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Original poster

Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:30

I dont think paed will helpt hat much, because the tantrums is a fairly new thing, but I willg et on to them.

dpo has been in tears a lot too, he is being made out to be an abuser. they have even mentioned the possibility of criminal cahrges.

OP posts:
Xena · 07/09/2006 09:30

Kelly I just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you and your family.xx

FoghornLeghorn · 07/09/2006 09:32

How awful Kelly . No advice i'm afraid but wanted to post x

MrsFio · 07/09/2006 09:32

Have social services been in touch since though? have you been deisgnated a social worker you can talk to?

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:33

dp is nto abusing my ds. Even if I had any sus[picion, the bruisises are supposed to have occured on hol where I was with ds at all times. I know how some of them were caused - e.g ds fell over backwards on to a hard beach with stones and cut his head and bruised his back, but I can't keep account of every single one.

OP posts:
maddiemostmerry · 07/09/2006 09:36

Co-operate as calmly and as fully as possible, explain any bruises if you know how and when they happened. I think I would insist that a OT and Physio see hin as a matter of urgency to assess him. My ds has hypermobility and has a huge black eye where he fell into a fence.

My fried has been in similar situation and it did get worked out although each family member had to be interviewed.

Hope things get worked out, I am very sorry.

Bibliophile · 07/09/2006 09:37

I really think you need a solicitor - one with experience of this sort of thing.

MrsFio · 07/09/2006 09:39

maddie, my dd has hypermobility aswell and the bruises are/can be terrible. She even fell when we were having a picnic (of all things) and split her head open (eek!)

Kelly a physio would be able to determine whether your son had low muscle tone, hypermobility etc just by examining him.

I think you do need to stay calm, how you do that I have no idea as I would be panic strikken too

acnebride · 07/09/2006 09:39

You sound so desperate kelly and i'm not surprised. i'd agree, get a solicitor, contact your MP, local councillor on the same council - anything at all so you have an advocate.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:39

people whoa re suggesting a solicitor, what would they hekp with?

OP posts:
PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 09:40

Kelly, Hi

They don't just take, they ahve to go to court to get an order, SO
get a solicitor now, firstly. if you're not sure of where to turn, go straight to your CAB and they will recommend a family solicitor for you.

You then need to speak to a disability advocate sercice- I will try and sort you one in a minute. CAB will help yu with this, also.

Has anyone else seen his behaviour, and can they give a statement to social services?

You need to be on the case today sweetie, despite being in shock. I will see what I can find though for advice.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/09/2006 09:45

Oh Kelly

hope DS is okay, and it's nothing sinister going on. I think consulting a family solicitor is a good idea, just to be on safe side - i think MamaG is one???

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 09:45

oh sweetheart, I cant see the screen for my tears, I hope and pray that the blood test will throw some light on little ones bruising and it will all be over soon. lots of hugs

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/09/2006 09:46

Sorry - when I said "nothing sinister", I mean with his bloods.....sorry - that was a rather inappropriate faux pas

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 09:48

We need a vague location, it would seem as there are social services advocatesm on a regional basis- you may feel comfy searching this yourself, but I am only a CAT away if you need help (and I used to do ajob linked to Social Services- homestart organiser- and indeed have a child with SN that sounds a little like yours)

contact these people here : bet they can get you in touch with the best poelpe in minuets

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 09:48

Have you had a health visitor or similar to help you with his needs, if so maybe they can assist you too as they will know you and how you are with your children?

misdee · 07/09/2006 09:49

the thing is, some children so just bruise easier than others. dd1 bruises very easily, dd2 not so easy, but dd2 is the clumsey one but has more bruises due to the amount of times she walks into the doorframes, falls over her own feet etc etc.

kelly, you need to gather all that evidence about your ds together. every single letyter from paeds, HV, his red book if it has any concerns.

liquidclocks · 07/09/2006 09:49

Kelly - big for you and DP, glad to see you're getting loads of good advice and support here. I've no idea how I'd cope but stay strong and brave for your LO's today... don't know what else to say - more .

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 09:50

I have a friend that is a social worker, I will paste this page to her and see if she can help with a course of action too.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:52

VVQV, no worries. The awfult hing is I am kind of hopiong the bloods do show up somthing. Then we would know why he bruises so easily. I do as well, so they are saying it might be a inherited thing.

OP posts:
coderoo · 07/09/2006 09:52

so he is at hospital a lone?
how old?

misdee · 07/09/2006 09:53

isht they a hyperflexability thing which also means they bruise easily? will go have a look, one mo.

Original poster
Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:53

he is 4. They offered to let me stay, but I had other kids at home, and had to get clothes and things. I am jsut waiting for a relative now to go up there with me.

OP posts:
gothicmama · 07/09/2006 09:56

I think from what you have said that the school has made a refferal to SSD, SSD have a duty to investigate the local authority should refer you to an independent adcice / advocacy agency as soon as inquiries commence under s47 of the children Act.
I think youneed to contact ssd to find out more about what is happenning stay calm

Clary · 07/09/2006 09:56

kelly some great advice on here, I have no expertise in this area at all but just to say that I'm thinking of you.
Cxx