Coffee, Cake & Chat (with wine!)

[MalcolmTuckersOmniShambles]

A thread for those of us who were part of (or lurked on!) the Zombie threads.

We like coffee. We like cake. And we definitely like to chat!

Previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/other_subjects/2842166-a-whisky-whiskey-for-the-zombie

All are very much welcome! Come along and join in.

Thank you, ladies. Today's been rough, although I have had several conversations with some really lovely support workers both at DD1's school and in Child Services, as well as a couple of close friends.

DD1 was still very angry and defiant this evening, I'm past the point where I can deal with her right now, as is DH, we're both mentally exhausted. She's been confined to quarters and we'll talk with her tomorrow, when things have calmed down.

Thanks for the info re counselling, Sassy, I'll look into that. DD1's school also have an in-house counsellor that she's going to be encouraged to see, I just really want her to have someone that she can talk to freely without worrying that I will somehow find out what she's said if that's not what she wants.

EDBD - ironically, the argument this morning was because she realised she wasn't getting her phone back to take to school after her bad behaviour this weekend! All electronics banned indefinitely now. She can make do with books and crafts - imagine that, a life with no smartphone - how did we ever manage when we were children?!

Anyway, tomorrow is another day (paraphrasing one of my favourite films there, do you recognise it?!) and I'm determined it's going to be a good one as my baby is turning one and is hurtling out of babydom towards toddlerhood!

Here is a photo of his present, it's a garage with various vehicles that all sing songs and make noise, plus the garage itself is incredibly loud! I don't think I thought that one through very well...!!! 😂

Have a good night's sleep, both of you. Hope you manage without the sleeping pills, Sassy. Thinking of you.

Catch you tomorrow!

Can't see pic on my phone but will try and look on laptop tomorrow. Hope tomorrow is special and you make some really happy memories!

Sounds like you are trying to tackle this the right way and have at least begun to put the wheels in motion to get some support. I can imagine how emotionally drained you and your DH are right now. Really hope things calm down for you all

Hmmm...have been spaced out / shattered all day and now don't feel very tired....sigh.... Really need to get this sorted though as beginning to take a real toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. It has been a week now of 3-ish hrs of sleep a night...not good Right on that note best try and switch off...night!

Urgh....so did a stupid thing last night....had sudden burst of energy and wasn't tired but needed to sleep so took last couple of sleeping pills but not until getting on for 1am. Lets just say the getting up this morning was very very very hard Got lots to do today so need to crack on. Going for a cold shower now to try and wake up properly....bleurghh...hope you're both ok!

Morning! Oh dear, for you today Sassy!

I'm having scrambled eggs and bacon today.

Oh dear, Sassy, that sounds awful! I'm trying to think of anything that I can suggest which might be helpful, the only thing I can think of (which probably isn't that helpful) is that maybe you try to think of the reasons why you aren't getting to sleep, what is it that you are thinking/worrying about? If you want to write them down (doesn't have to be on here) that might be helpful as sometimes seeing things in black and white makes things clearer. Then write down anything practical you can do to tackle those problems.

I'm sorry if I'm teaching you to suck eggs so feel free to tell me to get lost!

EDBD - will be thinking of you and ED'sLad tomorrow. How is he? Not too nervous I hope. And you?

The garage was a big hit with both DS2 and DD3! But my goodness, it is noisy!!! 😱

Thanks both! Yes needed today definitely... hmm...Malcolm it's a combination of things...hangover from the break-in last week, lots of stuff I need to get done (PTA, work, general life stuff), plus complicated stuff going on with a man (always a man in there somewhere right?) which is likely to come to a head one way or the other this weekend...sigh...but yes def need to sort out sleep. Hanging today and can't even get an early night as running PTA meeting later...

EDBD echo M's comments - thinking of you and ED'sLad. Really hoping tomorrow has an amazing outcome

Malcolm just seen the garage pic properly. It looks fab! Hope things are calmer chez Malcolm today - noisy garage aside!

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, Sassy. I'm not surprised your head is whirling around at night with everything teeming through it. I'm hoping that things with your man gets resolved the way that you want them to soon. I think the uncertainty of a situation can sometimes be even worse than if it ends the way that you don't want, sometimes. I hope that you're okay and I'm not surprised the break-in is still shaking you up. Our old house was broken into, it must be perhaps 12 years ago now, but it took me ages to feel settled again and especially to feel safe going to sleep. I think it strikes at the very core of our being when the essential safety of our home is threatened. Can you afford a burglar alarm that you can set for downstairs zones when you go to bed? That's what we ended up doing in our old house and it was only that which finally helped me to feel a bit safer.

for you.

EDBD - I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Please don't feel like you have to come on and update if you aren't feeling like it, there's no pressure. But please know that you and ED'sLad will be in my thoughts all day.

Sleep well, both of you.

Thanks Malcolm. Yes, mind is whirring at night especially. As I live in rented accommodation would need permission etc but something to def think about. I think it's more other stuff keeping me awake in the past few days to be honest....but what will be will be and all that.... Anyway hope you had a better day today? How have things been with DD1? Am crossing fingers it has been a little calmer...

Again echoing Malcolm's sentiments EDBD. Sending loads of positive and healing thoughts to ED'sLad for tomorrow x

Yay! I got 6hrs sleep unbroken! I know I need more but at least it's a step in the right direction. Hopefully turning a corner

Thinking of you EDBD x

Long day at work for me today. Catch up when I can...

Sassy, that's great! I was thinking about you this morning.

EDBD - thinking of you today

Just trying to sort babies and children for breakfast, etc before the school run so will pop on later, but DD1 is behaving although still being a bit spiteful to DD2, so will need to address that later on.

Speak soon!

Picked DS2 up, had king prawn spaghetti with tomato and chilli for supper, picked DD up, she had a prawn mayo sandwich, we're all in bed now.

Evening!

EDBD - I hope today went well. I've been thinking of you.

Sassy - hope your day wasn't too manic and you get another 6 hours (or more!) tonight.

Catch you tomorrow.

Morning! Sleep not so great last night sadly. Did get some but woke up a lot so fairly broken up. Hopefully shower & will help.

EDBD did everything go ok yesterday?

Malcolm hope things more peaceful your end. Have you heard anymore from school / social services re support for DD1? Hope DD2 ok bless her.

Another longish work day for me today. Hope you both have a good Thursday!

Morning! All ready for school, had waffles and chocolate brioche rolls, watching PJ Masks.

DH woke me up at 4.58 saying "it's 5 o'clock." "No it's not, it's 4.58 and my alarm hasn't gone off yet. Fuck off. "

JUST DON'T WAKE ME UP! I'VE GOT AN ALARM!

Picked DS2 up, in the park.

Picked DD up, had supper in the Sainsbury's café, DD wasn't hungry at first so had cheese puffs, then she had bangers, mash and beans, DS2 had chicken nuggets, chips and peas, I had mozzarella pasta salad, the DC shared a coffee choux bun and a strawberry Pavlova tart for pudding, back home, we're all in bed.

EDLad's op went fine, he had an epidural.

Evening! Soooo pleased EDLad's op went well EDBD I guess it will be a bit longer until you know whether it removed everything? Really hoping for 100% success!

Busy day this end. And just finished it by combing DDs hair through to check for nits as there is an outbreak at school at mo Thankfully she's free. If they get anywhere near my hair it is a huge problem. It's literally nit nirvana! Very very thick and long. Can't even begin to get a nit comb through it! Caught them from her about 3 yrs ago....virtually had to nuke my head to get rid of them!

Just watching the last half of the sleep programme on BBC1....I really really really need to start to sleep properly again

Hope you've had a good day Malcolm?

Here's to a peaceful and sleep filled night for us all!

Evening everyone!

First things first, EDBD - that's such great news about the op! I remember you saying that it was the general anaesthetic that worried you the most, so I am so pleased he was able to have an epidural instead. Will he have to go back to some final rounds of chemo or should that be it now?

Sassy - nits!!! 😱 Was always my worst fear with DD1 as well, her hair is very thick and very curly and it's almost impossible to get a comb through, let alone a bit comb! Thankfully we managed to steer clear of them while she was at primary school. DD2's hair is quite fine, but DD3 has got the same hair as DD1 so my nightmare will start again in a few years' time! Really hoping you manage to get to sleep and stay asleep tonight, and best of luck for sorting things out with your bloke this weekend.

As for me, DD1 was violent towards me yesterday and also towards DD2. This morning it continued with verbal aggression and her spooning her breakfast all over the dining room table. I emailed her Pastoral Care leader, and she has made a referral to our MASH team which I think is a kind of link to all the social care services for young people. Not sure what's going to happen next, but I am so grateful that at least some kind of action is being taken.

Plus DS2 was up from 12-5am last night, so what with one thing and another, I'm just physically and emotionally exhausted. Except that now I'm trying to go to sleep, of course I can't. 😡 And for the past week or so, when I do manage to sleep, I have really disturbing dreams where people are angry with me, or weirdly, I keep being by a very stormy sea. Probably don't need to be Freud to work that one out! I just wish I could have one night's peaceful, uninterrupted, dreamless sleep, where I actually wake up feeling refreshed and like I have indeed slept!

I'll extend that wish to include both of you as well, shall I?!

Here's hoping! 😴😴😴

Oh Malcolm, sounds like you're still going through the ringer! Glad school are helping to support you. So hard, especially when DD1 being violent to DD2. As a parent being pre-programmed to protect our children, I can only imagine the emotional stress caused by trying to intervene when one child is deliberately hurting another younger child and not in the usual sibling falling out kinda way. Hugs!

Hmmm....doesn't look like it's going to be resolved sadly. Someone I met online almost a year ago. Was amazing for a while and then have been treated badly but very complicated. Not together but thought we were moving towards sorting things but he's baled out of meeting me so no resolution. Anyway don't want to say too much (will out myself), but v tough...but hey, am a survivor and all that!

Yes....here's to sleep. For us all x

OMG less than 3hrs sleep....neighbour called me early hours due to some suspicious activity outside and that was me awake! 😢😫😓 💤 Dodgy looking guy but nothing happened....apart from me not sleeping!!! I would write off today but not quite as simple as in work...jeez...coffee with 6 shots anyone? Hope you both had better night's sleep and you have a good Friday!

That's really not normal behaviour for your DD1's age Malcolm, I hope she gets the help she needs, for all your sakes.

Morning! I had a ham and cheese omelette today.

Picked the DC up, DD's gone to my aunt's for the weekend, wearing her PE shorts under her dress and she's lost her tights! We had cottage pie for supper, DS2 was in bed by 6 but only settled half an hour ago. I think 8.30 will be his new bedtime for the moment. I've been in bed since 8.

Evening, all! It's been a nice, calm day at Chez Malcolm, thank God! DH had a nice long chat with DD1 last night and we're trying to re-jig the morning and evening routines a bit so that she and DD2 can each have their own space apart from each other, as that does seem to be one of the main flash points. DD1 seems happier today and I know it's just a little step, but I really want her to feel like we're there to help find a way through the things that are causing her stress, as best we can. So I'm cautiously optimistic but also realistic in that I know she's very fragile at the moment and I don't think it'll take much to tip her over the edge.

Sassy - I'm so sorry you had yet another night disturbed in the most heart-pounding way. All that adrenaline rushing through you is never going to let you get back to sleep properly, no wonder you're exhausted. I do remember how I would literally rush to the window at every little sound and how unsettling it was to not feel secure in your own home. It's a terrible feeling, I truly empathise.

And I'm so sorry that your bloke is being a bit wanky about things. You seem like a straightforward, honest, decent person who is considerate of others and you deserve the same towards you.

EDBD - I get where you're coming from with moving bedtimes back slightly. We've just had to do that with DD2 and we're contemplating moving DD1 back by half an hour, to give DD2 more time to be asleep by the time DD1 goes to bed, so that there's less opportunity for arguing! I'm going to broach the subject with DD1 tomorrow and make it clear that it's dependent upon good behaviour. DS1 actually always goes to bed later than me now (he's 17)! I usually go up between 10-10.30, he usually goes between 10.30-11. I remember the days when I could party until the wee hours and still feel fine the next day - they're long gone for me now!

Fingers crossed we all have a decent night!

On that note, I'm still awake!

I might have had one too many vodkas... I will reply properly tomorrow xx