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Please help me, social services have taken ds1 and are breaking our family up

508 replies

Kelly1978 · 07/09/2006 09:15

I am desperate and don't know what to do. I have been up all night, throwing up, not eaten since yesterday.

It all started monday. ds has special needs, I have been trying to get him help for years. He is 4. he had an almighty tantrum, the only way we could deal with it is to put him in bed to calm down. He went to school yesterday and lifted his tshirt to show lots of bruises and said dp threw him on the bed.

SS came round, said I had to take him top the gp immediately. The gp was concerned and referred him to the hospital, where he still is. He has seen a paed who is saying they are not consistant with normal rough and tumble, and that most of the bruises are around 2 weeks old - from when we are on holiday.

Nobody is abusing him. They came back and checked the other three and they don't have a mark on them - ds is the only one with special needs and this problem. He is very clumsy. He bruised himself three times in front of them yesterday but they still don't believe me.

Nothing I can say to them is convincing them. I am facing losing ds, or my dp, or god knows. I can't cope with this, we have done nothing wrong. All along we have been trying to help him. He is still waiting for physio.

I am waiting for dp's aunt to go up there today when we should get results of blood tests to see if they show any medical reason for excessive bruising. If not they are going to assume it is abuse.

Has anyone been in this situation? I don't know what to do, I can't live without my family around me, I feel absolute desperate. My thoughts are runnign between ending it all, and skipping the country. I don't see anyway out.

OP posts:
kimi · 07/09/2006 11:35

kelly my DS2 used to end up with handprint bruses every time ilifted him out of the bath, we had to have blood tests done as i took him to the Dr i was so worried, found no real problem and as he has got older its not so bad.
Good luck and try to stay calm

Uwila · 07/09/2006 12:57

Can you request (demand) a second opinion on the bruises? I would be on the phone to another GP for a second opinion on the cause of the bruises. Another GP may have another interpretation. In fact, I would go to a private Gp who could see me / my boy today (or as soon as he is out of the hospital).

Speaking of which, why is he in the hospital? Is it to keep him separate from you while they decide whether or not to give him back to you?

I find the power that SS has very frightening. I think if my kids ever bruise themselves I will think twice before taking them to any hospital.

fistfullofnappies · 07/09/2006 13:26

no real experience kelly, but thinking of you, your dp and your children, and hoping that all will be well soon.

PandaG · 07/09/2006 13:33

No advice, just wanted to post my support. xx

Hallgerda · 07/09/2006 13:40

No advice, but all the best to you and your family - I hope all will be well soon.

Jimjams2 · 07/09/2006 13:40

Kelly I'm so sorry to read this. When the immediate crisis is over it might be worth talking to BIBIC they are very understanding, and can provide a full developmental assessment and written reports. They can't diagnose, but they can very much help you get a diagnosis.

Saturn74 · 07/09/2006 13:42

No advice to add, Kelly, but sending my best wishes that this situation will be resolved for you all soon.

hairylegs · 07/09/2006 13:53

So sorry to hear this Kelly, I really hope that you get things sorted out asap.

I hope you don't mind this quick hijack but this morning, when I was dressing dd, I noticed that you had a bruise at the top of her leg that extends on to her vagina. My immediate thought was that something bad had happened, swifty followed by "she's done it on her bike". She is due to start school tomorrow though, what if it is spotted by a teacher? I don't know how concerned to be now.

Sorry again Kelly for hijacking.

Mhamai · 07/09/2006 14:00

Oh Hun can not add to anything that hasn't already been said but am thinking of you and sending you [hugs]

Kidstrack · 07/09/2006 14:11

thinking of you x

frumpygrumpy · 07/09/2006 14:13

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly darling, I've only just seen this. You poor thing, this is madness, you are the most fantastic mum. I'm going out on the school run but please keep posting, i
I'll try to get back on later today. Stay strong, we're with you on this honey XXXX.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 07/09/2006 14:33

I would back up what JimJams said, it was BIBIC who got us a diagnosis too, int hat we sent all their reports etc to the Paediatrician and she allowed them to substitute for all the reports that were outstanding.

You get achoice Somerset (Bridgwater, where I grew up) or South Wales (where I ive now- bizarre), both areas are nice for a bit of a vreak too and they can do bursariees- they never turn anyone away for financial reasons.

Ellbell · 07/09/2006 14:49

Kelly that is terrible. I'm so sorry. I have no advice, but I am thinking of you.

KES3 · 07/09/2006 14:51

I havent read all of this but wanted to say I am sorry to hear what you are going through and to reiterate that its important you get yourself a solicitor. They can come with you to any meetings with social services, make sure you are heard and also understand what is going on.

MamaG · 07/09/2006 14:55

God yes, get Solicitor ASAP, you should get Legal Aid.

TLV · 07/09/2006 15:01

so sorry to hear whats happened , thinking of you and hope it all gets sorted out asap

aitch71 · 07/09/2006 15:07

kelly, this is awful. but you must stay focused, get legal help immediately, then once you've done that you will have more time to concentrate on getting your family back together, not less.
also, throckenholt (i think) suggested you look out all the photos of your holiday. i think that is a good idea, and just didn't want you to miss it.
be brave.

WideWebWitch · 07/09/2006 15:49

Kelly, god this is awful, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, I read this in horror. You're getting good advice from other people on this thread.

tiptoes · 07/09/2006 15:57

Kelly-Just to add hope you get this sorted soon.
Thinking of you x

joelallie · 07/09/2006 16:36

Just wanted to add that I'm thinking of you too. Hope you have some reassuring news soon.

TenaLady · 07/09/2006 17:15

OMG i hope she is ok, she hasnt posted for ages, I know she will be a bit occupied but cant help worrying

serenity · 07/09/2006 17:17

Hopefully she's just still up at the hospital with her DS.

MoreTeaAnyone · 07/09/2006 17:37

Just read the thread. How awful, can't even begin to imagine.

Hope you hear some better news soon.

Scoobydooooo · 07/09/2006 17:39

Oh blimey this is sooo awful i really hope you get some good news soon.

I think this is going to be a long journey but do not give up, SS will throw everything at you, you must get legal help & advice because you may have a battle on your hands.

Goodluck i really hope everything woks out for the best xx

fullmoonfiend · 07/09/2006 17:53

Just read this and though I cannot help, just want to add my good wishes and support during this horrible, scary time.

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