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Original poster

DD1 has been invited to a party and the invitation says "No gifts please, only donations inside the card"...OUTRAGEOUS!!

222 replies

SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 18:56

I thought at first that it was a request for donations to a charity that the family support, but no, they are asking for MONEY for their DS so that he can choose his own presents!

I think this is outrageous - think I will buy him a small gift and enclose a donation (cheque) to a charity within and say "what alovely idea..."

What would you do??

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 22:53

i guess we'll agree to disagree, b/c from my childhood, the thing i remember as being most magical about my birthday was just being made a fuss over all day and having a cake - my mum baked them all for us or my lovely Tia (aunt) Ninfa. and getting to wear a special dress and the pinata.

Orinoco · 13/03/2006 22:53

Absolutely Expat - giving is not the exclusive right of adults. But little children should be allowed to be little children and indulged once a year.

Off to bed now, night!

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 22:55

you can be indulged w/o 'stuff'.

DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2006 22:56

Well I dond't see what is wrong with giving a child a gift either. Let's face it, none of our children need any more toys, but the thing that has really got my goat (pun intended) are the posters here who are saying "How outrageous that these parents asked for money [which I agree is not the done thing or done in a nice enough way] so let's punish their oafishness by giving the child an Oxfam goat". That is oafish IMO.

paolosgirl · 13/03/2006 22:57

How do you know the child would feel punished? Crikey, if that's your perception of a gift like that, then I feel very Sad

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 22:58

meanwhile, the family that got the goat maybe had some milk to drink . . .

DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2006 23:01

How do you know they won't feel punished? It is their special day and they (presumably) deserve some presents. What gives you the right to say they must learn about the charity of giving to those less fortunate than themselves? Teach that lesson to your own children by all means, but don't presume to teach it to another child.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 23:04

what gives someone the right to demand money from a person for their child in lieu of a gift?

paolosgirl · 13/03/2006 23:05

Well, one could point out that the child's parents haven't really shown themselves to be particularly philanthropic, have they?

And they haven't asked everyone to 'indulge' the child with presents, either. They've asked for the hard cash...

swedishmum · 13/03/2006 23:07

We had one of these a couple of years ago - wording was something like " I don't need presents but want to buy this DVD player for my room" (photo from Argos or similar). I was shocked. So were other parents I spoke to. Put in a fiver but wasn't happy.

Celia2 · 13/03/2006 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 23:18

well put, celia! i couldn't agree more. my sister has a family tradition of making all gifts, and we've gotten so much more creative over the years. i got into scrapbooking and some other hobbies b/c of this.

we also have pet charities, too.

lockets · 13/03/2006 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UCM · 14/03/2006 03:10

Errrrrm butting in but couldn't the invites say I would love your child/ren to come but please no presents as XXXX has enough already, a bottle of wine for Me would be appreciated though'

UCM · 14/03/2006 03:20

and you could taste it on the day in question of course

When I was little and we went to friends birthdays we took something that our pocket money would buy. So another suggestion is that you only want presents under 1.00

It would save this exhausting thing about what to buy. I held a birthday party for Ds and I had 4 things that were doubled up.

nightowl · 14/03/2006 04:15

i wouldnt dream of asking for money on a party invite. if people want to buy gifts, or put a few pounds in the card then thats up to them, but i dont expect either. i dont care if they bring plastic crap, its the thought that counts. i dont care if they bring nothing. it doesnt matter surely so long as the kids turn up and they all have a good time? for my kids last birthdays we had two really great parties. ds's was organised and my friend helped me cook, the other mums mucked in too when they got there. dd's was more like a birthday tea (last minute, no party games or anything like that, i reckoned she was too young to know the difference). they all had a great time though, ran around my house and wrecked it Grin.

Steppy1 · 14/03/2006 06:12

....I'd put a toys r us voucher in the card so that he gets the chance to chooose what he wants......

suzywong · 14/03/2006 06:37

Actually I was going to ask for up to the value of $10 for ds1's party in April. I'm going to say it's towards something big. Can't bear the thought of more bits of plastic tat to pick up off the floor, not because my friends are tight or tasteless, it's just that 10 actuall dollars doesn't buy very much that's decent and I would not like to think anyone had spent any more on a gift.

Would that be very very wrong?

FairyMum · 14/03/2006 06:52

So tacky. I think both money and vouchers are tacky and lazy.Choosing and wrapping b-day presents are part of going to a b-day, as as are opening a gift especially chosen and wrapped for you part of having a b-day. I'd hate to have a child who wanted money to choose their own gift. I think it sounds demanding and materialistic.

suzywong · 14/03/2006 07:51

right, I'll be crossing you off ds's party list then

FrannyandZooey · 14/03/2006 07:51

I completely agree about the mounds of crap that get bought. It is obscene some of the time. We went to a joint party recently where about 60 people were invited and the sight of the literally, mounds of presents piled up on tables, made me cringe. I just felt it was such a terrible waste to see all these little £5 or £10 bits of plastic from ELC when if we had all clubbed together the children could have had something really extraordinary and memorable, like a luxury playhouse, or a trip to France, or whatever. I bet there was about £500 worth of plastic tat there. It is not right and I think if people are trying to avoid that situation then I can sympathise with them. I wish there was an alternative that avoids offending people.

suzywong · 14/03/2006 07:55

very well put F&Z

But what would the alternative be?
I personally would be delighted to pitch in $10 if the party parents said they wanted to buy a cubby house or trampoline or outdoor toy set or something that the kid's friends would be playing on a great deal too afterschool. Actually on reflection I think I may do just that, there's a lot of community spirit here and a love of outdoor activities. Answered my own question but what do others think?

FrannyandZooey · 14/03/2006 08:04

Yes me too Suzy, I would rather that than something the child will never play with again. I was wondering whether if a friend organised the present as a 'surprise', rather than the parents, whether it would be more acceptable, but I think the posts on this thread and similar ones recently show that most people find it very offensive. People don't like deviating from tradition IME even if it makes more sense to do so. Birthday boys and girls need to have 20 bits of landfill or it isn't a proper birthday Wink

suzywong · 14/03/2006 08:08

Indeed
This has made me think and I'm going to do it. I want to buy the boys a trampoline with a net all around the outside and with a contribution from all the family and 25 others we could do it. I may issue a "ticket" in the party invitation to be redeemed any time at our house if the child wants a bounce around on the ensuing trampoline.

You're right about the landfill.

FrannyandZooey · 14/03/2006 08:11

Suzy, I think I would put something like "no present required but if you would like to contribute to a trampoline then tophole".

I am bemused by the vulgar comment earlier in the thread. Vulgar things are such fun :)