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Original poster

DD1 has been invited to a party and the invitation says "No gifts please, only donations inside the card"...OUTRAGEOUS!!

222 replies

SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 18:56

I thought at first that it was a request for donations to a charity that the family support, but no, they are asking for MONEY for their DS so that he can choose his own presents!

I think this is outrageous - think I will buy him a small gift and enclose a donation (cheque) to a charity within and say "what alovely idea..."

What would you do??

OP posts:
Flip · 13/03/2006 19:51

I'm with you QE2 and this is the first year I've done it. No one has stopped talking to me at school and the feedback I've had from mums has been positive.

compo · 13/03/2006 19:51

I think it's rude, not matter how it's worded

starlover · 13/03/2006 19:52

flip i think it's ok to prefer money instead of presents... but i think the way they have gone about it is awful.

they are basically demanding money. people will feel awful if they don't give something especially as they know the parents will know how much they have given

far far better to say that they have enough toys, but that X is saving up for such and such and that if people would LIKE to give him some money then there would be an anonymous pot to put it in

lockets · 13/03/2006 19:52

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QE2 · 13/03/2006 19:53

starlover - that would be quite a good way of doing it to save embarrassment all round.

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:55

Agree, it does matter how it's worded. I did spend quite a while thinking about how to word it and as I've said everyone I've spoke to has been positive.

Tipex · 13/03/2006 19:55

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DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2006 19:56

Errr no time to read whole thread so don't know if this same thought has been said, but my sons were recently invited to 2 parties (held by brothers) where the invite said words to the effect of "Please don't buy a present but X is saving up for a new football shirt/something else equally worthy and if you would like to give £2 towards that, that would be lovely".

I thought £2 was getting away with it lightly and was delighted to not have to think of something for a boy I did not know. Since then, ds2 has been given £5 instead of a present and I have given £5 to another child instead of a present. In my defence, the boy I was giving to was 10 and I really do think it is very hard to buy something for a 10 year old unless you knw them.

Did I do wrong? I have to say, ds2 was thrilled with his fiver present.

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:58

It's each to their own dumbledoresgirl but be prepared to be slated!

QE2 · 13/03/2006 19:59

DG - it is far easier if you know the mums concerned as you can have a quiet word in their ear. More difficult when you don't know them and this is where carefully worded invites come in.

Nothing wrong with asking/giving money if it's done right imo.

Hausfrau · 13/03/2006 20:01

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Flip · 13/03/2006 20:03
Grin
Tipex · 13/03/2006 20:05

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DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2006 20:11

Oh me too Tipex. In that case, I would give a present I think, whether wanted or not.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 13/03/2006 20:11

I would just say "no presents" as ds is getting presents from his family anyway.

I did take a small present to a "no present" party - but it was a book that ds had chosen from his outgrown books to give to the 1 year old. I explained this to his mum and she thought that was lovely. She also said that by saying no presents she had ended up with some lovely books and thoughtful presents, rather than having heaps of plastic crap.

The kid could always Ebay the unwanted presents and spend the money made.

Flip · 13/03/2006 20:12

Like the ebay idea.

Milliways · 13/03/2006 20:12

a fiver in a card is the norm when they get older. IF you get your child to ask birthday card what they would like, a 10yr old will often say "money please".

But calling it a "donation" is a bit much!

spidermama · 13/03/2006 20:13

OMG now I've heard it all.

Are you sure it's not for a charity?

Jesus H Christ!

spidermama · 13/03/2006 20:14

Why not send a reply saying, 'No party bag or cake for us but a donation'. Grin

roisin · 13/03/2006 20:15

Hmm... I'm not sure about this. Do you think there are class issues here?

My gut reaction is "yes, it's very rude". But why is it so vulgar? It's vulgar because it's talking about money, saying we don't want money to be wasted (on presents he doesn't want). We live in a very deprived area, and I wonder how some families manage to afford the extravagant parties they do. Quite a few folk regularly put £5 in a card in lieu of a present, and I try and make a mental note and reciprocate for their child's birthday.

Asking for money is rude in our culture. But it's only a culture/politeness thing isn't it? There's nothing fundamentally wrong about it, in essence it's just being honest, isn't it?

JoolsToo · 13/03/2006 20:16

Nobody has mentioned the fact that it's just ASSUMED there will be a gift at all!

A party, really should be about having friends round for tea with lots of scrummy things to eat, having fun and playing games and going home with a piece of cake, happy.

it weren't like this in my day Grin

Flip · 13/03/2006 20:17

Is it a class thing? Is it the North/South divide that people harp on about.

I'm Northern and proud of it!

helsi · 13/03/2006 20:18

it is rather cheeky, however, I know someone who also pockets the cash that their child is sent by anyone in a card for Xmas or birthdays!!

DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2006 20:18

Milliways, thanks for your comment. That makes me feel better about putting a fiver into the card of the 10 year old.

littlemissbossy · 13/03/2006 20:19

Shock what the hell does this teach their child??

like your idea about a donation for charity - you could even buy them an oxfam gift - plant a tree, etc have a look at \link{http:/www.oxfamunwrapped.com\their site} you don't have to order online you can buy any of these in your local oxfam shop