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Original poster

I have smacked my child and can't see how I could avoid it... tell me how awful I am

199 replies

Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 20:55

This is sort of a confession of a post, because some people (not many!) might still think I'm a 'goodmum'... but I just felt like I had to say that I've smacked my 23 month old on more than one ocassion, and I probably will again...

I can't seem to help it, it seems like a completely natural reaction and it happens before I even think - I smacked him yesterday on the back of his head, not hard, but a smack, as he sunk his teeth into my arm and drew blood... I've also smacked him forcefully 'off' his baby sister as her scratched at her eyes (he cut her eyeball, I know that's no excuse but still)... I'd like to say I always use the naughty chair, and in 95% of incidents I do, but the times when I don't it happens before my brain even engages.... I don't know how I'm meant to not do it!

Am I a terrible parent who needs anger management? I'm a calmish person...

OP posts:
codnotmud · 28/01/2006 20:57

i find 2 year olds relaly nanoyinf and have slapped all of them at that age
dont a sthey get older though

Lonelymum · 28/01/2006 20:57

Please don't smack him on the back of his head. I am not one of the non-smacking brigade, but even I winced at the thought of smacking on the head.

I think if you are conscious of when you smack your child and feel bad about it, you will probably manage to cut down the times you lose control.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 20:57

Thanks cod, he is annoying! I'm quite glad someone else dared to admit it

OP posts:
codnotmud · 28/01/2006 20:58

a nd biting is a real toughie
agree re head

start trying to make him say sorry and carry onw ith noaughty step
let him see you hurt - pretend tp cry if needs be

codnotmud · 28/01/2006 20:58

yes try not to get into a havbit of smacking
but sometimes ( cod late fore chool ds3 not puitting shoes on etc) smacking has happened.

i now find a small sweet does hte business

pucca · 28/01/2006 21:00

I smack my dd, not very often and not very hard, only on the back of the hand (a tap) or the bum (nappy protection). I know in the spare of the moment it is a reaction, i feel terribly guilty after i have smacked dd so i can understand how you feel.

Pruni · 28/01/2006 21:00

Message withdrawn

codnotmud · 28/01/2006 21:01

yes nit let ehtme see it hurts you adn majke them kiss it bettter

pucca · 28/01/2006 21:02

I just have to add that what does work especially if my dd is having a tantrum is distraction! works a treat..i.e oh look at that doggy! that kind of thing, obviously not for a biting incident though, i have no experience of that...YET!

codnotmud · 28/01/2006 21:02

agree

harpsichordenvy · 28/01/2006 21:05

re the biting
I find yelling really loudly can cause the appropriate level of shock and awe
I mean full scale primal scream
dd1 burst into tears

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/01/2006 21:05

My DD is doing the same to my DS FA and i have smacked her sometimes for it too. (She also cut DS's eye and force fed him playdough when he was just a few weeks old).

Its not a form of discipline i like, and am trying to use less and less but sometimes i feel its the most appropriate.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 21:05

It was a defence thing, my brain just seemed to go 'BITING BITING GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!' before rational thought ever came into it... I've done it once before and it does really upset me and I wouldn't if I could stop myself

(sorry if that's really behind in the thread now DH came in... was in reply to LM!)

OP posts:
codnotmud · 28/01/2006 21:06

'BITING BITING GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!'

how refreshingl;y honest

i tpaped ds3 wiht a broom today ( reall y only a ta)_ as he was stalkign it and tipping the crumbs ont eh floor
he laughed... am crap mum

harpsichordenvy · 28/01/2006 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 21:09

I'll try the primal scream, that does seem to happen when he bites as well as the thwack! It's only happened twice, third time lucky maybe I'll see it coming and not just instantly lash out... DS force fed DD a pastry cutter and then started clawing at her eyes, I grabbed him by the arm and and smacked his bottom and then put him on the naughty chair.... DH has been known to smack his bottom for forcing our TV off the stand...

I'll try letting him see me cry and the sorry, atm we just make him say sorry to his sister, I just realised I should change that so he does it for us too!

OP posts:
codnotmud · 28/01/2006 21:10

hmm think dh need to lay off

FrannyandZooey · 28/01/2006 21:11

Blimey I am not sure if terrifying your child in any way, screaming included, is really to be advised. However have never been bitten yet so will reserve judgement I suppose.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 21:11

I'm trying very hard to be an honest person, I think those are the best types of people! But...it's bloody difficult!

I agree it's not a form of discipline when he bites and I lash out!

OP posts:
Mud · 28/01/2006 21:12

helo normal mum. dont let it bother y ou

Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 21:13

I think that was the second time ever that DH has smacked him, he'd been an arsey little well t**t! all day and he'd driven him beyond the edge of reason!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fastasleep · 28/01/2006 21:15

I nearly typed 'I'm glad you guys didn't just want to rush out and call the RSPCA'

The RSPCA?! PMSL! I meant NSPCC of course... (can you tell what I think of my son!)

OP posts:
harpsichordenvy · 28/01/2006 21:18

well franny if you do get bitten remember the very loud screaming it is very useful
these are things that you don't want them to do again, ever

salsa · 28/01/2006 21:28

I was smacked as a child and hated it and I remember it well. I said I would never smack mine but I have. I dont now as it doesn't accomplish anything. I have never usedthe naughty step as we don't have one. If I was to send them to their rooms they would just play. I didnt like to put them on a naughty chair when they were young incase they fell off.
I have called the naughty childrens home on several occasions which stops dss naughty behaviour but dd just laughs and says that noone is coming to get her and she would much prefer to just sleep in her princess bed than there.

DD this week has so far cut the sleeve off a new top of hers, covered the entire tv svreen in pritt stick, filled the lounge floor and my plants with washing powder, coloured the lounge floor in purple pen, put her entire foot in her cup of milk in the morning allowing it to spill out everywhere. The list is endless.She is 3 by the way. I am going into a bit of a rant here and totally off the original subject but basically smacking didn't work nor did anything else. ANY IDEAS?

WestCountryLass · 28/01/2006 21:33

Well I am of the no smacking brigade but just because I discipline my kids my way does not mean I condemn you for disciplining your kids as you see fit.

That said, just a suggestion, deffo scream out (it is a reaction after all) if you are bitten but instead of smacking him, perhaps you could try showing him that teeth are sharp and they hurt. Get his hand and gently but firmly push his hand into his teeth whislt sternly saying "do not bite, teeth are sharp and biting hurts" or words to that effect.

HTH and don't feel guilty for being human!!!!

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