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Original poster

Why So Quick To Condem!!!!!!!

108 replies

cp3 · 10/10/2004 17:06

A thread was started earlier and it doesnt matter what it was about, but it was started innocently, niaeveley(sp) even, but certainly not maliciousley(sp)

The fact is a few people posted on it and then when they realised that the thread was a sensitive subject they were quick to condem the poster.

Instead of explaining via cat you carried on about what an insensitive thread it was. THE FACT IS YOU DIDNT REALISE EITHER OR YOU FORGOT.

Do you really think it was done on purpose, do you not think that the poster is upset too and is absolutley gutted at the upset she may have caused to one person.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 10/10/2004 20:39

Shouldn't think so cooldude, Lou is a moderator.

enid · 10/10/2004 20:39

heyyy (in best Tony soprano voice)

here we go again

popsycal · 10/10/2004 20:40

I feel for both parties. Clearly it was an innocent thread and I am sure that lisa would never ever maliciuosly set out to upset anyone on here. However, I also totally see the other side of it as the topic being discussed was very very close to home for one particular MNer.

JoolsToo · 10/10/2004 20:42

Actually I think 'sobernow' had a really valid point - if you're offended stay off the thread - its really quite simple - then we don't get into all this.

lou33 · 10/10/2004 20:43

Actually no I wasn't . I should have posted with my moderator name on, sorry for that. What I was saying is that obviously Lisa wouldn't have posted to offend anyone purposely, but people are saying that she should have been told why. I was replying to that, saying does anyone know that she wasn't told privately why the thread upset someone else AFTER she had written it, instead of online, which could have caused her more embarrassment.

Ridiculous to think I would try and make it worse.

emmatmg · 10/10/2004 20:45

Nutty, enid,tamum etc etc, You've all said exactly what I've been thinking for weeks.
I couldn't even guess the number of posts I've typed out the deleted because I can't say what I actually want. I don't bother any more and post only here and there and never on any of the contraversial(sp?) threads.

For weeks I've watched it crumble around us. I wonder if we'll ever get it back the way it was?

sobernow · 10/10/2004 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enid · 10/10/2004 20:46

wonder if mumsnet got seriously worried over the Gina Ford thing and now are desperate not to offend anyone hence loads of deleted threads

enid · 10/10/2004 20:49

I agree sobernow, but I don't know where the 'lines' are anymore - I have massively offended a few people in the last week by saying something that I felt strongly about but wasn't the 'party line' - I can believe that my posting DID upset people BUT still think I had the right to say it, or maybe not, who knows, that bottle of red and husband on sofa is calling...

MeanBean · 10/10/2004 20:50

I agree with Sobernow and JoolsToo. If I find a thread painful or offensive, I avoid it. I don't demand that others stop discussing it. I just don't believe I have that right. No-one forces me to log onto Mumsnet.

moderatorlou33 · 10/10/2004 20:51

Ok, here goes (takes deep breath)

Lisa78 was v obviously unaware of the emotions her post would stir with one mnetter. She is not the sort of person who would do anything nasty, hurtful etc, on purpose imo, and this was intended to be a lighthearted but quizzical thread. However, when it became clear that this particular thread was upsetting a netter, due to the circumstances of her personal life, mumsnet decided it would be better for both people to delete it, so neither of them would be upset further, and this was explained privately to both of them.

With so many members it is impossible to know the background of all, but in this case, it wasn't about being allowed or not allowed to say anything, just mn trying to spare the feelings of 2 parties.

Hth, and maybe we should stop bumping this , because it is probably making those involved even more upset.

MN is a great place for support and comfort, funny and intelligent most of the time, so we should be celebrating that, rather than dwelling on the occasional downside.

Amfs · 10/10/2004 20:51

it does seem to be turning bland and ridiculously PC and isn't half as much fun as it once was

JoolsToo · 10/10/2004 20:52

well this is a turn up - I thought I was the only one that felt this way!

Slinky · 10/10/2004 20:53

Have to agree - haven't a clue what the thread was about as I haven't been on here since last week.

Not enjoying MN as much as I did so have cut back drastically - which is great! - have done my OU assignment 10 days early . I feel it has become very cliquey/in-crowds/backstabbing which funnily enough is why I left another site and found MN.

Incidently, since cutting back on my MN time, have noticed my frequent headaches have more or less gone.

DelGirl · 10/10/2004 20:53

I saw this thread after the 'upset mner' had seen it. If i'd seen it before I would of tried to say something to the original poster but I never thought for one second that it was done maliciously. Just an innocent question as far as I could tell. I can sympathise with the 'upset mner' and do feel that although this was an innocent question some of the answers could have been put more sympathetically imo. I didn't see the thread after it took a nasty turn so obviously don't know what was said but I can't see why it should have turned so nasty when the original poster obviously meant not harm.

Skate · 10/10/2004 20:53

I'm really shocked by this thread. Not because I disagree, I don't, but I'm amazed so many feel that same as I do and I'm not an 'oldie' on this site.

There have been a few threads lately where people have been 'offended' and not even let it drop - just gone on and on about it. I made the point on a particular thread that many of you are making now - that you can't possibly know everyone's history, that you should be able to be open about your views, that debates are obviously going to get heated (and what's wrong with that). If a conversation is going on that you don't like, don't get into it - just in the same way that if you didn't like something on TV, you'd turn over. I've definitely felt that I can't be open about my opinions and have tried to stick to threads that are not in any way contentious, are light-hearted or where I feel that I can make a valid contribution based on my own experience of parenting.

In this case I can fully understand why someone was upset (in retrospect of course - I didn't know the person's history at the time) but at the same time, it was clear to me that Lisa had no intention of offending, had no idea it would be so personal to someone so why everyone openly condemned her I don't know. It was perfectly obvious that no malice was intended so I don't know why it couldn't just have been left alone. It was hardly a thread that was going to go on for days.

I certainly hope Lisa and cp3 aren't going to leave over this.

luckymum · 10/10/2004 20:54

The thread wasn't a disagreement, IMO they are fine, you read, you post or you don't bother. This particular post whilst innocently started (and I posted on it sorry) turned out to be in bad taste. It's right that it was deleted.

JoolsToo · 10/10/2004 20:54

modlou33 - agree but would just like to say that I don't think ANY Mner is 'the sort of person who would do anything nasty, hurtful etc, on purpose'

EvesMama · 10/10/2004 20:55

i agree slinky, thought id found the answers to my prayers as first posting were answered with such great help but lately it seems as if your face(hyperthetically) has to fit and afraid to say many (including mine)dont. very sad

sobernow · 10/10/2004 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moderatorlou33 · 10/10/2004 20:59

Jools, ikwym, but I was referring specifically to Lisa, not saying everyone else was horrible! We have had the odd person in the past who has signed up and just tried to wind people up though, but before you were about I think, so you would be unaware.

Skate · 10/10/2004 20:59

Now we all know that many of feel similarly, can't we agree to start posting openly and honestly and maybe things will get back to how they were (not that I was around then)?

Obviously none of us are going to go OTT and start offending people left, right and centre and tact would still be exercised!

jampot · 10/10/2004 21:01

Sadly I agree with Evesmama - I don;t feel my face fits either

Jimjams · 10/10/2004 21:01

Oh christ just realised which thread it probably was-contributed right at the beginning so didn't see it getting nasty- and have also realised that I gave a reply which was completely matter of fact. Certainly not a response I would have given to someone in RL (or on here) if knew they had been affected in that way. But then that's always going to happen on the internet. We don't know each other or our histories. I stay away from funny things kids say threads because they make me feel ill- but don't expect people to stop posting- I just don't look.

I do feel bad now as I certainly didn't mean to upset anyone - I was just answering the original question innocently, although certainly insensitively. So sorry to anyone who was upset - I was treating it as an "in the pub" conversation- although obviously I wouldn't have said it in the pub as I would have known more about people's histories.

libb · 10/10/2004 21:02

I would have been offended but the rustling of my starched knickers and the rattling of my best china teacup as I had an attack of the nerves meant I had to go and lay down.

Mum always told me sarcasm was the lowest form of wit . . .