I have smacked my child and can't see how I could avoid it... tell me how awful I am

[Fastasleep]

This is sort of a confession of a post, because some people (not many!) might still think I'm a 'goodmum'... but I just felt like I had to say that I've smacked my 23 month old on more than one ocassion, and I probably will again...

I can't seem to help it, it seems like a completely natural reaction and it happens before I even think - I smacked him yesterday on the back of his head, not hard, but a smack, as he sunk his teeth into my arm and drew blood... I've also smacked him forcefully 'off' his baby sister as her scratched at her eyes (he cut her eyeball, I know that's no excuse but still)... I'd like to say I always use the naughty chair, and in 95% of incidents I do, but the times when I don't it happens before my brain even engages.... I don't know how I'm meant to not do it!

Am I a terrible parent who needs anger management? I'm a calmish person...

fas, don't be ridiculous, we would never traumatise them by using the word naughty

How would you remove him? Eh Eh, how?! You've got to shock the bloody life out of him for him to open those jaws of death or lose a chunk of your arm!!

Fastasleep I think your reaction was quite natural.If you read further down you will see that my dd is quite a handful. She also used to bite, not me but my ds. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an acceptable thing to do and she could see that she had really hurt her brother but nothing stopped her, UNTIL I smacked her backside and then she never did it again.

I think you're very brave to post your original post and have recognised that you have a problem. I would have a back up plan in my mind if I knew I was likely to smack hard if something happened and know what it was thoroughly before hand so hopefully I would do that. It would probably to sit the child down and move myself away quickly so I had a chance to think.

And yes, I've been bitten!

Just read your last post. It's done with now and you cant go back. However I would work on having a back up for future occasions.

Morningpaper, I suspect the fact that my dd is only 2.4 gives me a slightly different take on things. Toddlers take toys from each other all the time. Dd sins, dd is sinned against. In the rough and tumble of her world, why is it bad manners to offer another toy to her little friend who is trying to snatch one off her? I already said that if the other friend does not want doggie, then dd will just have to lump it and take turns. If I were the mummy of the child who wanted the horsey, I would totally understand if child with the horsey did not want to share at that very point.

In fact, I feel most embarassed if the other parent started scolding her toddler who did not want to share - seen that happen many times. Probably would feel differently if the children involved were older and had more maturity. Sharing is a tricky thing - it will come in time . My style is just to use a gentler touch whilst in the making.

PMSL!

'have a problem', yes, the problem's called Theo and he's 23 months... oh dear me. I didn't intentionally smack him when he bit me!

hides head, gives up

you could have cod's broom as your backup

I do like your posts and your strategies, blueshoes

buys herself a broom you all think I'm an evil witch anyway now I'm off for a bath, carry on, bitch about me behind my back if you like.. you know, whatever, you 'goodmums' you.

But fastasleep I took what I said from your first post. You said you do it and you dont even know what happens and it happens before your brain engages. You also said you would do it again. You asked if you needed anger management. Sorry you dont like my reply.

Nor did I say you werent a good mum. I thought you wanted advice on how to stop it happening again.

i growl. use to work when they were small. not anymore though. but can still give a glare when called for. used to smack when younger, but doesnt work after about 4yrs. i can be very scary when necessary.

I was feeling worse about it just after it happened, given time to reflect I realise that I'm actually really nice to Theo, I don't yell at him or scold him if he doesn't share - I understand he doesn't realise what that is, but I gently persuade him to do what's right... I only ever scold him if he's a) climbing the curtains b)destroying household objects c) attacking someone or an animal.... that's pretty much it, I think TBH I do well enough for Theo and I do well enough for me, and that's how we're going to carry on. If he bites me I can't help lashing out to get him off, it's just instinctual.

Bath-time anyway!

hercules there are 'goodmums' 'badmums' and 'guiltymums' and 'thosewhothinktheyareholierthanthoubutaren'tmums' but that's another story

I really am going for my bath, crumbs I'm only on here looking for embroidery thread and applique bits and bobs on Ebay!

fastasleep - the thing is you came on here asking for honest opinions and that's what people have given you

yelled from the bath

And I thank you for your honest opinions, I have seen the light!

Maybe I'll start a new category 'OKmums'

Wires crossed?

To be honest I don't give a stuff whether someone taps their child for biting or yells or shouts at them, as long as they don't do it to ds1- and not because he is precious above all others, just because he'll be doing it forever (to me) in the hope of eliciting another oh so hilarious yell, shout, scream or smack. Shouter, smacker, yeller will be off having a nice cup of tea/glass of wine, and I'll be cleaning my open wounds, and peeling my son off me, finding it harder and harder to look bored/deflect into a social greeting.

I thought this was rather reserved for a smacking thread.

getbakainjimjams

(sorry I just haven't got the words to say what I mean - just wanted to acknowledge your post)

i havent read all of this thread but my MIL said yesturday it is going to become illegal to smack your own child. how can anyone know? what do u think of this?

I think it is such a fine line millie tbh

I kmow that the law does state that it's illegal to leave a mark. I found this and found it very interesting.

Someone I kind of know smacked her dd round the face before school. The girl (8yrs) went into school crying telling them that her mum had slapped her face and she had left a mark. Following day Social services were waiting to question her as she had left a mark.

fastaleep, you sound like more than an ok mum to Theo. From your recent post, really lovely actually. I have never been savaged by a 23 month old, but I can understand the instinctive lashing out self-preservation reflex. The fact that you started this post shows that you know your reaction is out of your character. Hey, we are learning everyday.

bakajimjams, I do admire your infinite patience in getting to the bottom of ds (pun no!) and educating the world at large. Your ds' are really fortunate to have a mummy who takes the time and effort to adapt her parenting to their individual temperaments and needs.

Franny, gee thanks ! I am also picking up a lot of tips from mn as I go.

"How Hard Can I Smack My Child?"

god what a horrible question.

HC - I didn't even think about that. Yes it is awful I have to say