thinking of trying for a girl and want to hear your experiences

[happyforthemostpart]

Okay - so i know it's not PC to want a particular sex BUT I have always envisaged having a daughter. My son is 17months old and when he was born i have to be honest i was disappointed. I can't believe i could say that now and i love him more than anything else in the world and would not swap him at all!!

BUT - we have started trying for a brother or sister for him and I am wondering whether the 'girl' theories are worth giving a go.

I have done a lot of reading up and my thoughts are:
Timing method Timing method - seems to make sense but I am worried about missing out on pregnancy completely and don't really want to be TRYING for too long!
Diet method - I think a balanced diet is necessary when trying for any baby. Though i have been drinking oj and eating yoghurt.... not sure this will tip the balance though!!
Sperm count - again i know lowering it is supposed to work for a girl but i am concerned lowering it too much will just result in no pregnancy at all!!

My orginal plan was just sex every other day and see what happens - the normal sensible way to conceive... But wondering if any ladies out there have had luck? Or think it's all rubbish?

Also - I haven't been charting cycles for long as just came off the pill - first cycle was 31 days and then 34 days so i think ovulation is around day 20/21 as was monitoring mucus too.....

Anyway - I just wondered if anyone felt comfortable sharing their stories? I don't want to talk about it with any of my friends or family!

Thanks!

The OP put this thread in Conception. Where people are struggling to have a baby. Of either gender. MN moved it.

And 'a bihfest for angry birds'?' Really? And you want a daughter?

Ladies -
The comment about empathy was misunderstood - I meant if people didn't have empathy for having a particular gender they wouldn't understand.... which it seems they don't - and that is fine. We can all have our own views.

I would NEVER have meant to offend or upset anyone with the post - just looking for some experiences of other women in this area. i know there are specific sites for it but i am not someone who is obsessed with having a girl, i am just interested in this idea of timing.....

As i said in the OP we are trying for a brother or a sister - whichever gender child we hope to be lucky enough to have we will love immeasurably - but when you've had a dream since childhood of having a family containing a daughter (as some women have with having 2, 3 or more kids) it is something you work your head around and knowing there are people who have 'tipped the balance' i was interested in any ladies experiences, be it that it 'worked' or that they think the theory is rubbish.

All the people who say "be happy and grateful for what you have" are completely right and every day i look at my little boy and realise how lucky I am. It's not that i don't appreciate him at all, he is without doubt the best thing in my life and being his mum is amazing! I would be delighted to be lucky enough with 2 kids but i would absolutely love a little girl (for many personal reasons) SO - i wanted to hear from people with experience in this area.... that's all.

I don't think it's fair to be angry or abusive - there are many people who have said in really positive and articulate ways "be grateful for what you have" and i see that as a constructive view so thanks.

If the thread offends you then don't read it.....

And thanks for those who took the time to defend me while i was out for the day in the park with my son!! Much appreciated :)

But back to the main point of the post - Thanks to those ladies who gave some thoughts around the idea of timing - it does seem like there is something in it!!

I have 2 boys and I love them so much. If we had a third I really don't think I would have a preference, would like a girl for the different experience but would love another boy as I love the ones I have so much.
My friend has 2 boys and tried every single method to get a girl (for the 3rd baby)-timing, position ,diet but she had a scan and it is a boy! She is still happy but I think she regrets telling everyone she was trying for a girl.

Ok, had to come back.

Op, you were being oversensitive. This is a public forum, you can't pick and choose the answers you get, noone was nasty to you ffs, you just didn't get the sympathy you wanted or expected. You can't sulk because of that ffs. And the big difference between the parent dying (sorry, btw) and the fertility thing is that people don't comment on whether having two parents is better. Whether only parents are spoilt. How easy it is to have another parent if you eat properly/relax/go on holiday/just do it properly.

So, sorry if other people took offence to the tone of the posts (as others have said, there are other threads on this subject that haven't included a bit of a slating for the op) but it was the tone and the wording that was an issue.

Happy, once again, good luck.

Ok, had to come back.

Op, you were being oversensitive. This is a public forum, you can't pick and choose the answers you get, noone was nasty to you ffs, you just didn't get the sympathy you wanted or expected. You can't sulk because of that ffs. And the big difference between the parent dying (sorry, btw) and the fertility thing is that people don't comment on whether having two parents is better. Whether only parents are spoilt. How easy it is to have another parent if you eat properly/relax/go on holiday/just do it properly.

So, sorry if other people took offence to the tone of the posts (as others have said, there are other threads on this subject that haven't included a bit of a slating for the op) but it was the tone and the wording that was an issue.

Happy, once again, good luck.

I have never understood why anyone gets so pissed off by this.
I had 3 boys and damn right i wanted a girl,but waited 12 years to "try" cos i knew id be so pleased with the "baby" it wouldnt bother me if it was a boy.
My boys are now grown up,one is in the army the other 2 are working and in lurve and i speak to them about once a week and they visit when they can --be bothered.
My dd is a delight for me,i was on my own from when she was 5months until she was 5,i love going shopping with her and sharing girly things and buying pretty dresses and doing her hair. I would have done nice things with a boy too (ds3 is a ballet dancer) but it is nice to have a different experience.
I think if someone takes risks or rejects the wrong sex it is a very contentious issue but the mere desire for the opposite sex that you already have and using some methods to try and ensure it is harmless.You are not in any way ungratefull for the child you have,or blind to the fact that some people cannot have any children.If that was the case it would be the same for having more than one child.
Why do you want another one? Dont you like and appreciate the one you have? Etc etc.
Do your best op but be prepared for it not to work,babies are all diferent anyway and each one is brilliant in their own way.

Ledkr, I sort of agree. I understand the "wanting a particular sex" thing. Even now, when I wouldf gladly take any baby in a heartbeat, I think "a girl would be nice". I would be pissed off if I read that someone was disappointed at having a different sex. that would get my rant juices flowing. But this is part of the reason I've asked for an infertility section, so people who are likely to have their clood pressure raised by threads like this can hide the conception topic.

yes a good idea,it is hard to hear stuff.I have been very very lucky but it did take me 3 yrs to concieve dd1-cos of chemo and a mc,and then i was 40 when i met dh and dd at 44 was very welcome and unexpected so i can only guess at ehat it must be like.
When i had my 3rd boy the bond was so strong and i am closer to him than all of them actually,i think it was because of the people who asked me if i was disappointed

Hi Ledkr - thanks for the post. How lovely to have 3 great boys and then a little girl! :) congrats....

I am completely with you that we would love a second baby regardless and if we can tip the balance then that would be a lovely bonus. but there are lots of benefits to the same sex so either way as long as baby is healthy it's a winner! Do you mind me asking you how you conceived your daughter? Haha, obviously by having sex! But did you try the timing method for a girl?

Great to hear from you Ledkr - thanks

Nothing at all,but both times had given up trying (have another girls now 7months) so was not dtd at the right time iyswim.
My advice would be to wait untill the time when you would be delighted and fullfilled with either sex and then try.I know a few people who have tried diet etc but it didnt work,the only thing to do is pay the money and do the gender selection thing i guess.
I had the 3 boys for 18 yrs before my dd tho and they were all so individual and brought so much to my life,one is very funny and intelligent the 2nd is gentle and kind sand the third was very talented.Although i am delighted with my dd's they are still individuals who wake up at night and are cheeky and cost money,its only the pink clothes that are any different,haha

ledkr - isn't gender selection illegal save for medical reasons (such as, I thought, haemophilia)? Or have I misunderstood?

I haven't read all the thread, so you might already have this info.

Maybe I don't understand as I have a gender mix in our 3 DC's but surely we should all love the children we are lucky enough to receive.

An USA parenting site I use to read had a few mums obsessively seeking girls and they use to talk about the In Gender Forum. You would find like minded parents-to-be to chat to there and it would be much more suited place for this kind of discussion.

HTH

I was in the position of being unable to be pregnant at all and do find anyone asking how to specifically have a girl and talking about "empathy" and having "a dream" a bit teeth grittingly insensitive even whilst I do understand the desire for one sex over another. I myself also wanted a girl before I had my foolish dreams knocked out me rather harshly so I am quite good on both the empathy and the dreams front.

But putting that aside (with gritted teeth...). Practically:

1- no method of conception that doesn't involve a test tube has any significant impact on determining sex. We must all know this as it would be plastered around the internet and the media if any method works. But it isn;t because they don't.

2 - For interest, to those of you who don't think there is a female gender bias in the western world, about 85% of adoptions start off by requesting a girl and the waiting lists for girls are significantly longer than boys. In fact boys tend to "age out" of adoption much earlier than girls (ie become unadoptable much younger) and if they are not white, even earlier again.

3 - If you are set on having a girl to fulfill your dreams then you should consider adoption. It is the only 100% guaranteed method of parenting a girl. Though you will be questioned on what dream a girl is going to fulfill and whether it is appropriate for a child to be placed in those circumstances (depending on why you want a girl in the first place as obviously it may create pressure on a child to confirm to a particular behaviour which you deem to be suitably girl-like).

Loveinacoldclimate, gender selection is illegal in the UK other than for significant medical issues. However, if you can afford it, it is legal in the US.

Although I empathise with the OP, I do think the preference thing is alien to me. Of course, it's easy for me to say that having 2 DDs but whilst I love having daughters, I think it's because they are my daughters in that I didn't long for them before they arrived. When I was pregnant with DS I didn't long for a DD and was more than happy when he arrived. Nor did I long for a DD second time around and would have been just as happy with another DS.

It is true that they are all so different and DD1 would run a mile if I tried to make her wear a dress or pretty clothes. She is 6yrs and whilst lots of other girls her age love going shopping with their mum, it is probably her idea of hell right now. She is much happier climbing trees and playing in the mud.

Good luck OP and I hope you conceive a healthy baby soon.

Hi Happy. There is some research I read a while ago about choosing sex of your baby although not guaranteed. However if you have sex on day of ovulation you are more likely to have a boy as boy sperm (X I think) swim faster but die quicker. For girls best to have sex a few days before ovulation as they swim slower and live longer. Ignore some of the negative comments on this post! Just because some people cannot conceive or have difficultly in conceiving (I was one of them) that does not mean you cannot want what you would like. We are all individuals and have different needs, wants and desires. Good luck. I have both a boy and a girl and love them dearly. I have been ttc for a third for 18 months now (but I guess I shouldnt say that otherwise I will be told I should be grateful for what I have blah blah blah).

Just to buck the gender trend...

With all three of my pregnancies my main concern has been to carry and deliver healthy, happy babies. As it happens, all three have been boys (am still waiting for DS3 to put in an appearance) but I have also been aware that I marginally prefer boys over girls. Indeed my boy preference has got stronger in each pregnancy - I feel that I know how to "do" boys but that a girl would be an unknown quantity.

happystressedmum - that is true but it makes a minute difference otherwise all IUI babies would be boys and the average is close to the norm.

OP - please don't ignore the negative posts. If nothing else understand that saying others wouldn't have empathy and about your dreams and that you were initally disappointed about having a boy is massively insensitive. The fact that you are entitled to be insensitive doesn't compel you to be does it?

If you wanted to know, a one line post "do any of the sex selection methods work" would have sufficed and probably not drawn the amount of flak that it has.

HSM - you should be grateful for what you've got shouldn't you? You are entitled to try for a third baby. the two are not mutually exclusive. If you had posted saying that you were trying for a third because you had always dreamed of a third and you were disappointed when your second wasn;t twins and people who hadn't been in this position weren't able to empathise with you then I would say that your post was somewhat ill-advised and insensitive.

What kewcumber said.

What kewcumber said.

Hi Happystressedmum - thanks for your message :) I have also read up about this too and i know a lot of people it has worked for. Good luck with TTC!

This thread was moved from conception so as not to offend anyone. It is an open forum and people have a choice whether to read it or not.Mn discusses many different subjects that people could be offended by.
The op isnt saying that she isnt gratefull for being lucky enough to have children she is just exploring the possibilities of influencing the sex of her next child.Lots of people have more than one child,you dont hear anyone asking why that is or why they are having another when they have a perfectly good one already.
Its human nature to want what we havent already got and why is it ok to say "im happy with my 3 boys or 6 girls" but not ok to say id like a girl/boy.
I love my 3 boys and have had a great time raising them and watching them grow into men,i am also now enjoying being a Mum of daughters for a change,the dynamics are different,their outlook and hobbies are different to the boys and it just makes a change.

I have one of each and both were conceived day 13 of a v regular 28 day cycle. I honestly think you have to want the baby regardless and examine why you need/want a DD so much, if it's to fulfil an ideal of a pink /sparkly princess, bear in mind lots of girls have more tomboyish traits

lulu my ds3 is a ballet dancer!! haha

wow ! is he ? my DD definitely bucks the idea that little girls sit neatly and colour in .. she loves taekwondo and although she loves drawing, she is a feisty and independent girl.