quick thread, anyone still up & online?

[Dixie]

anyone there just for a chat?

Dixie, I'm so very sorry you feel so alone. What an awful, selfish thing for your husband to do. I do hope your health visitor can help you lots.

If you need to talk this through with someone at any time of the day or night, you could also call the samaratans. They are good listeners and they'll have info on other help, too.

I'm desperately hoping you have support from family and friends quickly or someone who can stay near to you. Please don't hold back on asking for it.

Wish I could say more to help. I feel so helpless. I hope posting on here has helped - you're right not to keep things bottled in. Sending a cyberhug to your toddler, your new baby, and to you.

dixie, hang in there, so sorry this has happened. best wishes.

Dixie - I can't believe how selfish your husband is being. Has he literally left the house? It must be difficult from a practical point of view apart from anything else - what would he think if you suddenly decided you'd had enough and upped sticks? IMO that's what marriage is all about - you make compromises for the good of the family as a whole, and in return you get a partner who you can depend on through thick and thin. It sounds like you've made alot of sacrifices recently, and been under alot of pressure with your new baby's medical condition, and the least you can expect is a bit of support when you're so much in need of it.

I hope your husband has a word with himself and comes to his senses very soon. Lots of love, R.

Dixie - hope you're ok. Let us know when you get the chance.

Dixie
DO hope you're OK. Feel so sad you're at such a low ebb - and no wonder. Can't add any more to the suggestions, but hang on in there, and talk to us when you can.
Big hugs...
F

Dear Dixie
Have been thinking about you this afternoon since I read your posting. Feel useless and can't think of anything else to say other than keep talking if you can, to your husband if you are in contact, family, to HV and to us here on Mumsnet, we're here to support you. I was overwhelmed by the kind messages I received a few months ago when I miscarried and found them a great source of comfort.
Thinking of you and your little ones.
Lots of love
Melly xx

dixie - have been thinking abaout you all da since i read your post earlier but didn't know what to say. Thinking of you and your little ones, sending you lots of love xxxxxxxx

I'm not up to a big post but just want to say THANKS!! you lot are great

I've already spoken to HV & Rang a Counsellor. HV also mentioned homestart..we're going to take things slowly at my request as it's still all too fresh.

Husband has been in touch by phone but I was still too hurt to talk. he just said nothing is permenant he just needs time out to think..blah blah...

You sound a bit better tonight Dixie. Hope things sort themselves out for you. x

you can mail me at [email protected] then we can talk on the phone whenever you want - which would be nice because i have moved along way from home very recently too, and would like someone to do the same for me ( ps am mini insomniac which could be helpful!!) hugs and kisses to you and yours am sorry for you. i know we are all different and im not the kind of person who will tell you what you "want" to hear, but please get angry and when he phones tell him you will do fine thank you very much and your going to screw him with the CSA to the point where he will be better off on benefits , perhaps he is going through a mini crisis, and perhaps i should be more nerstanding and sympathetic for him but BLLOX! he walked out on you! get angry, get very angry.
pps... am good listener honest .....despite this last message i promise... mail me, phone me, any way i can help at all let me know ok?
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Dixie
I am so impressed and pleased for you that you've taken such positive action for you and your family, I take my hat off to you.

As for your husband, yes we all have emotional crises, but it is so weak of him to have behaved in this way. The only thing I can say is that men are generally so uncomfortable with strong emotions that they are compelled to translate them into physical action (in this case, running away). Unfortunately it comes across as the most childish attention-seeking. Only you and he can figure out whether you'll be able to sort this out and continue to have a relationship, but I suspect that you will find it extremely difficult to forgive him for his cowardly betrayal; as you get better and stronger you will feel powerfully hurt and angry about it for a while and sadly IME these emotions don't sit very well with love.

Keep posting Dixie, I'm thinking of you lots.
all the best, Mopsy xx

Mopsy

If it wasn't for the fact that you are so right about most men I'd be insulted.

As it is you have the majority of us pinned down very well.

Dixie

I'm sorry to hear all of this has happened and I hope that you and DH can resolve this soon and get things back to a good state.

Best wishes to you and the children.

Dear Dixie
thank you for posting as we were all worrying about you. It's good to hear from you. Your dh is very "lucky" that he can have time out when he is the father of a toddler and newborn isn't he? Sometimes men just don't get it.

Sobernow

If I for one minute thought that the majority of men did not look at running as a solution to what they see as major problems, such as this, then I'd be happy to argue.

Unfortunately most men do think that way and I really cannot understand why men don't have the backbone to stick it out and sort things through.

Dixie, I hope as the days go on you find some equlibrium, with or without your husband. I think custardo's right about getting angry - I hope you can make that anger work for you to get you through this. It doesn't have to mean you're pushing your husband is out of your life forever. Even if angry, you can still say you're prepared to talk things through with him.

I don't know what your relationship was like before this, whether your husband was supportive, whether this is a temporary crisis for him or whether the seeds were sown a long time ago. I think you're so right to take things slowly for now. IME such confused situations need time to unravel.

Whatever else is happening, you have your children - the source of so much joy. Sorry if this sounds like a cliche, but to me it's true. As they grow up, my children have given me so much hope and happiness. They have become a source of strength. Like you, I have no family living nearby, and have recently moved to a new area. Without my children I would feel so much more alone. By leaving you all, your husband is cutting himself off from so much happiness, if only he could see it.

Glad you were able to post, Dixie. Thinking of you.

Dixie, sending you love and cyber hugs... hope you can keep strong... you and your children don't deserve to have been treated like this, thinking of you, Winnie x

Dixie, love and cuddles from me and my family. Take care.

Tigger
XXXXXX

dixie,

thinking of you. Just let us know if there's anything extra we can do to help. love buttercup

Dixie, I have just read your postings. What an awful situation. Whilst in no way excusing what your husband has done (no man should leave his wife at a time like this, I get stressed when my DH has to go out for the evening and leaves me with the two of them and I have not had the extra worries and stress that you have) is it possible that he is not coping, my DH had what I can only describe as a breakdown after DS1 was born, there was alot more going on at the time for him more than just the new baby, he did not leave me but I resented the fact that he was not there for me as he should have been.

It seems so unfair that a man thinks they can go and get time to sort things out at a time like this, do they not realise that us women have it all to cope with as well (usually 24/7) and do not have this luxury? Anyway perhaps some time is all your husband needs (selfish and all), IME men can't cope at times like this.

Thinking of you, hope you can get some extra help, Homestart sounds like a good idea.

Just to let you know I'm doing as ok as I can...I have had some very low moments but the two children are obviously keeping me busy. I am finding it very hard & tiring (and I'm still in quite a lot of pain from the caesarean ? being investigated at moment as I may have a possible infection.....) I'm also very stranded in the fact I'm unable to drive ? so need some shopping badly...I tried to do it on line with Sainsbury's or Asda but they don't bloody deliver to my area!! (i feel like nothings going my way right now...)

I'm trying to keep strong, hubby has been in touch to talk but he really seems to have given up on me...he says he no longer loves me & just can't bear being with me anymore..it hurts a lot to hear that sort of remark & it really makes me think that he is going to make it a permanate thing.

i am also very very angry about it all...part of me wonders if I want him back after this...I mean what sort of man is he to do this .....He sure isn't the sort of man I thought he was nor the sort of man I would like to be with if he can be that heartless. I'm also angry because what should have been a really happy time..the birth of a new baby, our baby has been turned into one of the saddest times of my life...do you follow what I mean.....

I am rambling away here, sorry, just thinking 'aloud' of sorts.

Thanks for all your support it does help...and as for me being so good about telling Hv & contacting counsellor it really wasn't that brave of me.....it just so happened the HV was due to come & weigh the new baby etc& I just crumbled into a heap of tears when she asked how I was doing....so not very brave or positive at all just timing....I'm really not being that strong at all...I'm on auto pilot for the children...I manage to do all the necessary for them both but find it hard to do things for me...like I make sure ds1 has all his daily meals but just bearly find I'm able to eat myself...I think this maybe affecting my milk supply....baby's feeding has gone all weird..but maybe I should go to another thread for that....hubby says he'll give me his decisin tomorow (how can he know that such a life changing decsion can be reached by tomorrow, how can he put a time limit on himself & KNOW he will have sussed out his feelings by then.....??????)
I'm going to stay on line for a while till 00.30, so if anyone is there???

Dixie - are you still online?