I have smacked my child and can't see how I could avoid it... tell me how awful I am

[Fastasleep]

This is sort of a confession of a post, because some people (not many!) might still think I'm a 'goodmum'... but I just felt like I had to say that I've smacked my 23 month old on more than one ocassion, and I probably will again...

I can't seem to help it, it seems like a completely natural reaction and it happens before I even think - I smacked him yesterday on the back of his head, not hard, but a smack, as he sunk his teeth into my arm and drew blood... I've also smacked him forcefully 'off' his baby sister as her scratched at her eyes (he cut her eyeball, I know that's no excuse but still)... I'd like to say I always use the naughty chair, and in 95% of incidents I do, but the times when I don't it happens before my brain even engages.... I don't know how I'm meant to not do it!

Am I a terrible parent who needs anger management? I'm a calmish person...

I hold mine to the naughty chair, you could try that!

Salsa, I would be on her case, keeping her close to me for a while and stopping any unwanted behaviour in its tracks. 3 year olds can't be trusted to be sensible while left alone - they get bored and try things out. The more positive attention you can give her the better (not always easy I know). But punishment, whatever sort you give, just reinforces the behaviour to a certain extent as any sort of attention from you is good from the child's point of view. Lots of playing with her, and praising her for her good behaviour could help where punishment has failed.

I have a cabin lock on her bedroom door and have shut her in there when v. naughty

I don't like smacking, I repeat to myself:

IF I SMACK HER, SHE HAS WON
IF I SMACK HER, SHE HAS WON
IF I SMACK HER, SHE HAS WON

I find this helps to restrain myself

have you really never been bitten franny? even when you were a nanny?
it's not about terrifying the child
it's about controlling yur own reaction to pain
which isn;t easy

Salsa you have just dismissed loads of methods of discipline and then realed off a list of unacceptable things a 3 yo has done. If you're against smacking and time-out then you basically only leave withdrawal of priveleges (eg no TV, remove a toy etc). It sounds to me like you need to introduce something fairly quickly.

If I send my DS to his room he knows that he has to go and sit on his bed until I tell him otherwise (he is 4.11) otherwise he sits on the step. DD (20 months) has started sitting on the step for misdemeanours. Today it was for hitting DS after being warned, yesterday it was for chalking on the wall.

I have never been bitten

not to the drawing blood part which I don't actually believe

I mean that would have to be really really deep

Yes the thing about being bitten is they have your skin/flesh clamped between your teeth and you are trying to come up with a way of getting them to let go.

She gets lots of attention but the minute you leave the room to go to the toilet or take a shower or put the washing away, you can guarantee she will do something. Scissors, glue etc was all put on a shelf in the kitchen. She got a chair and climbed onto the work surface to get them. I don't want to keep punishing and shouting and spending all my time telling her off. When she is good she is a very loving and bright little girl but when she is naughty she is very naughty. She is not malicious just a little mischivous (SP). I am not stressed by her behaviour as I have been told that I was exactly the same at her age. She is just a tough cookie and nothing fases her.

Oh yes never got past just teeth marks and generally that has been when I have been poking around in their mouths looking for emerging molars. Bright, moi?

I am very anti smacking but if someone of whatever age had my bloody skin clamped between their teeth in manner of rabid dog I would aim firm slap at the first part of their body I could reach

i have only been bitten experimentally
although a child once headbutted me [not mine]
that did make me holler

oohg od yes all of mine bit

I've never been bitten

Good lord she'd get the bollocking of her life if she dared do anything like that

I'm scary strict victorian mummy

No, HC, children are generally very good for nannies. They save all the sh*t for when their parents come home

So excuse me if I'm being dim, but you are saying that if you didn't howl with pain and rage, you would do something else which you might regret? That makes sense. The 'screaming on purpose to terrify a child' idea didn't really seem to fit in the HC parenting stable.

what, bloody biting?

I think mine bit a couple of times but only to the dent stage

I don't think anyone can help an instinctive reaction when someone hurts you unexpectedly and suddenly. Cuffing ds not brilliant but unavoidable. The thing to do is try to have a plan to stop it happening again.

Btw, the shouting thing does not work for dh. Ds likes to play rough with daddy - daddy encourages him, tbh. But sometimes ds goes too far, deliberately trying to hurt dh. And sometimes ds is just being a toddler and unable to predict the results of his actions. When dh gets hurt he does yell, but that doesn't shock ds - possibly because it has happened many times. Don't have an answer to that one yet.

MP
sorry but being stict makes eff all differnce

so dont say ia ma crap mum

only I can say that

now bcak to americas next top model////

I have seen first 2 eps

good of course

prsion break also good

yes i allowed myself to howl
didn't hold back, but expressed my pain v loudly
i don't raise my voice much so she was shocked
it was experimental as i say, i.e. she wanted to see what would happen
she didn't do it again

neither of my children seem to want to hurt me

in fact they would be upset if they did

[no franny it wasn't instead of smacking. I can honestly say I have never been tempted to smack dd1.]

Like the rabid dog post, Enid