DD1 has been invited to a party and the invitation says "No gifts please, only donations inside the card"...OUTRAGEOUS!!

[SourOldBat]

I thought at first that it was a request for donations to a charity that the family support, but no, they are asking for MONEY for their DS so that he can choose his own presents!

I think this is outrageous - think I will buy him a small gift and enclose a donation (cheque) to a charity within and say "what alovely idea..."

What would you do??

JImjams- i dare you to ask for that (a days outing) for DS1 at his next b'day

at Babyannabel. what is the world coming to grumble grumble. This is clearly going to be the done thing before long. I am horrified. And do you know what really bugs me? despite the huge numbers of people who object to the relentless march to a more and more materialistic acquisitive society (ie all my rl friends and just about everyone on mn!) it still happens. How does that work? It's so bloody insidious it makes me want to live in a commune.

lol babyannabel

I SO wish you could post the whole list

PMSL Blu. Run away run away :o

Right on Hatwoman !

Perhaps we could start a society of non-materialistic mothers.

We could say "Oh I'm sorry Toby can't bring a gift to Hugo's party but we are non-materialistic nad make donatons to charity in his name instead"

It's not even any extra work for the host like saying Toby can come to Hugo's party but he's vegan so he can only eat limited sorts party food, we'll bring our own.

Oh and non-materialistic society members would ban party bags also !

Fennel, DS1 is shaping up to be very like me - and I never would have dreamt of telling someone I already had something As a very young child (as young as two), I had impeccable manners and great empathy - has slipped in recent years, I think

Today, a boy in ds' class had a birthday. His mum brought in party bags for every child, stuffed full with sweets. I was , and so was the teacher! I'm not going down that route...a multi-pack of haribo mini-packs is more than enough for school kids. I don't really like that either.

Show-offs.

I'm working on my list now:

Riding lessons
Ballet lessons
Guitar lessons
Swimming lessons
ISA
Premium bonds
Private school vouchers
Private medicine fund contribution
Driving lessons fund (well, you have to plan ahead)
Pension fund? Too far ahead perhaps?

On the no list would go:

Hotwheels
Anything Barbie
Anything Disney
Anything associated with any film, cartoon or kid's programme
Any toys
Anything the birthday child will actually enjoy

Now, where's the guest-list?

I would send a card and in it write:

"Please could you let me know the sort of present X would like for around £X so I may purchase it, wrap it up and give the little mite the enjoyment of opening something that may just turn out to be a delightful surprise... YOU MISERABLE BASTARDS"

(delete last 3 words if required)

Have been thinking about this issue a lot and actually started a thread about it recently. For dd's b'day this year I am planning to say 'no pressies please but there will be a wishing well for X charity at the party for the children to throw coins into if you want to contribute'. Dd will get pressies from close friends & family so she won;t lose out.

I think you are in danger of looking at it from a responsible adult's point of view Moomin. Of course we all sit there after kids' parties and sigh over the acres of wrapping paper covering the landfill tip-sized pile of plastic tat that our kids receive for their birthday from their friends, wondering what the hell we are going to do with it all, but you are forgetting that it is their birthday, not yours, and they should be entitled to receive gifts their friends wish to give them. My kids would feel pretty miffed if they received no presents from their borthday gifts but instead had to watch money being donated to the 'third world' wherever that is (remember I'm thinking from a child's perspective here).. and would the 'givers' understand what they are doing?

I tend to hide away some of the gifts DS receives but doesn't show much interest in and then after a suitable period give them away to a charity shop. That way they get to donate to the needy without feeling left out!

can see your point but how am i ever going to teach dd that birthdays are not all about presents but more to do with feeling special, spedning the day with all your friends having fun etc? Probably not a very popular view and will possibly come across as woolly and pious or whatever but i object to all the good money spent on pressies bought by people who don't really know dd so probably buy her something she will never use? isn't it better to bring say £2 of coins to a party rather than spend £5/£10 whatever on a present and wrapping and all that?This idea would only be for the guests at her party - she'll get plenty elsewhere believe me! thought the wishing well or similar would make it more fun.

btw charity would be either local children's hospice or might even be money towards play area that me and some others are maybe going to look into locally, so both would be known and relevant to the kids (and parents) at the party.

I would love to do a final party for DS in Yr6, invite LOADS & say, no pressies but it's a Bring n Share tea - pleased bring a plate of something! Then have a swimming party & all the food will be ready afterwards :)

Depends on the age of the child as to whether they think birthdays are just about presents. I just think that children are too young to understand sometimes, especially if they see their friends getting things that they don't.

For a young child, birthdays are all about presents. They love receiving them but IME they love giving them too, which is the other side of the coin.

The OP's dilemma completely takes away the giving/receiving process and that's what makes the birthday a soulless, money-grabbing affair.

Caligula - you forgot university fees

Gosh! I think what I will do is just buy a gift as I would do normally - DD likes to choose. Have to say, am sorely tempted to give donation for a goat and a small gift to open as well.

the rudeness is spreading, first we have people compiling lists of what they want others to buy for their wedding gift, then we have the selling of unwanted gifts eg xmas, and folks who laugh about other peoples gifts to them and now we have instructions for birthdays too!

i just think its all a damn cheek. people should be grateful for what they get - if anything!

my sons surprise birthday party last year made him happier than any gift i had bought him. they all had a fantastic time. all of his friends turned up, some brought gifts, some didnt. ds never even noticed the presents were on the table until much later on. that doesnt mean he's ungrateful, it means he is more interested in having fun with his friends. thats how ive always felt about things too so perhaps its rubbed off on him. i cant get my head around these lists and things..where's the fun gone?!

SOB, you could kill two birds with one stone and wrap a goat for the child?

"doubles" of presents are useful resource in our house..saves me from going shopping