Suggest some new rhymes for Katie Melua to use

[UnquietDad]

Young Katie's new song has obviously been co-written with Year 2.

How about

If you were a lollipop I'd suck you
If you were a low bridge I would duck you
If you were a teddy bear I'd tuck
you
in
to
bed.

If you were a curry I would eat you
If you were an infection I would treat you
If I was a hooligan I'd beat
you
in
the
head.

Oh no! WHY did you have to bring her up? What have I ever done to you? Now I'm going to hum 'Closest Thing to Crazy' all day!

Oh, the horror! The horror!

I'd pay good money to stop her singing

Are you listening to Radio 2 UnquietDad?!! BTW The James Blunt thread yesterday had that dreadful new song of his whizizng round my head last night...GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I could look at her all day... but her songs are rather twee and trite.

Yes I'm listening to Aled sitting in for Ken Bruce. Shame he didn't do Popmaster. I'm still wincing about the mole.

She could take inspiration from Mumsnet...

"My songs are shit
and I'm full of it....."

This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known . . .

AAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I effing hate that damn song and Katie!

But have you heard the new one, expat?

i hated the damn one about the 9milion chinamen on bicycles
or whatever the feck it was

No, UD. I'd rather clean all the loos in Victoria Station with my tongue than listen to Katie again. She's dire! Noooooo.

I'm still humming that ditty of hers in my head.

This is awful!

Dp calls this music for people who don't like music.

If you were a toenail i'd clip you
If you were a sheep i'd dip you
If you were James Blunt i'd trip
you
down
the
stairs.

This is fun!

there are nine million maggots in my wheelie bin

that's a fact

pmsl @ james blunt!
nice one boco

If I were three
I could get away with singing like this
But I'm not
I'm twenty-three
But I like pouting
And swaying from side to side
All cutsey like
And you're all suckered in
Cos really I'm crap

If you were a flower I would Pick you
If you were an ice cream I would lick you
If you were a flasher I would kick
you
in
the
cock.

If you were a post-it I would stick you
If you were a stamp then I would lick you
If you were a football I would kick
you
in
to
goals.

If you were a scooter I would scoot you
If you were a computer I'd compute you
If you were a target I would shoot
you
full
of
holes.

Song's a smash
Made lotsa cash
But is it crap
or what?

blimey maybe Cliver Anderson should come and discover you talented lot!

am rofling

feeling twenty-twooooooooooo acting seveneeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

stupid arse

If you were a cuppa I would drink you
If you were a U boat i would sink you
If you had more brain you would think
this
sounds
like
mush

If you were an egg I would fry it
If you were a chocolate, I would diet
If you tried you could be quiet
so
now
please
susshh

Katie by Dead Ringers.

If you were a wart i'd remove you
If you were in my way i'd move you
If we went to court i'd prove
you
sound
like
shit