Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

[Kelly1978]

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

I'm supposed to have been referred to homestart and a local charity called headstart which is similar a few weeks ago. The idea is that maybe for lcoal appointments like dd's opthamology and hearing tests they can come with me so I have anbother pair of hands for the dts. But I haven't heard anything yet, not even from HV, so don't know what is going on. For things liek hearing tests and eeg I really can't have the dts in the room.
It doesn't look like there will be any parenting courses or any counselling because it is all in school times. I can't take dd out of school, and dp can't take any more time off work.
i just feel really annoyed because this was all promised and nothing is gettign realised. I get bollocked for not askign for help, for not gettign things sorted but what can I do?! ds went back tot he paed yest, they are still refusing to dx him. They now want to wait until end of spring term and see him agian. So he isn';t going to get the help he needs despite all the work I have put in trying to get him support.
It jsut seems that they've put us through all this and only made it harder! I still have to work out childcare for case conferences and core team meetings which I am obliged to attend. So they've jsut increased the pressure and aren't helping at all iykwim!

plus with dp not allowed home I am getting abs no time away from the kids to do toher jobs. The car desperately needs new brake pads and I can't take it in! Aaaargh!

Kelly, what can I say...... You are desperately in need of ONE person near you who can help fight your corner. Like a sympathetic HV or GP who has knowledge from the inside and what help you can fight for. It just seems catch22. Its maddening.

oh Kelly, you have summed up the situation so well...it's really awful to hear that all the services have done is actually increase the stress on you rather than give practical help - guess why I am an EX social worker????!!!

However I do think Homestart and Headstart might still come up trumps, try getting on the phone to them and hassling for some help, I know they have their allocation procedures but it's the sqeaky wheel that gets the grease!

Keep strong, though I know how hard it must be...

Hi Kelly, have just read your thread. Sounds like one step forwards & two steps back, but you're hanging in there. If you re-read it you will see you have come a long way. I'm not in your shoes, but did have probs with dts when they were babies and just wanted to say that although things are well shite atm they will improve. Just take one day - one hour - at a time. You have so many good wishes coming your way. xxx

Kelly! I have just clicked this thread - sorry you've had to go through all this! If theres anything I can do, just ask, ok? xx

sunnysideup, must have been awful going through all that training to then be disallusioned. Are you sure you dont fancy relisting to be MY sw

My useless sw told me no more cming, then this morning the cm calls to arrange pickup! And she is booked for the core meeting next week. So at least that is something. Poor dt2 didn't want to go thoguh, was distraught. He seems very out of sorts and confused and I think we need to get things moving quicker. I want to build up gradually, but ith only really weekends to do it it is going to take forever.

Sorry missed your message Kelly, not been on much!

God, how I wuld have LOVED to be your SW; someone who puts the welfare of the children first, who turns up to meetings and does not shout and scream and make death threats to me; ideal client or what????

It's because people aren't like you that I'm doing something else now! Hope things start to settle a bit more now......I'm sure progress can be made even with just weekends, it's just getting into a routine I think.