldude · 10/10/2004 20:38

lou33 are you trying to stir it purposely. Lisa has posted how things happened and it should be left at that.

enid · 10/10/2004 20:39

but then what happens when you disagree with the majority of posters on a thread and you risk upsetting them/original poster - just keep it zipped?

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