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Original poster

DD1 has been invited to a party and the invitation says "No gifts please, only donations inside the card"...OUTRAGEOUS!!

222 replies

SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 18:56

I thought at first that it was a request for donations to a charity that the family support, but no, they are asking for MONEY for their DS so that he can choose his own presents!

I think this is outrageous - think I will buy him a small gift and enclose a donation (cheque) to a charity within and say "what alovely idea..."

What would you do??

OP posts:
starlover · 13/03/2006 19:23

i think the problem is the fact that they want donations in the card... that means they know exactly how much money people have spent.

I think it would be far nicer if they just said that they would have a box at the party and people could put money in if they want to, or vouchers for a specific shop.

lockets · 13/03/2006 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cod · 13/03/2006 19:25

i ahte theat
giev em a smaller toy then

ghosty · 13/03/2006 19:25

Sellotape a fifty pence piece in the card ... well, it is a 'donation' isn't it?

I think it is terrible ... I would be very offended if this happened. I tend to ring up mums and ask what thier kids want/are into and buy accordingly and lots of mums do this for my DS ... much nice way of getting what you want.

harpsichordcarrier · 13/03/2006 19:26

vulgar, that's what it is

fisil · 13/03/2006 19:27

I'm as shocked as the rest of you.

But then I feel a little bit of guilt. We had a baby warming party for ds2 (a blessing in church followed by a party in the church hall). As ds1 and ds2 are pretty close in age and ds2 was only 6 weeks old when we had the party we knew we had everything we needed for the baby. So we agonised long and hard over what to write on the invite. In the end we wrote "Ds2 would certainly not say no to any gifts or John Lewis vouchers you would like to give him, but Mummy and Daddy would be just as happy if you brought a salad or a pud for the party instead!" The feedback we had was that people liked the clarity.

But I still can't get over asking for this for an 8 year old! Am I being hypocritical?

bubblerock · 13/03/2006 19:27

I think they should be grateful for what they're given, it's just a bit of fun isn't it, little token gifts as a gesture, money just changes the whole idea of it - crikey, they'll bring out birthday gift lists soon Shock

Cappucino · 13/03/2006 19:29

I can understand that they don't want a load of crap but that is just unbelievably rude! It's up to a parent to be able to decide how much they want to spend and not have it laid out on the table for scrutiny. I block-buy all dd's party presents whenever Accessorise have a sale because it costs so much otherwise. Birthday presents are just supposed to be a token anyway.

When my mate's dd was christened she sent a note round saying that she was saving up for a dolls house and would appreciate donations - it was really nicely and tactfully done and it was only for friends and family anyway. And a christening is a special occasion.

I wouldn't give them any bl**dy money. I'd do like the pp said, and 'donate' as requested, to some charity or other.

cori · 13/03/2006 19:33

DS birthday is so close to Christmas, I would love to have the guts to do this next year. Our flat is overrun with plastic crap for 2months of the year. What are you meant to do with it all,. it doesnt often get played with. I would like to be able to put the cash towards a bigger gift in the middle of the year.

Original poster
SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 19:33

What I resent is them knowing exactly how much everyone has given anyway.

OP posts:
Caligula · 13/03/2006 19:35

Very very vulgar. I can see their logic, I also hate the piles of plastic crap that come with birthday parties, but that's life, surely?

jollymum · 13/03/2006 19:35

I sometimes put a fiver in a card, when I haven't got a pressie 'cos I'm busy. I actually don't like money in cards generally, think t's lazyBlush. BUT they could have said, as others have ssaid, in a tactful way that a small donation would be lovely and that XXX would be putting some of his birthday money to charity.Likewise, I think thankyou letters are a must, doesn't matter if they're done on the computer or what. We throw our straight in the bin, but it's the thought that counts IMHOGrin

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:35

Wasn't my kids birthday way it? His party's this weekend and the invites I sent out was worded as follows, keep in mind it's a pirate party. Your captain ds1 has requested a gift of gold pieces instead of material treasures as he wants to buy some new cannons (money to put towards a new bike) . All the mums I've spoke to have said it's so much easier as they hate buying crappy presents. Another mum did the same only this weekend gone and it was easy for me to just put a fiver in a card. I won't apologise for it. I don't want thirty £5 presents that will get trashed in no time. At his last party I ended up recycling most of them for other birthdays.

Original poster
SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 19:35

Cori - it was the method of asking - "no gifts please, only donations inside the card." I think if it had been phrased more nicely - eg saving for something special, lots of new stuff at Christmas, and an anonymous tin for people to stuff money in, that would have been a more pleasant way of doing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SourOldBat · 13/03/2006 19:37

It's not unusual to spend 20 pounds plus for birthday presents at this school. Work that out for a class of 25 children - and people will probably feel obliged to put more in with the card than they would have spent on a present anyway.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 19:37

that's so beyond crass it's astonishing. soliciting for money - not for charity. I mean, the funeral thing I can sort of understand. When my grandpapa died, I think they wrote something like, 'In lieu of flowers, donations to American Heart Association kindly appreciated' (he died of a heart attack).

But man, for a kid's birthday party? Or a wedding, for that matter.

That's just beyond guache. Tackola. No, I would have to 'misunderstand' the invite and give a donation to a children's charity.

SenoraPostrophe · 13/03/2006 19:39

unbelieveable. I don't like the idea anyway, but it's particularly crass to call it a "donation". buy some ELC money and put that in the card.

SenoraPostrophe · 13/03/2006 19:40

do you mean that expat? I think this is way more rude than a wedding request.

Posey · 13/03/2006 19:42

Am astounded! I too thought it meant a donation to charity.
My friend's dd is having a joint party with a school friend. My friend got together with the other mum to organise invites etc and the other mum said, "oh xxx doesn't have presents, she asks for donations to charity. Is that what your dd will be doing?" No way said friend, she's going to be 5 and deserves loads of presents!!!

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:43

I think it's perfectly acceptable. A lot of working parents don't have time to shop and when you've got babies as well you don't want bitty toys that could be swallowed.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 19:43

Yes, I do. Demanding money from people as a 'gift' is always rude, IMO, wedding or party, whatever. Disgusting.

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:46

It's hardly a demand. I had one mum approach me and say her little girl couldn't come to ds1's party. I asked why not and she simply said she couldn't afford it as there were four birthday partys that month. I told her that it didn't matter to ds1 and that her little girls presense was all he'd want. He wouldn't know what people got him. The other three mums said the same. If you're upfront with people then there's less embarassment.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2006 19:49

Asking for money instead of a present? That's like saying, 'Oh, we don't want your present, just your money.'

Rude, rude, rude.

Working parents don't have time and all that crap.

Load of tosh! I work two jobs and wouldn't dream of putting such wording in a party invite for my child.

QE2 · 13/03/2006 19:50

Crudely put methinks, but I really applaud this mum for having the guts to say what I have been wanting to for years.

She could have worded it better but I'm with her, deep down.

Flip · 13/03/2006 19:50

It's each to their own isn't it. I agonise over what to buy for party's. Yeah money in a card might be lazy but it's so much easier.