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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:29

Both of you

look, if they decide to go it could go to court in next few hours

no solicitor = no help to keep ds with you

CAB can give you initial legal advice free
Legal Aid available for people on low incomes

But you have no choice, I'd sleep on the street for da decent solicitor in this situation and TBH I can't believe youa re hesitating!

And you BOTH need representation, as a family unit.

gothicmama · 07/09/2006 10:30

Kelly1978 hang in there it will get sorted although it may take more time than you would like, at the moment they are investigating the possibility they also have explained what may happen I understand it is upsetting for you and your dp but be as open and honest as youcan be, as I said before it may lead to help for your ds

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:30

CAB

Take the kids if you have to, OK? They can be collected by a relative from there

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:33

I am trying to find one. I am in ascot. my other prob is how do i see them and be up the hosp at the same time.

OP posts:
Enid · 07/09/2006 10:33

please stop posting on here and either ring a solicitor or go to your son

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:38

there you go- a solicitor

Mum2FunkyDude · 07/09/2006 10:41

I cannot tell you how sad and angry I feel on your behalf, you are living each parent's worse fear.

I think you should rather look at this as an opportunity to get your son diagnosed. A sort of blessing in disguise. Where ss is concerned I assume they have protocols and that the process starts somewhere. In this case I think the fact that they are willing to let you stay with him should ease your worries a little, as I do not think they will let a potential abusive parent near a child.

Best of luck and I do hope you get this sorted out.

essbee · 07/09/2006 10:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:44

enid I am waiting for my dps aunt then we will be up the hosp. I don't want to be sitting here, but I am gettign good advice.
Waiitng for solicitor to call back now, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:45

Ive been on the phone and talkign to ppl all mornign trying to fight this

OP posts:
gothicmama · 07/09/2006 10:45

slight hijact essbee all disabled children are considred children in need by the Local Authority and they are legally bound to keep a register

hunkermunker · 07/09/2006 10:46

Not sure if anyone's said this, but are there any threads you've started on here or posts re your worries about DS1 prior to today? I'm sure there are other people who will be happy to search - I'm going out in a mo, but perhaps other MNers will?

I seem to recall you saying one of your sons had "vacant" (sorry, can't think fast enough to use a better word - I don't mean this unkindly) moments - didn't you find him standing in the bathroom by himself in a kind of trance or am I thinking of someone else?

I'm so, so sorry, Kelly. I hope this is all resolved speedily. I haven't read the whole thread, just snippets - sending you much love and strength x x x x x

essbee · 07/09/2006 10:49

Message withdrawn

Misspiggy · 07/09/2006 10:54

Kelly - I'm near you in Sandhurst and fairly flexible workwise today and tomorrow. Mail me on [email protected] (work email addy) if I can help sit with the children or in any other way. x

geekgrrl · 07/09/2006 10:57

essbee,look here :
"In accordance with the Children Act, all disabled children are children in need. The Act defines a category of children in need for whom Children's Services should provide services, if necessary, to safeguard and promote their welfare. "

Hope that gives you some reassurance.

Sorry for the hijack Kelly, I don't have anything useful to add, thinking of you though.

edam · 07/09/2006 10:58

OMG Kelly I am appalled for you. Please use the advice here about contacting solicitors/CAB/disability advocacy service and other sources of help. And writing down all the details about his behaviour and the occasions when he has hurt himself/when and how his behaviour worsened/all the steps you have taken to get help.

Cassoulet · 07/09/2006 11:01

How awful for you. No advice, but thinking of you. Best of luck.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 11:06

Im off to the hospital now. Thanks for all the advice and good wishes. will update later. Kelly x

OP posts:
gothicmama · 07/09/2006 11:11

esbee geekgirl has said it perfectly - kelly hope it gets sorted out if you want to check anything let me know

laughoutloud · 07/09/2006 11:20

Kelly, I haven't read all of this thread but:

It is extremely difficult to date bruising as the evidence for how the appearance of bruises change over time simply isn't available as it's too highly variable to study accurately, not to mention the ethical probs.

Unless the bruises are very specific in nature then it is very difficult to say they are definitely non-accidental. Handmarks, fingertip patterns for example are clearly suspicious (not saying that's what your ds has) whereas small round bruises for example can be easily caused by accidental knocks. Bony prominences are much more likely to be accidentally bruised, eg knees and shins, than soft fleshy areas like buttocks and thighs.

It's also important that the history behind the bruising matches the pattern of bruising.

Was it a consultant paed who saw your child? If not then demand that a consultant with an interest in childprotection sees your lo. Every hospital trust should have a paed who is the lead for childprotection within that trust. Ask who they are and if they can assess your lo.

Let them take photos of your lo if they ask. They can provide objective evidence for the future if needed.

Please try to stay calm (although this must be extremely difficult). Don't be angry with the school, they were just doing their job.

Hope things work out for you. keep us updated. x

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 11:20

Hope it gets better Sweetheart

Sorry if I were a bit strict, had to be done I'm afraid.

keep us updated.

Misspiggy · 07/09/2006 11:22

Good luck Kelly. Get in touch if I can help.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 11:23

support for you

laughoutloud · 07/09/2006 11:28

esbee, I think that the confusion re child in need comes because some children are classified as being a "child in need" when they are not disabled themselves. Examples might be if their parents are caring and kind but perhaps have a learning disability or mental or physical illness that might make it harder for them to meet the needs of their lo. So although all disabled children should be children in need they are not the children who will be on this list. Please don't think of it as a stigma but as a way to access further resources for you and your lo .

laughoutloud · 07/09/2006 11:32

Oops, meant to say "not the only children who will be on this list".