Page 4 | how old where you when u first had sex?????

nikcola · 2004-04-08T23:03:05+00:00

i was 15 in the back of a car and you?????

Tinker · 12/04/2004 17:03

She is about 50 alexsmum. Very nice woman but odd attitude non?

singingmum · 12/04/2004 17:24

16 with first serious boyfriend.Were now the parents of 9yr old and 4 yr old.Eldest is result of first time.Both were virgins and all I seem to mostly remember is my dad picking me up from his mums and shaking like a leaf thinking he'd guess.
In answer to the regrets etc.No,think about it but don't honestly think I could sleep with any other man.Obv can fantasise but after 10 1/2 yrs the thought of actually being with someone else for real is weird.

Heathcliffscathy · 12/04/2004 19:24

tinker: sad thing is, this attitude totally exists among much younger women...i think it is so sad and so unnecessarily shame inducing. how can we successfully bring up children who are happily comfortable with their sexuality if we are not? know what i mean?

kiwisbird · 12/04/2004 19:31

odd though too Soph, I am more ashamed of my younger exploits now than I ever was then... I had my son at 22 which was pretty young but old enough to know to try harder with life and put him first. Also had career and degree in hand which helped a lot..
When Dh and I had that first wonderful conversation about how many people have you slept with..
When he said only 6
I could have died...

Heathcliffscathy · 12/04/2004 19:39

i know where you are coming from, part of the reason for the vehemence of my posts re this is that i have had to spend a lot of time working through the shame i've felt about some of my sexual past...however, i feel like i've begun to really get rid of what i feel is the most destructive emotion (shame that is)...i think it is so powerful that can have a physical impact...is part of the reason you feel ashamed the attitude of friends/peers? or is it more that you wish you'd looked after yourself better? i think its really important to try to lose these destructive self-negating feelings (easier said)...no amount of shagging should be shameful don't you think (when you're thinking rationally about this)? we can have regrets about experiences that were empty or caused hurt (physical/mental/emotional) but surely shame is one thing that we should try to lose...like guilt?? why is it that i've yet to meet a man that feels ashamed of his sexual past? i'm sure they exist, but not exactly typical is it. and whilst i think that it would be great if we could only have sexual experiences that were deep, meaningful and wonderful (i think one night stands can, if rarely, be this) can't we just accept our mistakes as well as our finest hours? i'm writing this as much to me as to you iyswim..

marialuisa · 12/04/2004 20:01

my first time was seriously tacky and in retrospect, dangerous, I have no regrets or shame about it, but having "done it" I knew I would wait until it was someone i really liked the next time. That said, when I met DH I didn't keep him waiting long but sometimes you just "know".

Bugsy2 · 13/04/2004 16:28

No shame for me. Had quite a few encounters. Only one was a disaster. First was at uni, when I was 18 and was brilliant. Still look back fondly on the occasion.

Twinkie · 13/04/2004 16:31

I was 18!!

Kayleigh · 13/04/2004 16:34

17

M2T · 13/04/2004 16:36

I was 15.... he was 17 and was my first lurrrrvv..... aw sweet. It was in his bed and although it hurt, I feel lucky that it was special. You can all puke now...

Won't even go into how many before DH, lets just say I rrrrreally enjoyed Uni!!!!!

shame

dinosaur · 13/04/2004 16:39

13, and it wasn't my choice

SpringChicken · 13/04/2004 16:41

13 for me. I do regret it as i do think i was too young and am very embarrassed to admit that i was that young. But to justify it, we were together 6 months before hand, stayed together for 6 months afterwards and are still very good friends now nearly 6 years later He is a lovely, lovely bloke and even my DP gets on with him now.

SEXGODDESS · 13/04/2004 16:41

ALEXMUM - YES!!!!!

Thomcat · 13/04/2004 16:50

16 and 3/4's!

Totally in love with him. He had been my boyfriend since primary school. He used to come round and we'd play board games in my room and then go for a walk. We'd put our arms round each other but drop them if a car went past!!!

We finally did it at a small social gethering at a friends house. No regrets at all, it couldn't have been anyone else, I was besotted with him and he was gorgeous with the most amazing arse!

We broke up when I went to college but we bumped into each other years later and the spark was still there which was nice

AussieSim · 13/04/2004 21:27

16 with debut partner - it was also his first time. Nothing remarkable. I am with you though Sophable, screw the shame & guilt thing about sexual past. I've been with my fab DH for 6 years now!

Heathcliffscathy · 13/04/2004 21:28

dinosaur

alexsmum · 14/04/2004 00:51

I'm similar to you M2T, I reaallly enjoyed uni too!! And as mine and dh's relationship deepened I felt a bit sad and thought it would have been nice if he had been my first. I told him this later and he said that if that had been the case then he probably wouldn't have married me!!! He wanted to marry someone who knew what they were doing .Blush!!!!!!
I don't know how I will feel about my boys "experimenting". I want them to enjoy sex and feel no guilt etc but I don't want them to be the kind of men who will just do it with anyone. I want them to know that it is better if you have feelings for the person.

Tex111 · 14/04/2004 07:43

Oh my god, don't even get me started about guilt and shame regarding sex. Growing up in Texas it was awful. You must be a virgin when you get married or you're like a 'used toothbrush' and no one wants a used toothbrush (I'm really not making this up!). I was lucky in that I had a healthy happy sex life and a discreet boyfriend.

I did get married pretty young though (21) and, if anything, I wish I had slept with more people before settling down!

Mum2Ela · 14/04/2004 08:26

I was 14. He was 17. Over pretty quickly

susanmt · 14/04/2004 12:19

I'm one of the people who has only slept with one man, who has only ever slept with me. We were both virgins on our wedding night. I wish I could find a way to explain why this was important to me that doesn't make me sound like a holy roller! No, I've never wondered what it would be like to be with anyone else - I'm not being smug, by my love life is too good to wonder.

We decided to wait because of our faith - we're both Christians who beleive the best place for sex is marriage. We were 19 and 20 whan we started going out, and it wasn't an easy decision to live up to - there were a good few times we sailed pretty close to the wind! But when we got together we didn't know if we would get married - therefore it wouldn't have been right for us to sleep together, and once we had decided that we were going to get married then we knew it was best for us to wait.

A lot of people I know have asked 'but how could you know if you would be right together if you didn't sleep together before marriage' - the reason is that we knew we were right for each other in many, many other ways. We really beleive that we were brought together and therefore the sex would work out as everything else had. And all the snogging we had done prior to getting married made us VERY sure that sex with each other was what we wanted.

Without going into a lot of details (dh would KILL me if he thought I would give out details!!) it was amazing the first time and has been amazing ever since, even though we now have 3 kids and have been married 10 years. We work at it, talk about it, make sure we are doing what we both want and are comfortable with. I've never regretted waiting, I've never regretted there being no-one else. There being no-one else is the thing that makes my life with dh so special.

Does this make any sense? Or do I just make you want to baaaarf!!??

Thomcat · 14/04/2004 12:25

Dinosaur That doesn't sound good babes, sorry

Northerner · 14/04/2004 12:25

I was 15 and my boyfriend was 16. We'd been going out for 2 years. It was awful and I hated it so much we never did it again. He dumped me 6 months later

Then I met an older man - he was 25 and he introduced me to great sex. He was fab!

alexsmum · 14/04/2004 12:28

It doesn't make me want to barf at all, I think what you said is really lovely and if your husband read it I'm sure he would burst with pride.I'm welling up a bit actually.

lou33 · 14/04/2004 12:28

Susanmt, I think it's lovely

M2T · 14/04/2004 12:34

Dino -

Susanmt - That's lovely and hats off to both of you for managing it!

I must say that before my DH I was firmly a believer in equality.... If I wanted a one-night stand.... I'd have one! If a man could do it then why couldn't I. My friends were much the same. SO I was a bit wild between the ages of 17 and 21, but BOY WAS IT FUN!! And I have no regrets. Well, one or 2 horrors (beer goggles on at the time). I've had 3 serious relationships before DH, the rest were a bit of fun.... they knew it and I knew it. I wasn't easy by any means, but if I was attracted to a guy and it felt right, then why not.

I had a great time, didn't get hurt/pregnant/diseases.... I got it all out of my system so I was ready to settle down at the age of 22.

Am I officially a slut? Or will we just say I was a ladette.