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Original poster

would you let your 9 year old daughter go to the house of a known prostitute

220 replies

GrindelwaldBeckons · 25/02/2015 13:50

I have namechanged for this for obvious reasons and changed some of the details to make it less identifiable)
DD has a friend whose single mother is a prostitute.She has been invited to a party at this friends house.
I am very naive about all this sort of thing , but the mother dresses normally and lives in a rented cottage in a nearby small sleepy village from where she plies her trade, I assume (hope!) only when the child is staying with their dad or at school.She keeps herself to herself and doesn't cause any trouble in the village as far as I know
Her Dc is a sweet child with serious health issues who DD is fond of, and the mother has clearly been to a lot of trouble planning the party.
DH says that DD should not have anything to do with the woman or her child.
I feel a bit sorry for the child, but my main fear is drugs, and although DD doesn't know what prostitution is now, she will do one day and I fear normalising it in her eyes.

OP posts:
MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 26/02/2015 09:35

Hi everyone - we're just moving this thread to a more appropriate topic.

Original poster
GrindelwaldBeckons · 26/02/2015 12:03

thank you everyone for your replies
I have decided that whilst we have no problem with the children being friends at school, of is not something we want to encourage out of school
I know some of you will think that judgemental , but my priority is to protect our little girl from undesirable influences.
thanks again for your input

OP posts:
LegoSuperstar · 26/02/2015 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 26/02/2015 14:15

Poor kid. I should have known that people are capable of being so nasty to a 9 yr old. I get that with the knobs at the school who think my son's autism is catching so shouldn't be surprised.

Heels99 · 26/02/2015 14:18

How about inviting the daughter to your house to play instead?

CitizenOfTheWorld · 26/02/2015 14:23

It is very easy to type on a keyboard and say it is as any other profession... Well, it is not.

When I found out my MIL had been a prostitute I suddenly saw her in a different light. And I felt bad. I did not want to dislike her because of that, but I did and after some soul searching I felt the main issue for me was I did not want my children to see prostitution as "any other job". It is not.

I still feel bad I do not want my children to spend too long with their granny but that has been my decision.

I would not socialise with that mum, that would be my choice.

OP can decide whatever she wants but a crowd behind a keyboard being politically correct should not influence her too much.

ArcheryAnnie · 26/02/2015 14:29

When I found out my MIL had been a prostitute I suddenly saw her in a different light. And I felt bad. I did not want to dislike her because of that, but I did and after some soul searching I felt the main issue for me was I did not want my children to see prostitution as "any other job". It is not.

But did your MIL see it as "any other job"?

There's a political move by a very small number of "sex workers" (including pimps) to normalise prostitution as "a job like any other", but I don't know any actual prostitutes who have thought so. Most have done it by stealth, and don't like it any more than anyone else would, and certainly would not like to see their daughters have to do it. It's possible to hate prostitution, and still either like or dislike prostitutes just as you'd like or dislike anyone else.

HouseAtreides · 26/02/2015 14:32

This has made me genuinely sad. How about if everybody decides to protect their children from so-called 'undesirable influences' and nobody turns up to this sick little girl's party?
Will you consider her well taught? Job done?

Arsenic · 26/02/2015 14:39

It is very easy to type on a keyboard and say it is as any other profession..

I must have missed that post.

I thought the gist of the collective response was that;

a) An escort is unlikely to ply her trade at her child's birthday party or to live in a brothel or to be any more likelyto be a drug user than anyone else

b) The moral outrage is a bit misplaced

c) She might not be a sex worker anyway.

Quangle · 26/02/2015 14:41

I remember once going to a talk by the English Collective of Prostitutes (this was decades ago when I had time for that sort of thing whereas now I am up to my ears in domestic drudgery and mn ) and I felt they were very weak on whether prostitution was just a job like any other and therefore absolutely fine and not something that should be clamped down upon by the authorities - or a desperate choice by desperate women and therefore something that required the intervention of society.

I absolutely don't think it's a job like any other. And the hand-wringing about the little girl on here is silly. The OP is not ostracising her - she's just saying she's not comfortable for her DD to spend time at her home and that's something we might say about all sorts of different environments for different reasons and it's a perfectly ordinary and legitimate parenting decision. here are loads of environments I don't want my DCs spending time in but that's not the same as witch hunting and excluding people.

Quangle · 26/02/2015 14:44

It is very easy to type on a keyboard and say it is as any other profession

I must have missed that post

Yes there are posts saying we all have to make compromises in our jobs and alluding to bankers as in a similar role. I disagree and I do think it's different. I do also think there's quite a lot of armchair coolness going on.. .

Quangle · 26/02/2015 14:45

On the other hand I haven't seen much moral outrage. Just people saying I wouldn't be comfortable with this.

AgathaF · 26/02/2015 14:52

Are you going to be honest enough to speak to the mum about it? Check that the village gossip is correct?

Arsenic · 26/02/2015 14:53

OP very much was indulging in moral outrage.

Quangle · 26/02/2015 15:01

Where? She's uncomfortable with what she does and is worried about associated problems like drugs and dodgy men at the house. That's not moral outrage, that's simply wondering about what it entails and whether it's a good place for her DD to go.

Arsenic · 26/02/2015 15:17

I think the phrase she used was 'low morals'.

and is worried about associated problems like drugs and dodgy men at the house.

And income tax status.

Arsenic · 26/02/2015 15:23

In fact, I don't know why I'm wasting time on a thread where the OP was wringing her hands over the tax implications of the birthday child's mum's alleged sex work earnings. Like that would be the issue Hmm

Reekypear · 26/02/2015 15:35

No, I would not. YANBU.

madwomanbackintheattic · 26/02/2015 15:39

If this is real, that poor little girl. Sweet, poor health, lovely kid, but banned from having a party because your friends' mums are gossips.
Ugh.
How would you ever get over that at 9? All of your friends canceling? No one wanting to be friends with you?
How are all these mothers going to explain it to their kids? No darling, you can't go to x's party. Yes, I know she's your friend, but her mother is Not Our Sort.
Ugh.
A whole swathe of confused and bewildered 9yos over a sweet little girl's party that they must not be allowed to attend in case they catch 'low morals'.
Nasty nasty nasty.
Still, that'll give the wee girl something to think about next time she's in hospital, won't it? Why doesn't anyone like me?

madwomanbackintheattic · 26/02/2015 15:41

I'll report it for trolling anyway, as I refuse to believe anyone could genuinely and deliberately hurt a sick 9yo girl like that.

georgeousgeorge · 26/02/2015 15:42

The trouble is what she is doing is on the edge of legal, prostitution may be legal, soliciting is illegal, etc etc...

My experience tells me that if someone is doing something that skirts around the law, there will be a lot of other things going on as well.

This may (or may not ) be drugs, funny blokes, tax evasion, and all manner of other things.

It is a rare prostitute that turns out to be Julia Roberts.

I am with the OP's DH on this one... steer well clear.

countessmarkyabitch · 26/02/2015 15:49

It doesn't skirt around the law. It isn't illegal; it is legal. There is no need to imply that she is doing anything dodgy with no proof.

Seriouslyffs · 26/02/2015 15:50

madwoman it's like a scene from a misery memoir isn't it. I really hope the whole scenario is made up. Sad

LegoSuperstar · 26/02/2015 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 26/02/2015 16:27

George

Would you prevent your child from attending a birthday party at Gary Barlow or Jimmy carr's house, then?

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