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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
Mercy · 07/09/2006 10:02

OMG, what an awful situation Kelly

So the school contacted Social Services without speaking to you first? Is that normal procedure?

foxinsocks · 07/09/2006 10:04

oh kelly, how awful. I'm so sorry for you and your family (poor dp - he must feel dreadful).

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 10:05

this looks like a loving caring and concerned parent to me, could be helpful if things turn sour, iykwim

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:09

mercy yes it is
tenealady, good thinking, thank you

the social worker alled me jsut now,. They are going to be heading up there in an hour or so. Things looking slightly good, that they are saying hopefully we wont be up the hosp all day today. But I have got optimistic so many times, and then it has just carried on. I'm on a emotional rollercoaster.

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 07/09/2006 10:09

kelly, what an awful situation.
ive got to go out but will post later, so quick post for now.
tbh, im flabbergasted that they have removed your ds1 without the medical results.
what ever the paed decides btw you have the right to challenge and ask for a second opinion before any further action is taken.
i will post more when i come back.
hang on in there.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:10

his nursery teacher has been really good actually. she is shocked it is all going this far and was rather apolygetic but explaining that this is normal procedure. she came home with us to help sort it out and even to try to help dealign with his problems, but it was futile because they wouldnt discuss it at that point.

OP posts:
StrawberryMoon · 07/09/2006 10:10

no experience or advice, just wish you lots of good luck, and hope they see sense

SpaceCadet · 07/09/2006 10:11

mercy, unfortunately, schools can contact ss first without contacting parents, its not right

StrawberryMoon · 07/09/2006 10:11

p.s my friends dd is 4 and it her new 'thing' to tell the most profound lies at the minute..surely they know what kids are like?

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 10:12

Great that the nursery teacher is helping you too, it all must help.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:15

Ive jsut spoken to his nursery teacher and she has told me she has been called to a meeting ater today neway. so it hink that is it, they have decided it is abuse.

OP posts:
Blu · 07/09/2006 10:15

Kelly - horrible for you, but do try to stay as calm as possible. This isn't personal against you, it is a procedure for checking that children ARE ok - co-operate and give them all the facts - it all adds up very logically in your favour, and you have lots of people who will be able to give thier pov / evidence in due course. As Peachy says, there has to be a court order in order for children to be taken away.

Can another member of your family get to work on finding afamily solicitor while you go to the hospital? What is your DH doing? Impress uopn him that this is not personal but a procedure - he must be feeling terrible too.

Blu · 07/09/2006 10:16

Kelly, that is NOT the only conclusion to be drawn from that! They will be obliged to interview the nursery teacher - and as you have already said, she is sympathetic to you! They are FINDING OUT. They will find out the truth!

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:17

how can I tell him it isnt personal when they are acusing him of abuse.

OP posts:
katierocket · 07/09/2006 10:19

Blu is right Kelly. I cannot begin to imagine how awful this must be but try really hard to stay calm. My MIL is a social worker and specialises in child protection. They do not just remove children from families and never give them back. They work very hard to find out the truth. Actually removing a child from the family home is very much a last resort.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:19

They do know what kids are like, of course they do. But what if they didn't believe all children without question? it's an ethic that has to remain, at least in the early stages of an investigation, although common sense should rapidly kick in after

I supported a girl years ago, personally not professionally, who accused her Dad of sexual abuse over 8 years. her mother thought she was lying, lots of people did (she was labelled trouble- hardly surprising). Anyway, SS DID investigate and as soona s they confronted dad he broke down and admitted it, much to many people shock.

it all sounds positive sweetheart, hopefully it ahs been a procedural thing and that this ends up being a positive step up to getting some help and a DX.

FWIW< My DS1 does this too- he told everyone at the holiday camp that I was kicking him; in all actuality (and fortubnately they had seen it) I was 'kicking' the water and splashing it on him from about 2 metres away. Scared met hough, DH and I have been paranoid ever since

katierocket · 07/09/2006 10:19

I meant to say

"Actually removing a child permanently from the family home is very much a last resort."

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:20

what about my dp though? I am scared of losing him too. I am really hoping to be able to bring ds back home 2n, but I am so scared that he is goin to be told to leave, as they said that was a possibility. They dont want him near him atm.

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:21

Oh and don't worry aboout the metting- if the teacher has called them to say she really doesn't think there is abuse going on, they will need her to go in to make a statement won't they?

coderoo · 07/09/2006 10:21

get dp to stay at a amates
your son needs you

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:23

that is fine in the short term cod

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:23

Please Kelly, call the solicitor. And the support group I gave you the link to earlier, the one for people falsely accused of abuse.

Open the yellow pages, look for the ad for family law solicitors and call one at random. They should be able to see you TODAY. If they cannot, call the next.

these things can move very fast- if it does go the wrong way for you, you need the solicitor in place this afternoon. it's not a should have, it's a NEED EMERGENCY

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 10:24

Short term gives you breathing space Kelly

ANd I know how scared you are but please.... get off here for a minute and get that telephone for the solicitor NOW

katierocket · 07/09/2006 10:25

Good advice from peachy

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 10:26

pc will we have to pay for that, we are in financial problems as it is. and do I need to get it or dp? he is beign acused.

OP posts: