Having been there myself, admittedly with a man who was low level violent but not very often, I already know you’re minimising what he did. He kicked me but not very hard = he kicked me so hard that my leg went from under me, or he kicked me and hit me, or any other iteration of being assaulted beyond a little kick.
Plantlife When are you going to stop minimising what he’s doing to you? You know this isn’t right. What would happen if he did what he did to you tonight to his boss, or some random person in the street? Think about that. Do you think they’d minimise it and blame themselves for making him angry. I sure as fuck wouldn’t be blaming myself if some random bloke in the street ‘kicked me but not very hard,’ but hard enough to really fucking hurt, even if I really, really pissed him off. Kicking someone you live with is not any better. I’d get put away if I kicked my DS, who is currently smaller and weaker than me and is who I live with.
This will not end. It won’t end until you take control and find a way to get yourself out of there.
What are you going to do if he pushes it too far? What will you do if he seriously hurts you and won’t get an ambulance and leaves you bleeding on the floor? Do you honestly think he’ll be worrying about getting you medical attention if he really hurts you? Do you really think he thinks the police will believe him if he beats you bleeding and unconscious then tells them you did it to yourself? You already know the answer to that one, but what you don’t yet realise is that it won’t stop him. If you really want to keep him out of prison then you’d be doing him a favour by getting away from him, because men like him aren’t capable of stopping on their own.
You don’t need to be asking whether you think he’ll kill you, you need to be asking yourself why in god’s name you’re even thinking that? What about if he doesn’t kill you, he just hurts you bad enough to ruin the rest of your life even if you do get out?
Plantlife, please give yourself a shake. Do you want him to keep hurting you until you’re so physically fucked that you have no decent chance of a good life anyway, or wait until he does go too far and kill you, or do you want anything other than that? If the answer is the latter then you need to grab what’s left of your life and take control of it.
I’m sorry to sound harsh, and I’ve had a fucking awful day so I’m probably in a much worse mood than usual, and for that I’m sorry, but at this rate the only white knight coming to get you is one driving an ambulance, if you’re lucky. If you don’t fancy that then you can change that outcome, but to do that you have to help yourself.
I’m sorry to say this but by minimising his behaviour you’re not doing anyone any good. Blokes beating up their female partners is too fucking usual, a woman dyes every three days because of it; hundreds and maybe thousands of women a week are seriously injured by it; scores, possibly hundreds of women a week try to kill themselves because of it. Would you dream of telling the families of those 2.7 dead women each week that he only did it because she made him angry, and she should have learned how to make him less angry? Of course you wouldn’t, so why would you expect any of us to agree with you when you say it about you? It’s not acceptable for any one of those poor women and you do nobody any favours by accepting it for yourself, least of all yourself.