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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
ledodgyrobespierre · 07/09/2006 09:17

OMG No real advice but i'm so sorry you're going through this I hope everything turns out ok.

WelshBoris · 07/09/2006 09:17

oh shit kelly i wish i knew what to say but i have experience of this

someone will be along shortly to give you some proper advice til then ill send you my love and support x

MrsFio · 07/09/2006 09:18

oh kelly

Has he ever been seen by a developmental paed? has he got any kind of diagnosis?

If not you really need to get to the bottom of this

Have you wrote down all the things you think are 'not right' (sorry brain freeze cant think of a PC way or writing it) with your ds to show the hospital medical staff?

Bozza · 07/09/2006 09:18

Kelly so sorry to read this. I do not know what to advise but hope someone will be along soon to help. What sort of SN does DS1 have?

biglips · 07/09/2006 09:19

blimey!!!! ... hope you will get lots of support on this situation xxxxx

hulababy · 07/09/2006 09:19

Have to advice, sorry, - hopefully those int he know will be along soon. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and your family.

Bozza · 07/09/2006 09:20

Writing things down like Fio says is always a good idea. Maybe keep a diary of events so far that may be helpful when discussing it in the future.

ggglimpopo · 07/09/2006 09:21

Message withdrawn

griffintribe · 07/09/2006 09:21

My heart goes out to you. Try and stay as calm as possible, getting angry will not help your case. I am sure that when ss watch you with your ds they will see that you have a loving relationship. If he is clumsy and bumps into things a lot they will also eventually notice this and understand no one is abusing him.
I live next door to a single mum who has two young kids and she drinks heavily, screams abuse at the kids, takes drugs, leaves the kids home alone while she goes to the pub, and is an all round unfit mother. She has had ss round several times and yet she still has the kids, so dont give up hope.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:22

he has had a multidisciplianry assessment and is under a paed already. They haven't dx him, but jsut gave a vague dx of 'social and communicational difficulties, and physical difficulties' or soemthing. The other problem is that since that report he has changed a lot. He has always been late developing, and he has gone from extremely passive to what is like the terrible twos. Nobody outside has seen this aspect of his behaviour.

the paed at the hospital is saying that he sees lots of sn kids, but this still doesn't fit, and I can give any other explanation.

OP posts:
colditz · 07/09/2006 09:22

I really hope someone who can help you comes soon, I have nothing to offer but support though.

harpsichordcarrier · 07/09/2006 09:22

kelly i am very very sorry to read this .
do you have anyone who ciould speak for you with the medical staff/social services - a relative or friend who could support you.
if this were me i would immediately get some legal advice.
try here

gothicmama · 07/09/2006 09:23

Kelly1978 writing down when/how you think he aquired bruises, describe his behaviour and his special needs, also write down what happenned the other night what ds did what dp did what you did and anyone else who was there, see this as an opprtunity to get the professional help you think ds needs.

TheRealCam · 07/09/2006 09:23

Sorry to hear this Kelly.

Not sure that I can give you any valid advice, hope someone on here can though.

badkarma · 07/09/2006 09:23

Aw Jesus. Your poor wee fella. Stuck in a hospital and being poked and prodded. I hope they get this sorted soon and find a cause for his bruising. I hope for the best outcome for the wee boy and that your family isn't torn apart

NomDePlume · 07/09/2006 09:23

Kelly, how terrible for you . I wish I had helpful advice, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you x

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:24

I jsut can't believe it is gettign this far. They are happy watching my relationship with him and have said that, but I don't want to lose my dp neither. I can't cope with four kids on my own, and I don't want them to lose thier dad.

OP posts:
TheRealCam · 07/09/2006 09:24

Excellent ideas gothicmama.

misdee · 07/09/2006 09:24

oh kelly {{{hugs}}} i have a dd who has some sort of SN and also very clumsey, and this is my worst fear.

feel free to rant on here, and remember we are all here for you.

throckenholt · 07/09/2006 09:24

Hi Kelly,

big hugs, and try to calm down. Keeep in mind that they are trying to protect him - until they are sure he is safe they are going to be ultra careful. Are you allowed to go visit it him ?

Dig out all the notes you have for past requests for help - you say you have been trying to get help for ages.

Have you got any photos of him from holiday - that might help with the bruises ? Do you remember how he got the bruises ?

Has there ever been any concern about bruises before ? Has the gp or the school or nursery ever said anything. Have you any independeent witnesses to his normal clumsiness ?

Give DP a big hug - he must feel awful too.

Bibliophile · 07/09/2006 09:24

I'd get a solicitor, fast.

ledodgyrobespierre · 07/09/2006 09:26

I know this sounds a bit off the wall but could you show them posts you've made on the special needs section about your ds over the years on here to show them how long you've been concerned and also as some kind of marker to how his behaviour etc has developed?

MrsFio · 07/09/2006 09:27

I think the fact that he has had a multi disciplinary hearing will go in your favour Kelly, plus the fact it is noted he has physical difficulties. He sound emotionally imamture for his age aswell, which would point to him lieing about the bruises aswell.

Have social services been in touch yet?

Have you got a good relationship with your HV or have you ever been in touch with the special needs health visitor? Do you think the paed would 'back you up'?

I think if your HV is good, then ring her now and tell her what is happening. If you havent then ring the CDC and ask to speak to the special needs HV and explain the situation as she will be able to help, as will the paed most probably

and msn gggglimpopo as she is very good on this type of thing and lovely

serenity · 07/09/2006 09:29

This is awful Kelly

Have you seen anyone, anyone at all about your DSs SN who can back you up? What about back in Croydon? Would your GP/HV down here be able to confirm to the SS/GPs where you are now, that this is an ongoing problem? How about copies of emails, letters etc?

Hopefully if they keep your DS under observation they will be able to see the problems for themselves which can only help, surely?

gothicmama · 07/09/2006 09:29

kelly - why do you think it will come down to a choice, is there something in the way your dp is with your son that concerns you- sorry that may seem a hard question to ask. Has anyone explained the process they are going through at the moment,

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