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Original poster

Why So Quick To Condem!!!!!!!

108 replies

cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:06

A thread was started earlier and it doesnt matter what it was about, but it was started innocently, niaeveley(sp) even, but certainly not maliciousley(sp)

The fact is a few people posted on it and then when they realised that the thread was a sensitive subject they were quick to condem the poster.

Instead of explaining via cat you carried on about what an insensitive thread it was. THE FACT IS YOU DIDNT REALISE EITHER OR YOU FORGOT.

Do you really think it was done on purpose, do you not think that the poster is upset too and is absolutley gutted at the upset she may have caused to one person.

OP posts:
Original poster
cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:15

See i even posted the thread up twice as this has bothered me so much. Mumsnet is meant to be a support network and just lately it isnt.

OP posts:
carla · 10/10/2004 17:16

Sorry about that CP3. Need more info (not a thread) about what it was all about. I love MN and geuninely get sad when someone gets upset

Flip · 10/10/2004 17:19

What have I missed?

Original poster
cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:20

I think what im trying to say is why does everyone jump on the bandwagon and have a go at posters.

This poster didnt know she could upset someone so why then would people go on to have a go at her instead off explaing off line via cat so no offence could be taken

OP posts:
Tommy · 10/10/2004 17:23

Agree with carla - what happened cp? You sound very upset about it

carla · 10/10/2004 17:24

cp3, what's happened? You're obviously feeling so much for someone, but we don't know what. We don't know what's troubling you.

BigCookBen · 10/10/2004 17:29

I think I know which thread may have caused the problem but I only saw the earlier posts so didn't see any condemnation.

I hope the original poster is okay. From what I've seen on here she would never in a million years have meant to cause offence.

Original poster
cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:30

A mn lady very sadly lost her husband in an a very tragic accident.

A good mn friend of mine started a thread about a similar kind of accident not realising in the slightest that she may upset this other lady because she didnt know about it. And so she was condemmed for starting the thread and now thinks she has upset everyone. She herself is upset by this, she didnt mean any harm, and now shes fretting about it.

Im upset because some mumsnetters had a go at her when they could have gently told her why the thread could be classed as insensitive.

Hope that makes sense

OP posts:
Tinker · 10/10/2004 17:34

cp3 - I know which thread you mean. Hesitant to post even now but I wanted to post a comment about lots of threads being potentially very sensitive to some people...but felt that would be insensitive too. Difficult.

tech2 · 10/10/2004 17:35

cp3, I can see why you're upset if condemnatory remarks were made on the thread in question, however, the thread has now been deleted out of sensitivity towards both parties' feelings and there is no question of anyone from mumsnet thinking that there was any malicious intent behind the thread.

Starting another thread about a deleted thread unfortunately can draw more attention to a topic which I think we would all agree is better left alone!

enid · 10/10/2004 17:38

mumsnet is going bonkers. Rapidly going off it - too pc for my blood and too many 'deleted' threads.

Skate · 10/10/2004 17:38

CP3 - I think I know which thread you mean and I know that no offence was meant. I just didn't realise that anyone condemned her for it.

I hope 'poster' is OK - we all know that no harm was meant - it was an innocent question. I can't believe anyone had a go at her for it. It crossed my mind after I'd posted on it early on that there was the possibility someone could actually have been affected by it but I'm really sorry to hear that someone has.

Skate · 10/10/2004 17:40

Enid - it wasn't about being pc - believe me it must have been very upsetting for someone but original poster obviously had no idea.

Lets let it drop.

turquoise · 10/10/2004 17:41

I saw the thread, felt sorry for the both the person who it affected, and also for the original poster who clearly had no idea and would never have posted if she had. I didn't see condemnatory remarks but hope both parties are ok, and wish the condemners would think twice next time.

Original poster
cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:47

I started the thread cos i was upset and maybe i shouldnt. Im taking a break from mn as my negative attitude isnt helpfull and the one thing i have learned from mumsnet is that you need to be supportive. I feel im a better person because of alot of you. Thanx everyone for the support over the year. Ive made some lovely friends. But i need a break, i need to try out the real world for a while

OP posts:
carla · 10/10/2004 17:50

Well, I've no idea about the thread in question... but to fellow mn'ers ... come back

jampot · 10/10/2004 17:53

There seems to be loads of MNers going recently. Has Coddy turned up??

discoinferno · 10/10/2004 17:54

RL beckons. This is all getting too much.

carla · 10/10/2004 18:12

Well done, tech2. Still sad about what has/might have happened. But still well done.

GeorginaA · 10/10/2004 18:26

I contributed to that thread (before it became condemnatory) and really didn't think that it might cause offense, although I can see retrospectively it was a sensitive topic. My apologies to anyone who was upset by any of my comments and agree that it was fairly obvious that the original poster did not mean in any way to be insensitive.

hugs to all parties.

MeanBean · 10/10/2004 18:31

CP3 how right you are. I have no idea what the thread was or who was angry or who wasn't but I've been feeling recently that Mumsnet has become an extremely negative and bad tempered environment where people are so quick to condemn and take offence that you actually can't discuss anything in any depth. In many ways I think it's good, because it is beginning to cure my addiction - this is the first time I've looked at it since Friday! One day at a time!

joanneg · 10/10/2004 18:35

Cp3 - Please dont let this put you off posting . Try out the new world - and come on to mumsnet! You can do both. I know why you are upset and I agree with you totally. Just dont want you to leave!

Lisa78 · 10/10/2004 18:52

I was the one that started the thread in question and as Charlie says, it wasn't without any intention to offend. Another mner posted to the effect that it upset her and not knowing why I asked. To her, I would like to offer my heartfelt apologies and to say that I absolutely did not mean to cause her pain or offence.

No-one told me why, but there were a few postings after I asked, sympathising with this mner and shortly after, I received an email from another mner explaining.

I was - am - upset because I had visions of mners sitting there tutting to themselves but noone having the courtesy or courage to speak out sooner and tell me that my thread and my postings on it would be upsetting to someone, so of course, I continued blithely posting.

Once I knew, I told Charlie and as she is aware I am feeling a bit fragile of late anyway, she was cross and upset on my behalf, particularly because she feels - as do I and judging from this thread, so do some others - that this site has lost a lot of its support and fun of late. In its place has become a forum where someone takes offence at everything posted, where cliques are forming and causing others to feel excluded. I don't come on mn to feel I am being criticised or excluded. Charlie came to my defence whilst posting how we both have begun to feel about some things on here - I would not have had the courage to post this had she not started this thread.

This one is perhaps the last straw for me and perhaps for Charlie too. I've had a lot of support from mners in the past and I appreciate it, but I don't want to feel that I can't "speak" freely for fear of offending or upsetting one or more of the thousands of members here. I echo the sentiment that there are far too many deleted threads and would add there are far too many what we can't talk about issues cropping up. I appreciate your efforts tech2, and to the individual who requested the thread deleting, yes, I do understand why you requested this and maybe it was the right thing to do. But was it helpful? Not to me.

cooldude · 10/10/2004 18:57

well done lisa. That was a marvelous post.

jodee · 10/10/2004 19:05

Lisa, I'm sorry you are feeling so upset. Myself, and I'm sure those of us who posted before it became condemnatory (I didn't see the thread at that point), took it in the manner you had intended, as an innocent thread, and had no idea about the upset it was causing to another mnetter or someone would have gently mentioned it to you, I'm sure.