Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

would you let your 9 year old daughter go to the house of a known prostitute

220 replies

GrindelwaldBeckons · 25/02/2015 13:50

I have namechanged for this for obvious reasons and changed some of the details to make it less identifiable)
DD has a friend whose single mother is a prostitute.She has been invited to a party at this friends house.
I am very naive about all this sort of thing , but the mother dresses normally and lives in a rented cottage in a nearby small sleepy village from where she plies her trade, I assume (hope!) only when the child is staying with their dad or at school.She keeps herself to herself and doesn't cause any trouble in the village as far as I know
Her Dc is a sweet child with serious health issues who DD is fond of, and the mother has clearly been to a lot of trouble planning the party.
DH says that DD should not have anything to do with the woman or her child.
I feel a bit sorry for the child, but my main fear is drugs, and although DD doesn't know what prostitution is now, she will do one day and I fear normalising it in her eyes.

OP posts:
Quangle · 25/02/2015 19:10

I think the OP has had an unfair hearing here. I would be concerned about this because I have concerns about the sort of house I let my child go to. I'm not a major worrier but we use all sorts of minor cues to work out whether we feel a certain house or a certain family is ok - whether we like the parents, whether we've met both of them, whether they seem to have the same levels of safety concern us we do etc etc.

I've posted on here before about whether I should let my daughter go to her bf's house because they have a ginormous and frankly terrifying dog. I've wondered about whether XYZ's husband is ok or a bit odd. All sorts of stuff. We are constantly having to employ our judgment about this stuff and the mum being prostitute would certainly give me pause for hundreds of reasons.

It's all very well to say that she may not have a choice but that applies to lots of scenarios - that doesn't mean to say you'd feel comfortable sending your daughter for a sleepover there.

In this situation I would absolutely let my daughter go to the party - because it seems that the OP knows enough about how they live to get comfortable with that. But it's absolutely fine to be concerned about it and I frankly don't buy into the easy breezy stuff on here. Prostitution means strangers are in your world - and you have no control over who turns up, when, why or what they want. Prostitution is not the domain on the whole of people's whose lives are going well and who feel safe and in control - on both sides of the trade. And that's reason enough to proceed with caution.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/02/2015 19:16

But someone isn't going to be exposed to prostitution in the sane way the would be exposed to an alcoholic. something done when kids are not around which has no effect on behaviour or potentially leaves some where unsafe (a drunk may leave ovens on etc) .

an alcoholic will be drunk and exhibiting inappropriate behaviour due to alcohol and may well not be able to properly care fir a child or children in he house.

duplodon · 25/02/2015 19:17

Prostitution is not the domain on the whole of people's whose lives are going well and who feel safe and in control - on both sides of the trade. And that's reason enough to proceed with caution.

This. Exactly.

There also were known punters in my small home town, men you'd see loitering. Would I let my child go to their house, male or female? Absolutely not. If I knew of any drug use, alcohol abuse or other such issues, I would say the same. It's about a safe environment. No, we never know, but you don't ignore details that make you feel uncomfortable or wary just because it makes you feel all fuzzy and liberal.

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 25/02/2015 19:17

"Prostitution means strangers are in your world - and you have no control over who turns up, when, why or what they want."

If she works out of her own house, she presumably books clients in.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2015 19:19

I am anti sex trade.

I would let my child go in a heartbeat.

Cockbollocks · 25/02/2015 19:22

YABU.

Its her daughters party, not the little girls fault.

I cannot imagine she does this as a lifestyle choice, there must be some reason and i'm sure she won't be handing out business cards in the party bags.

duplodon · 25/02/2015 19:23

Interesting your suppositions about alcoholics. Very frequently not true in these types of situations, even with severe alcoholism. My father was very frequently 'dry', and there was little physical danger or inappropriate behaviour when others were present. This is from a man who is basically dying from drink, in rehab 17 times over 20 years... So severely alcoholic. Kids would have been absolutely fine if they came to our house, but do I have any difficulty understanding why no one wanted to try it out? No.

We all set our limits about the risks we want to expose our kids to. I don't want my kids associating with people who are engaged in prostitution. I don't agree with it or any aspect of the sex work industry. At the same time I would fully support sex worker's rights and any campaigns for safety etc. It just isn't a situation I would want to even show tacit approval of.

Quangle · 25/02/2015 19:24

I'm sure she has a great booking system but that's not really how it works is it?

We used to have a brothel next door to us and once people know about it, they turn up at all hours demanding to be let in.

sunabroad · 25/02/2015 19:28

I probably would given these particular circumstances. Any chance you could go with your LO?

Lagoonablue · 25/02/2015 19:29

No I wouldn't.

Penguinsaresmall · 25/02/2015 19:34

Can't believe the hammering op getting on here. And I don't believe those of you being so ridiculously PC about prostitution would actually be happy for your dd's to pursue a friendship with the dd of a prostitute. If you really would be, IMO you are being very naive at best.

Prostitutes are much more likely to be drug users - that is a fact. And if this woman works from home, there is almost definitely a long list of creeps you would never want anywhere near your dc, who know her and will know where she lives - and could turn up at the door at any time.

Plenty of reasons right there to keep your dd away. I feel extremely sorry for the woman's dd. I am 100% with your dh on this one.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 25/02/2015 19:35

When I was a teenager we lived next door to a prostitute. She worked at night when her kids were in bed. That didn't stop her 'clients' turning up at all times during the day. Some of the looked pretty normal but enough of them were drunk and I was really scared.

I was frequently harassed going in and out of our flat when I was with my little brother.

I wouldn't let my child anywhere near.

ethelb · 25/02/2015 19:38

The issue here is surely that you don't actually have any solid evidence she is a prostitute, do you?

It sounds like nasty slander and if you don't let your daugher go because of it, then you are part of the horrible village gossip imo.

If you feel uncomfortable offer to stay (if her ill daugher's party is being boycotted based on some nasty village rumour she may want a shoulder to cry on) or stay nearby. That's not too hard is it?

Petallic · 25/02/2015 19:40

I don't think I could send my child without having a chat with the woman. I imagine that as if she works from home in a small village she must have a discreet set-up - entirely different to my neighbour who used to discuss her prices through an open window thst the whole street could hear before letting the blokes in. But my neighbour was a massive drug addict also & all sorts of other issues.

I'd have a chat, and either you learn that it's awful gossip or you are satisfied one way or another that it's safe and appropriate for your child to vist - but i'd also only bother if it looked to be a very good friend of DCs.

ArcheryAnnie · 25/02/2015 19:49

I'd have no problem with the mum. I've known and liked (and trusted) lots of women who have worked in various aspects of prostitution.

I'd be OK with a party, where there are lots of other people there - but I wouldn't be happy with a playdate with just her (ie with me not present, too), or a sleepover. While I'd trust the mum, if she works from home then there will be a load of asshole men who know where she lives, and who may or may turn up anytime they like, and who by definition don't respect women or girls.

Pokeymont · 25/02/2015 19:50

I think it's ok to let your DD go to the party but I'm a bit Confused about the posters who think it's acceptable to be a prostitute.

I dissaprove of people who use prostitutes and I dissaprove of anyone who chooses to be a prostitute.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 25/02/2015 19:57

Haven't read the whole thread, sorry but if you like the woman and the child then I can't see any reason why your daughter shouldn't go. Nothing is likely to happen at a children's party after all.

As for "normalising" what she does, I really shouldn't worry about it. She may not continue to do it as her daughter gets older and is more aware. Or your DD and hers may not always be friends.

If your DD does become aware and ask, then you would have to say that it's very unusual to do this, but she is trying to make a decent living for herself and her daughter.

Don't stress over it. People are more than what they do for a living.

ArcheryAnnie · 25/02/2015 19:59

I loathe punters, and I bloody hate prostitution, Pokeymont, but (as I said above) I have quite liked some women who have worked in it. On the whole, they've all hated prostitution and the punters, too.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2015 20:14

Petallic - "... without having a chat with the woman."

Really?? I'm sure that would be cosy.

Chocovore · 25/02/2015 20:17

If I am honest no, I wouldn't let my 9yo go to a party in a brothel and I am surprised that so many would.

Seriouslyffs · 25/02/2015 20:25

There's nothing to suggest she works from a brothel or that the party will be held in one! From what the OP has posted I'm sure the family are already known to SS
and that it will be very safe. I wouldn't be so happy to let an older child stay for a sleep over. Mumsnet is like nineteenth century provincial France tonight.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2015 20:32

She's not going to be shagging in the middle of the party or instructing 9 year olds in how to give the perfect blow job, is she?

Chocovore · 25/02/2015 20:34

That's what the OP said. She regularly works as a prostitute from her home and this is where the party is being held. Brothel is defined as such a place.

Corygal · 25/02/2015 20:34

Oh come on, it's fiiiiine. One of my oldest friends used to be a hooker - used their extraordinary good looks to profitable effect during a lean patch at work. Gave it up when got new job. Like most hos, their opinion of the punters is low.

One afternoon with a lot of small girls DD knows from school, hardly a big deal.

OldLadyKnows · 25/02/2015 20:49

A brothel has more than one sex worker working in it. This woman's home is not a brothel.