Suggest some new rhymes for Katie Melua to use

[UnquietDad]

Young Katie's new song has obviously been co-written with Year 2.

How about

If you were a lollipop I'd suck you
If you were a low bridge I would duck you
If you were a teddy bear I'd tuck
you
in
to
bed.

If you were a curry I would eat you
If you were an infection I would treat you
If I was a hooligan I'd beat
you
in
the
head.

pmsl dadada wtf is that

If you were hair I'd plait you
If you were a wasp, I'd splat you
If you sing anymore I'll twat you
in
your
fucking
face

is she the one who sang underwater and got a world record? only if that was her I'd like to know who let her back up again.... and why.

If you were a book, I'd read you
If you were a lawn, I'd seed you
If you don;t stop warbling I'll feed you
to
some
hungry
lions

Well harleyd [adjusts geeky glasses] La Melua's creepy svengali is Mike Batt, who was previously most famous for being the maestro behind all of the Wombles hits in the '70's, including 'Remember You're a Womble', 'Wombling Merry Christmas' and my personal favourite, 'Banana Rock'.

Great records actually. No, honestly!

Insert your own joke about working with puppets here

suddenly it all becomes clear

lol i guess im too young to know that

i guess the Fimbles turned him down and he had to find someone less musically inclined

If you were Betty Crocker I would bake you..
If you were a vampire I would stake you..
If you were a singer I would make you..
Oh no sorry you're not are you, my mistake.

harleyd have you never heard of the wombles?

cat - i remember the wombles as in great uncle bulgaria, orinocco etc - i dont remember them singing lol

You Know You Want To Remember You're A Womble

Better than any number of bicycles in Beijing. That's a fact.

When I was little I always used to hear the theme song as:

'The Wombles Of Wimbledon.
Common are We'.

I could never understand why I didn't see them in the park if they were so bloody common.

Sorry, I appear to have hijacked this thread with Wombles nostalgia.

underground overground wombling free...

that kinda rings a bell.
though i could quite hapily have lived without it lol

well tbh I think we all could harleyd

now, wombles on bicycles in beijing would be a sight to see, thats a fact

Ooh, harsh!

hey harley did you see we made morningpaper's round-up
[over-excited emoticon]

finally, recognition, lol

If you were a hotel room I'd trash you
If you were a beer bottle I'd smash you
If you were a big fat cheque I'd cash you
and
buy
some
smack

If you were an an arse I'd wipe you
On the whole I dislike you
Because the talent is so slight you'd
Better
shut
right
up

If you were a tumble drier I'd de-fluff you
If you were a parquet floor I'd buff you
If you were a pair of shoes I'd scuff you
on
a
concrete
floor.

If you were a penis I would tug you
If you were a Mooncup I would plug you
If you were a Fruitshoot
I would glug you
down
the
sink

If you were a Guru I would slap you
If you were a big turd I would crap you
If you were a baby I would strap you
to
a
missile
(and
fire
you
into
the
Lebanon)

If you were a drum I'd bang you
If you were a car I'd prang you
If you were guilty I would hang you
from
the
highest
tree

I you were leg hair I would plait you
If you were a boxer I would twat you
If you were a fish I would catch you and let you go