Suggest some new rhymes for Katie Melua to use

[UnquietDad]

Young Katie's new song has obviously been co-written with Year 2.

How about

If you were a lollipop I'd suck you
If you were a low bridge I would duck you
If you were a teddy bear I'd tuck
you
in
to
bed.

If you were a curry I would eat you
If you were an infection I would treat you
If I was a hooligan I'd beat
you
in
the
head.

I haven;t the faintest idea who Katie Muela is but this is sooooooo funny

Harleyd and Boco - what can I say? am pmsl

If you were a baby I would rock you
If you were a flash car I would TWOC you
If you were a pop up I would block you
so I couldn't
see
your
annoying
mug.

Just bumping this because on Mark Radcliffe's show yesterday he asked listeners to send in their own lyrics and today Katie Melua is going to sing them! I'm sure they won't be half as funny as this lot but it might be worth a listen.

If you were a lolly-pop I'd suck you
If you were a low beam I would duck you
If you were George Clooney I would tuck
you
in
my
bed.

If you were mumsnet I would read you
If you were Cod I would heed you
If you were hungry I would feed
you
sausage
rolls

If you were Dave Grohl I would shag you
If you were my DH I would nag you
If you were George Clooney I would drag
you
to
my
room.

I heard Mark Radcliffe doing it with Emma Forbes, assumed she must be a mnetter (lurking about getting ideas for her show )

If you were a cigarette I'd smoke you
If your on facebook I would poke you
If your Claire Verity I'd choke you
and
push
you
down
the
stairs

this is the closest thing to carzy I have ever been
people on mumsnet are mean
or am i just a drama queen?

If you were a Mclaren buzzy quim with luxury footmuff I would swap you
If bits fell off it I would shop you,
Now this verse is going to flop
you
see
I
didn't
think
it
through
and
I
need
to
feed
my
kids

I have had 9 million bicycles in biejing stuck in my head for past hour

If you were made of chocolate I'd hump you
Then eat you all and dump you
If you were CV I'd pump you
full of botox
so you look your age.

(41 )

If you were a mumsnet thread I'd kill you
If you were a pita bread I'd fill you
If you were a glass of wine I'd spill
you
down
my
top

Look, I realise I am a month too late for this thread but I happen to think my verese were inspired and would like a little feedback here.

Come on - they are mildly amusing (as is your PTF)

if you were a five pound note I'd spend you
if you were a rich man I'd befriend you
if you were a meeting I'd attend you
and
take
some
notes

if you were a jug of cream I'd sour you
if you were a virgin I'd deflower you
if you were a flapjack I'd devour you
cos
I
like
oats

yay - I'm gonna go and listen to the real song in a minute as I have only heard it from a distance.

Megalegs - this is making me titter anyway..hows this one?

If you get arsey I might fight you
If you're a fart I might light you
If you follow through I'll wipe you
with
baby
wipes

Sorry to lower the tone...shall I get my coat?

the fart lighting made me LOL!.

I missed her self-parodic turn on Mark Radcliffe - how did it go?

Tee hee... this thread is making me giggle in a very childish manner!

I have a whole load of these rhymes in my warped head, most of which I think should stay there.

If you were a bagel I would toast you
If you were a pop tart
I would pop you
Under the Grill
With all these carbs
I am beginning
to feel quite ill

UnquietDad, she was a Good Sport and took it all in good humour. Mark Radcliffe and Emma Forbes hadn't been exactly complimentary about her the previous day so it was quite amusing listening to them trying to be less critical to her face! Emma Forbes was positively gushing in fact.

Top totty and a Good Sport too! My kind of woman... even if she does sing songs which sound as if Y2 wrote them.

oh dear, I now have happy memories of being stuck in traffic on the way to Kew retail park. What was it with Radio 4 around 11 am that summer?

oh dear, I realize how pathetic it is to have happy memories of being stuck in traffic. But, it was not just any traffic, it was "on the way to M&S traffic".