Coffee, Cake & Chat (with wine!)

[MalcolmTuckersOmniShambles]

A thread for those of us who were part of (or lurked on!) the Zombie threads.

We like coffee. We like cake. And we definitely like to chat!

Previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/other_subjects/2842166-a-whisky-whiskey-for-the-zombie

All are very much welcome! Come along and join in.

Evening!

Been a hectic day, Waterbabies in the morning, then my parents over in the afternoon and then DD1 had a friend over after school.

It got to about 9.30 and I could've sworn it was only about 7.30, 8 at a push!

Sassy I thought of you earlier. It was brilliantly sunny here this morning, then it clouded over at lunchtime and was positively grey by the afternoon! What time did you collect your sunglasses again?! 😂

I managed to get my bedding washed and in the line when it was still sunny, only to discover when I came to get it in this evening that a bloody bird had pooed on it! And it was the flipping super king size duvet cover that takes AGES to dry as well!!! 😤

EDBD - I'm so glad EDBD'sLad is well enough for his op and that it's happening so soon. I will be thinking of you both and sending lots of positive and healing thoughts your way on Wednesday!

Hoping that tomorrow is slightly less hectic!

Have a good night!

Morning! I can't hear the DC yet!

Sassy yes it has shrunk, so hopefully they'll be able to remove it all.

Morning

Sorry for all the questions EDBD fab news though! Really hoping it goes brilliantly and that's him sorted!!!

So I woke up around 3am and last time I looked at the time it was coming up to 6am. Not good DD is up playing with the cat downstairs. She's letting me have a lie-in bless her! Gonna have to sort out my sleep or am going to get ill!

Ha Malcolm, picked up my sunglasses at 3.45pm! Surprised it didn't start flash flooding by 4pm Very cloudy and ominous looking here this morning...oh well will put them in my bag anyway on the off chance!

Bloody birds! Gutting when that happens. Have got bird poo on my car at mo and desperately need to get it cleaned off!

Any nice plans today? DD and I are off to do more of the Arts Trail so looking forward to that. Hope you both have a good Saturday

In the Sainsbury's café, the DC had kids' breakfasts, I had a big breakfast.

Actually Sassy, I'm sorry for ignoring all the questions, I'm normally asleep when you ask them, and my phone's now on downtime after 7 because of my annoying, intrusive family!

No worries EDBD, didn't want you to think I was being pushy, just genuinely invested in EDLad now hence the questions. Glad you've had a nice breakfast

Actually, I've just reset it for 5.30!

Actually, I've just reset it for 5.30!

Xpost!

Oh LOL

Had chicken and bacon risotto for lunch.

Had butternut squash risotto with roasted mushrooms for supper, putting DS2 to bed, DD will go straight after.

Nice! Supper here was chicken wraps...lush! Marinade is awesome with lime and lots of spices

Had nice aft with DD going round Arts Trail. Drank a fair amount of coffee to keep me going as v tired. Really hoping for a better night's sleep tonight!

We're all in bed now.

Hope you have a better night's sleep tonight Sassy. Drink loads of fennel tea, if you don't eat fennel regularly already. It can send you to sleep, but only if you're not used to it.

Ooh...not heard that before! Thanks for the tip...will go get myself some

Evening, ladies. Sorry I've not been on much the past few days. DD1's behaviour has been challenging, to say the least. This morning she refused to go to her ballet lesson and said she didn't want to do it anymore (but not as politely or nicely as that!). Now that's fine, I'm not going to force anyone to do something they really don't enjoy BUT she's been dancing since she was 3 and has always really loved it, she has an exam in a few weeks and they all have set pieces and places they have to do together, so it could potentially impact others AND I'm a firm believer in honouring commitments, so I felt she should do her term's notice and then if she still felt the same way, she could stop.

She was just so aggressive and defiant and she said some truly hurtful, horrible things. She was screaming, shouting, kicking things, slamming doors - DH was really cross with her, I tried to go in after half an hour or so and talk to her calmly and rationally to see if there's something underlying that's worrying or upsetting her in a kind of bad cop/good cop thing. She was so nasty to me, she said some awful things and I was in tears for most of the morning and on and off all day.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know if this is normal, teenage behaviour, or if it's something more than that. I did mention speaking to the Pastoral Care Officer at her school and she went absolutely up the wall at that, threatening to run away amongst other things.

My lovely SIL is a psychologist, albeit not an adolescent specialist, so I think I might see if she has any advice.

I feel like I'm letting DD1 down massively and I feel so sad that she's so angry and upset all of the time.

Anyway, sorry to bring the thread down and also to make it all about me, I just needed to offload a bit!

Sassy - hope the art trail was good!

EDBD - really thinking of you and EDBD'sLad.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Have you considered counselling Malcolm? There are some really good adolescent counsellors these days (one of my best friends is one) who might really be able to help her understand and ultimately moderate her behaviour so that she's still able to express her wants and needs but in a less self destructive way. Sounds like speaking to someone outside of the family may be a good thing. She may feel reluctant at first but if you can find a counsellor she hits it off with it could be a real help, especially with her anger management issues. Sorry you have been so upset. It doesn't sound easy to deal with at all right now. Hugs!

Yes, had a good day despite the sleep deprivation! Need to call it a night shortly & try and unwind....

Morning! I'm the only one awake!

It does sound like normal teenage behaviour Malcolm. She should do her term's notice, then she can give it up.

Morning. Less than 4hrs sleep again last night....urghhh....getting sick of myself now! Meeting up with friend and her kids at NT place today...means about an hours motorway drive....Strong...Black...Coffee!!!

Catch up properly later. Hope you both have good Sundays'.

Evening. Well despite being absolutely hanging had a lovely day. Went to NT place with friend and her kids, took picnic & apart from price of ice cream, latte and petrol, didn't cost us (we're members). Gorgeous hot sunny day and was lovely to let kids run feral in acres of parkland. Fingers crossed the fresh air helps me to shut my brain down later and I get some sleep. Hope you've both had a good day?

Evening. Nothing exciting here, had to take the DC to Sainsbury's, which meant the obligatory looking at toys, that's about it.

Morning Yep, we do the obligatory looking at toys too....and kids magazines! Well took a couple of sleeping pills last night which my neighbour gave me. They helped to knock me out initially, woke early hours but did get back to sleep again, so whilst still v groggy, at least I feel I can function a bit more today! Glad not in work though. Domestic stuff today so can do that at my own pace. Hope you both have a good start to the week!

Morning! Shitty connection at home today, I could read but I couldn't post!

I'm having a ham and mushroom omelette today.

Morning. Shitty, shitty day today.

DD1 refused to go to school. DH had my car as his is in the garage, I had to go out and explain to the car share that I couldn't get her to go to school. She'd locked herself in the bathroom at that point.

She hit and scratched DD2, who they had to walk to school by herself (first time ever) as I couldn't leave DD1 alone. DH had to come home from work to physically put DD1 in the car (non-violently I hasten to add!) and drive her to school.

DS1 got involved as I was in the shower when it all kicked off, so he's really angry and upset too.

I ended up crying so hard I was sick into the bathroom sink.

I've had to ring DD2's school to explain and ask them to keep a particular eye on her today. I've obviously rung DD1's school and she's been referred to the Pastoral Care worker there.

I've also contacted Social Services to ask for an early support assessment. I really do think DD1 needs some outside help, I'm not sure what's going on with her and I think she needs someone to talk to who isn't in the family and is just for her. Private counselling would be amazing, but we just don't have the money. She's been referred to CAMHS previously, around 7/8 years ago but I know how stretched they are. They can't deal with children who are in desperate need of help, in terrible, terrible situations, so I'm not expecting a huge amount there but I'm desperate. I really need help as I just don't know what to do and I'm so worried about her but also about the impact this is having on the other children.

Another woe is me post, I'm sorry. I'm going to try and snap out of it this afternoon and will hopefully be a bit cheerier later on.

It's DS2's 1st birthday tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that.

Oh, and I just managed to spill dried mealworms all over the family room floor en route to taking them out to the bird table! 🤢😷 I got to them pretty speedily with the hoover, but I've a horrible suspicion DS2 may have sneaked one into his mouth...I'm hoping it's okay as it's just protein! 😱

I wouldn't worry about a few meal worms Malcolm, he'll be fine! When my DD was younger I once came into the kitchen and found her on her hands and knees under the breakfast bar chowing down on leftover cat food from the bowl!!! Boak! She didn't suffer any ill effects....apart from the occasional miaow

I'm sorry to hear things have come to such a head. Sounds really stressful - sending you a big virtual hug! Do you think there's something going on at school to trigger her behaviour? FWIW I think you've done the right thing asking for external help. It sounds like it's having a real impact on you and your family and any support to make that easier for all of you is a good thing. Don't necessarily discount private counselling. I know of specialist counsellors who discount their rates for adolescents and also there are some specific practices that offer small group work therapies for teenagers etc at a fraction of the usual price. Obviously paying for it for months and months might not be an option but it might be more possible than you think. Worth having a look into anyway....

I hope DS2s birthday provides a welcome distraction for you all tomorrow at the very least! So hard this parenting lark at times isn't it? DD was grumpy this morning with me, likely overtiredness / hayfever, and it really got to me but obviously nothing like you have had this morning. Hope you're feeling a little brighter this afternoon

In other news I really regret taking those sleeping pills now....def not agreed with me....feeling incredibly spaced out! Hoping the caffeine intake will even me out a bit!

Your DD1 seems to be going through a rough time Malcolm, I know because of EDLad that even trying to be the best parent you can doesn't always mean they'll want to talk to you. No matter what the problem is though, zero tolerance of hitting and scratching. I'd confiscate her phone/iPad for that.

Had steak and conchiglioni pasta for supper.

Putting DS2 to bed now, DD will go in an hour.