quick thread, anyone still up & online?

[Dixie]

anyone there just for a chat?

yep, still here

So sorry to hear of all your problems - wish I could give some solid advice but can only offer my best wishes. If you want to chat I can stay on line as long as you need.

thanks but I'm actually starting to feel I could finally fall asleep....(can u believe I actually came to bed at 10.30....but only now do I feel I may finally drop of to the land of nod...)

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I really appreciate u offering to chat but, I have to take the sleep when I can.....

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Keep strong girl - you sound a lot better today. We are all here for you, make use of us, pouring out all those crappy feelings is the best way to get rid of the anger. I am often online late at night (shiftwork) so if you ever need a 'live' chat so to speak. Have a big cyber hug from me .... and get a good nights sleep.

Love Snugs

Dixie

You are right - how can you possibly have any respect or trust, let alone love, for this man who has done what he has to you and his own small children? Does he actually realise the full horror of the situation he has left you in? I'm sorry, these questions are probably entirely unhelpful but I feel such anger at this man.

Is he staying nearby? Can you contact him? I would phone and tell him that he has to get you some shopping; that you are stranded with no other means of doing it - is he going to let you and your children starve? Failing that, this must be a social services issue as you are unable to look after yourself and children at the moment. Your HV will be able to make contact and get some help for you.

I feel strongly that you need someone to stay with you, or at least be around for most of the day. Do you have any family member or friend able to do this? Is there a local person who would help, neighbour, acquaintance from your older child's toddler group perhaps? Please ask, you desperately need as much help as you can get. Or is there some family that you could go and stay with? Please contact Homestart, also local branch of NCT.

I wish I wasn't at the other end of the country, I would be there with you like a shot.

Sending you all lots of love.
Mopsy xxxx

Hi Dixie hang on in there. I agree that your so called dh should go and get you some shopping, he cant just leave you with no means of transport or means of getting about. Try and include yourself at meal time as that will affect your milk. I too wish I was closer to you and could help out by doing shopping for you etc. Like Mopsey says can a member of your family take some time to come and stay with you?
Thinking of you take care x

Dixie, your post made me cry... I feel for you so much and am so sorry that as you say what should be the happiest time of your life is in fact the saddest.

Whether your husband likes it or not he does have an obligation to the children an dyourself and I too would insist on some practical help...

Take care, thinking of you, Winnie x

Mopsy and Winnie are right, Dixie - if it is too much for him to support you in any other way, he should bl**dy well get his self-centred backside down to Sainsburys immediately.
You mentioned previously that you worked on Saturdays. I'd like to think that colleagues gave you a nice send-off when you went on mat leave, and that there was someone there who could help? I know my employers would definitely rally round if something like this was done to me. Were you in a union at work? They often have really great support networks. And, don't scoff, but are you in touch with your local church? People I did not then know all that well brought us food, washed up for us etc, when I was really ill and housebound after my C-section.
Sending you love and cyberhugs, and a huge poke in the eye to your h (can't bring myself to type "d" in front of that).

Hi, Dixie, just want to say that I agree with Mopsy, Winnie and Marina. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you as my delivery was similar to yours - I think you are so brave and strong. Is there anything that I can do to help?

On a practical level, Organics direct deliver anywhere in the country free of charge if you order a veg box. They stock virtually everything inc. cleaning products, baby food and nappies. of course, being organic it's more expensive but the your h can fork out for it if he won't go himself. www.organicsdirect.co.uk.

Love & hugs x

Hi Dixie - what a pig to tell you that he will reach his decision today! Well when he does phone, just tell him that YOU will decide whether or not he comes back and he can just bloody well wait for YOU to make up your mind! I really do feel that you are better off without him, I know that you are struggling at the moment, but in the long run he is not going to be supportive of you and could run off again at a moment's notice. He is not worthy of you and I would concentrate on getting yourself and your children strong, having him around will only weaken your resolve.

I know it seems scary to be a single parent right now when you need a partner the most. Do you not have a friend or family member who could spend a couple of weeks with you, just until you get back on your feet? Where do you live? One of us could even help out with the shopping, meals and so on if we live near enough.

I think Custardo is right, you have got to get yourself very angry indeed, who does he think he is to go riding roughshot over your feelings like this? What kind of a situation has he put you in? Ok, he may not feel love for you, but what about his children? Does he not want to see them? How can he run away from his own children? This man should not be called a father, get angry with him, anger at a time like this will make you strong. You will eat because you will want to show him that life does not end when he is not there, you can thrive and bring up healthy and happy children without him around.

Do stay in touch and please tell us where you live so we can help out.

Dixie, please tell us where you are and maybe there will be a mumsnetter living close who would be overjoyed to help out.

xx

Dixie - I just thought I'd add my sympathy to everyone else's. Sounds like you're doing better than I would in your situation - keep strong.

Dixie

I've only just started reading the mumsnet threads and I'd like to help.

The thread says that you might live near bluewater if this is the case then it would not take me long to drive to you as I live in Leyton and it's a straight road down to you. I can not come this weekend as my h is away and has the car, but I could come down on Monday afternoon and help you shop, have some time on you own, sit and talk whatever you want.

Your messages really strike a cord with me as I too had a terrible pregnancy, horific labour, followed by an emergency c-section under general anesthetic, meanwhile dealing with my sons health problems. I can't even begin to imagine what a mess I would of been if I hadn't had the support of every one around me, both emotionally and physically.

You need to think of you and your children and nobody else, be as selfish as you need to be and take advantage of help no matter where it comes from and if the offers are not there than ask for help and don't worry about what other people will think.

Ideally you need to be going to stay with your mum or a close friend and let them run around after you and your children so you can rest and recover from everything that has happened. If that is not possible let us come to you and at least get you some shopping and give you some time to rest.

Don't think you are putting me out, your not, I'll come down and help you out anyway you want, just let me know.

Thinking of you and your babies.

P.S. don't put your self down you are strong, you are getting on and doing what needs to be done at a time when others would not cope and thats as strong as it comes. xx

Dixie, thinking of you. Any chance your neighbours could help out with some of the practicalities? ie local shopping? They won't have to go out of their way, after all.

What sort of relationship do you have with your husband's parents? can you talk to them? can they offer support - ie in person or paying for home help for you.

If your husband is so final in his words, I would say you have absolute carte blanche to approach them directly yourself. Your children are their grandchildren after all, and surely they do not want you all to suffer.

Dixie, I know I don't know you, but I cried when I first read your post. I feel the same as everyone else: can we help? Agree with Sobernow, I'm also happy to make phone calls or whatever if it would help. You can email me at [email protected] and I'll give you my phone number (you don't have to give me yours then if you don't want to). I'm very persistent and usually get what I want from phone calls! If not I hope you've managed to get some practical help at least from in-laws or someone.

Your posts have really really touched me! (made me cry about something diferent as well) To know that complete strangers are prepared to help me, come over etc just shows how truly truly wonderful people can be.....I am so over whelmed by all your reactions. My husband declared that it was over between us yesterday, he said he had given it alot of thought but just couldn't see us getting through it and being happy again....I can see where he's coming from theres alot more gone on than I could ever begin to type and I have been pretty awful to him this last year but I also consider it to be due to alot of family stress I've been under & also the traumatic pregnancy etc and just feel if he waited it out things would have got better...my HV feels maybe he's got a bit depressed under the strain himself & is just acting out of character and may come to his senses. I don't know....I really just wanted to say thanks for all your messages and I may well get in touch with some of you..but just now I need to have some to time to accept things so please don't think I'm not grateful....I will be in touch if I end up needing some more help...my family are trying to help but there own situations make it difficult too. My HV is looking into some possibilities so I should be ok. Sainsburys deliver to my parents area so I will be able to shop it to there & my mum can bring it over....I just can't say thanks enough to you all though...you truly are a wonderful bunch of people!!

Dixie

Your HV is right he may be a bit depressed after the hard pregnancy and come to his senses in time. I know that after our baby had been born and all his scans, ECG's etc. had been done so we knew exactly where we stood with his health probs, my DH fell apart and we had some huge rows (right in front of everyone in the hospital!) because he just couldn't hold it together anymore as he had been being strong for me and had also found out that his mum was i'll but not wanted to worry me. It's not an excuse for what he's done but it is possibly understandable.

Hang in there, things have a way of sorting themselves out. If you want him back (which it sounds like you do) leave the channels of communication open and see what happens.

Just shout if you need anything. xx

Hear hear sobernow, you just shout when you need us Dixie. I don't drive but intend popping down to Bluewater on the train sometime this summer, during the week - if you can get there for a coffee, I'll stand you the biggest most disgustingly sweet and creamy beverage you fancy in the cafe of your choice. I will make a proper effort to plan ahead this time and try and get mumsnet to mail you a week beforehand.

Dixie, you are being so brave, I can't believe he is behaving in this way. Just to echo what Marina said earlier about getting in touch with your local church - I was so grateful when the church I attend came round with dinners and frozen meals when ds was born, and they are always more than willing to help out with shopping/cooking etc. if someone is ill or in hospital. Thinking and praying for you. Keep posting here. XXXXXX