We have been let down by the justice system. [**Edited by MNHQ, thread may be triggering**]

[OpiesOldLady]

I need to get this out. Some of you will recognise the details, I posted previously under a different name, but tbh I'm sick of hiding now, and being ashamed.

My son was raped and sexually abused by my step son. He also abused my daughter. He was found guilty of two counts of rape and four counts of sexual abuse. We were led to believe that the judge would send him to crown court for sentencing and a custodial sentence would be imposed.

Today he was give a two year rehabilitation order and has been placed on the sex offenders register for five years. He has basically gotten away with a slap on the wrists.

I feel so incredibly let down. My babies had to give evidence against him, he put them through that... and yet he gets to go home tonight, free.

He will get counselling and all manner of professional help, whilst I am having to fight tooth and nail to access some proper support for my children. They are on a waiting list for intensive therapy, but that could take months. In the meantime, I have to watch as my son fades away before my eyes, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And this is justice?

I want to appeal his sentence as I think it's far too lenient, but I don't know if i'll be allowed to, I'm waiting to hear back from the Attourney Generals office.

I am swinging between being so furious, devastated and wanting to kill him with my bare hands. How could he do this and just get away with it?

Well done on contacting your MP. It sounds like today will have been productive when your efforts come into fruition, its just that its no use right now. But you're on the waiting list for support and thats better than not being.

My criminal (i've retyped a description for him at least 10 times and thats the best i can do) got lots of support, housing etc. I/ my family got some police support, lots of emotional baggage and ultimately had to relocate. Its like society is saying commit a violent crime/ series of crimes and we'll pay attention to you, even prioritise you.

The only way I've been able to deal with the ludicrous system we have is that by being so much in the system in a very visible way he's not able to do this to other people. So, long and short society is right to keep him visible (until the attorneys office are ready for that retrial). Its wrong to not give a stuff about the victims recuperation.

What about criminal injury compensation. I know that its been raised before but could it help to fund some private support?

Actually I think you've done brilliantly today. You've made several contacts and each one is phenomenally draining to make and to have to relive all thats gone on numerous times to numerous people.

There is something you can do for your boy and your doing it. Its an incredibly valuable thing not to be underestimated. You're there for him. That is such a special thing to be able to do.

Thank you. It's just so exhausting, so... constant. I'm tired of it. But then, if I'm feeling like this... what the hell must DS be feeling like? He came home from school and sobbed for an hour. He's so broken. I have an appointment with the school on Friday, to discuss a plan of action for him. He is very very behind in all aspects of his schooling. He can't put his mind to anything. I'm so worried he's going to have a breakdown

How do you stop your mind from thinking? I can't seem to shut off tonight, and I know I need to. I can't sleep. I am so tired, but sleep just will not come, and my mind will not shut down.

I hope you did get some sleep in the end. I write endless to do lists. My house has never been so clean, beds all washed, ironing all sorted etc. it is tough to kick yourself and do something rather than get trapped in the what ifs and whys.

I like soppy films. Things i've already seen so don't actually take much brain energy to watch and also things i can legitamately let the flood gates open for and have a good let it all out cry. I watched Up with the DC the other day and DS1 said you don't cry as much as you used to at this now
Mummy. My crying at soppy films is funny you see. I did turn to alcohol to help me unwind a bit at the end of the day but it could easily have gone too far though. Would you consider some mild relaxants/ sleeping tablets? Getting some rest helps with everything else. Exhaustion just adds a layer of complication.

I hope today is a fruitful one.

I think I dropped off about 1am. I'm used to being tired - my youngest son has sleep issues and wakes between 4.30-5am every day, but in the last couple of months I've found it harder to get to sleep. My brain just won't shut down. I'm ashamed to say that I'm now on antidepressants, citolapram I think it's called. I find myself getting extremely anxious, and I think it's helping. I feel bad that I've had to resort to them though.

Frustrating day today. The email I sent my local MP didn't reach her. I happened to be driving past her office, and I noticed a light on, so I quickly parked and went in. I had to explain everything again, the her constituency manager and she's asked me to write a letter to her. She said she doesn't think theres much they can do though as they don't tend to get involved with the law. At least though I can say I tried.

Theres absolutely no shame in using antidepressants. My DH has had long courses of them (years) and is now off them and coping. Without them i'm sure he would still have been suffering. Sometimes the best policy has got to be if it helps, go with it. Longer term your GP can talk with you about variation in types and doses if you're worried about that side of things, that was always DH's concern about starting down the medication route. He was worried about addiction and if he got used to them he'd keep upping the dose until there was none of him left. The doctor reassured us that isn't how it works (he was right too).

I wouldn't rule out the MP thing. I think that they don't want to get hopes up because these things are very complicated. Did you manage to broach the subject of the lack of support that your DC have had? Its another avenue that they may be able to explore for you.

It sounds positive that your sons school are keen to provide extra support.

I have yet another suggestion if you can bare one more...would you consider enquiring about having a children in need/ inclusion services visit from your local council/ social work team? I'm not 100% certain how it could work for you. I had one because my eldest is Autistic, youngest being assessed, middle son is suffering with high needs siblings and eldest is rather house bound unless physically attached to me. I now have an inclusion officer who helps me to access special needs groups for my eldest DS, she listens and digs around finding out answers to queries I have about the education and medical support system. Theres also direct payments that can be applied for via the inclusion officer if they feel appropriate which the parent can control to access things like outward bounds groups. I'm not sure if this is purely a disabled child thing (we do so like labels). But I'd hope that your DS/ your family would qualify as people society needs to offer a hand too right now. Through no fault of your own things are very tough and with some support that could be eased just a little. I got to thinking about it because it was via my sons school and educational psychologist that I made the initial contact.

We have a social worker - on our third since March, as it happens - and she's about as useful as a chocolate teapot. She hasn't done much, apart from sit on my sofa and ask me if there's anything I'd like to ask her. Which is helpful. I don't have much confidence in them tbh. When DS was suicidal a few months ago I rang them begging for help. I'm still waiting for them to call me back.

They do seam to vary. Sorry that yours isn't one of the good ones. Lets hope no.4 arrives soon, is a stayer and is one of the good ones.

There does seam to be a bit of standard dealing with distressed and exhausted adult spiel that is common across various support services. I found occasionally with the police and with the social worker and then inclusion officer they don't/ can't answer your questions then ask if theres anything you want answering. I did on more than one occasion feel like screaming answer the blooming questions I've already asked. But theres a standard grimaced smile and polite thank you that somehow finds its way to the surface whilst you walk to the door making small talk.

The polite bottling up is one of the bad bits. I felt like a pressure cooker with steam building at times and I truly hope for you that you can find some form of release.

Today was another step forward. Speaking in person to the MP, finding the strength to react to seeing a light in the office, going over everything (again), maintaining your dignity. You are a remarkable strong women (even though I'm guessing from all you've posted you can't see or hear it).

Hi Opies

I am surprised you weren't on AD's a long, long time ago. It is nothing to be ashamed about x If they aren't working, go back and up the dose. You need any help you can get, to help you right now.

It is shitty that DHsSon can get as much therapy as he wants and you can't get any for DS :( Have you tried any local groups? Have you tried ringing local therapists and explaining the situation, asking them if they know of any other places you can approach - you never know, one of them might offer some free sessions for you all, esp DS? I know you are knackered and fed up of thinking about it, but if you have a different avenue to try it might make you feel like you are getting somewhere?!

When DS was sobbing after school, had something specific happened at school?

If it were me I'd call the AG's office tomorrow afternoon, 'see how they are getting on' - then remind them that the next day IS the end of the week and you are running out of time to appeal.

I wonder if that's right about an MP not being able to get involved? I'm sure I've heard otherwise.

^^ I wonder if it's worth asking in Polictics or Legal about the MP?

I received this email from the attorney generals office late this afternoon.

'Thank you for your email and phone calls about sentence imposed on *** by Swansea Youth Court on 22nd October 2014.

Can I first of all say how sorry I was to hear of the truly appalling offences committed against your children.

As I explained on the phone to you, I passed the details of this case to one of our legal advisers to check if it was one that could be referred to the Court of Appeal under the unduly lenient sentence scheme. He has now had an opportunity to read the case papers and it is with much regret that I write to inform you, that because the sentence was passed in the Youth Court, neither of the Law Officers have the power to refer the sentence onto the Court of Appeal for review.

Parliament has legislated which offences the Attorney General can refer to the Court of Appeal, and only sentences of this nature which have been passed in the Crown Court are eligible to be reviewed by the Court of Appeal, they cannot be referred if they have been sentenced in the Youth Court.

I know that you will be disappointed to learn that our office cannot refer this sentence and I know that nothing I can say will provide comfort to you and your family at this difficult time. However, I trust that you will appreciate we have given your request detailed consideration despite this not being the outcome that you wished for.'

So. That's it, I guess. All done. I don't feel angry, sad... anything. He raped my boy, abused him and my daughter and has gotten away with it, whilst we are all in tatters. I don't think I can be strong any more.

Oh love :(

I am so sorry x

I just don't have the words...

Was he too young to be sentenced in the Crown Court?

It is just repugnant that he has got 2 years rehabilitation. No custodial. Nothing. How. He was 15, not 8/9. How in gods name can they argue that justice has been served, what excuse do they have for his lack of punishment?

You will be strong, your kids need you x

Can your ExDH come and have them all for the weekend so you can get away for a couple of days, just have a couple of days to sleep, eat & regain some strength?

My heart is aching for you all. I wish there was something I could do to help, something I could do to turn back the clock. I feel powerless so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. The law is an arse.....end of!!!

I also wish I lived closer to you - the miles between us are frustrating.

Sending my love, as always xxxx

No, ex H can't have them.

I don't know why it wasn't taken to crown court.

Oh, I am so sorry this is the reply you received, Opies
Fwiw (not v much, I know), the tone of the letter would suggest that he does indeed regret he is unable to help.
Unbelievable.

I wonder who makes the decision to prosecute a minor at the Youth Court or Crown Court?

I wonder whether the time has come, for your and your DCs's sake, to abandon any further energy going towards seeking redress from the justice system and solely living for your and your DCs' future? You know, in the spirit of the serenity prayer? "Change the things I can, let go of the ones I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two"? Sorry about the mangled quote; I hope you see what I am trying to clumsily say.

Oh no. Nothing that I can say but to add to the sadness and dissapointment that everyone else has expressed.

I am glad that they have responded to you with the appropriate tone and treated the enquiry seriously. A response shows that at least they have listened to you. You've not been hitting your head against a wall.

I know that the punishment in no way fits the crimes committed but he's not fully got away either. This will follow him and restrict his life in ways he can't even yet contemplate. Not that that is enough, but he didn't walk away with no stain.

Clutching at straws but I guess that theres nothing knew thats come to light that he could go to crown court for a new trial for things that could be treated as a seperate crime, stuff that the CPS didn't include in the original charges and didn't get included so as not to muddy waters?

Whats tomorrows plan of action? You've dug so deep this week with contacting the MP and visiting, chasing the Attourney General, being in touch with the school.

I managed to get an early night last night. I find that when things get overwhelming, I sleep so I don't have to think. I know that contradicts my previous post where I said I'm having trouble sleeping, but it's usually like that.

I don't know what to do or where we go from here. I spoke to the police officer involved in our case yesterday, before I heard from the AG office, and she said that she's spoken to the CPS lawyers who are trying to take things further. I don't know how far they will get.

I know I need to let this go. I know I do. I just don't know how to do that. I am tortured by the thoughts that he has gotten away with this, and I can see him laughing about it. On the second day of the trial, I was taking DS into court and we came around a corner and he was there, laughing and joking with his mother, not a care in the world. Whereas DS wet himself when he saw him.

I keep looking at his facebook page. It shows him and a girl about his own age, happy as larry, cuddling. I wonder if she knows he's a child rapist? I want to scream and tell everyone what he has done. I want to tell them what kind of person walks amongst them. He's not allowed to be alone with a child under 14 from 7pm-7am, so gets to go about his daily business as if nothing has happened. Wouldn't you want to know if your child sat next to him in class?

I feel that because I have failed my DC so badly, I need to do something to make up for that. I need to make him hurt as much as my babies are. And I want to hurt him so badly. As awful as it sounds, I know he would never have coped with a custodial sentence, and that's why I wanted one so badly, because I knew he would struggle with it immensely.

I'm glad you got some sleep, even if you didn't wake up feeling refreshed, at least it was a few hours of not thinking about it.

I would be just as torn as you are. On one had knowing it would be best to let it go now and concentrate on going forward, but like you, I wouldn't know how and I'd want to feel like I had done everything I possibly could to take it as far as I could.

Whilst I know PD's advice is good, I don't think I could take it, just yet. I would be seeing the lawyer about why it wasn't trialed in the CC and what other avenues we could try and I would talk to the police officer again, let her know that the appeal can't go forward and see if there is anything that could be done to help the CPS lawyers.

After I had explored every single legal avenue possible, I would want to personally make his life as miserable as I could.

Oh and to answer your question. Yes, I would want to know what he was like if one of my children was friendly with him, because they sure as hell wouldn't be after I found out.

What has your exDH had to say about it? Does he have any idea why his son went so off the rails?

Why can't he have them all for a weekend? Is it that you or the kids wouldn't want it or is he just not being very helpful?

Op i have read a lot of this thread and had to stop for now.

wanted to tell you how amazing you are. My mid 40 'S dh has just disclosed sex abuse from age 11. His mum served him up on a plate almost. She knew the 35 year old gay man had lots of boys in and out of his house, she knew his cousins had been abused, she wasn't an innocent ... but she didn't protect him.
even after he went to prison for child/boy sex offences, she still allowed.him in their life.
I was suspicious from my teens (we met young) and he's an angry, insular man.
You are utterly amazing and your son knows he'sthe mmost important thing to you, he trusted you to tell you! Very quicklytoo AND you aacted.

I'm in tears and wish you were my mother on law. Xx

I'm sorry things are tough for you, shocked. It's so bloody hard, this road, isn't it?

Today I have found out just how wonderful some MNers are. I've had a lovely lady PM me to give me legal advice, and it would seem that all is not as lost as I thought it was. I may be able to ask for a judicial review into the attorney generals decision not to pass the case on for review AND I may be able to get a non molestation order as well. I just need to find the strength to do this from somewhere.

WRT my stbxh, the reason he cannot have the children is because the day that DS disclosed to us was the day that I also discovered that xh was a convicted schedule one offender. Suffice to say I did not know this when we married, I would obviously have run a mile and the life I knew, our childrens lives, were all built on his lies. The children know he did something bad 20 years ago that means he can no longer live with us, and they see him three times a week in a contact centre. So no. It's just my babies and I now.

Oh how dreadful. You've been ley down and let down again.
So he is All the children's father?

Sorry I'm not aware I don't think of your old thread.
You are the innocent in this
You didn't do it, your step son did
you didn't do it your stbx did

your son may be hurting now, my dh has hurt for 36 years, bottled it all up. The guy is dead thankfully but he tormented dh by being on the periphery of our lives. Sending his regards to dh via my late mil, his sister or brother. Just rubbing salt on the wound. Letting him know he's there.
He came to my wedding op. He raped my dh for years start g when he was 11. And he came to my wedding and he smirked at me.

Sorry, diverted your thread ... My point is, your son won't forget but he also won't hide it, having to let it fester and burn.
you're a fabulous mum because he COULD TELL YOU AND WHY HE DID YOU BELIEVED AND ACTED x