thinking of trying for a girl and want to hear your experiences

[happyforthemostpart]

Okay - so i know it's not PC to want a particular sex BUT I have always envisaged having a daughter. My son is 17months old and when he was born i have to be honest i was disappointed. I can't believe i could say that now and i love him more than anything else in the world and would not swap him at all!!

BUT - we have started trying for a brother or sister for him and I am wondering whether the 'girl' theories are worth giving a go.

I have done a lot of reading up and my thoughts are:
Timing method Timing method - seems to make sense but I am worried about missing out on pregnancy completely and don't really want to be TRYING for too long!
Diet method - I think a balanced diet is necessary when trying for any baby. Though i have been drinking oj and eating yoghurt.... not sure this will tip the balance though!!
Sperm count - again i know lowering it is supposed to work for a girl but i am concerned lowering it too much will just result in no pregnancy at all!!

My orginal plan was just sex every other day and see what happens - the normal sensible way to conceive... But wondering if any ladies out there have had luck? Or think it's all rubbish?

Also - I haven't been charting cycles for long as just came off the pill - first cycle was 31 days and then 34 days so i think ovulation is around day 20/21 as was monitoring mucus too.....

Anyway - I just wondered if anyone felt comfortable sharing their stories? I don't want to talk about it with any of my friends or family!

Thanks!

When my twins were born, the first out was a girl, and I have never forgotten the irrational disappointment when the second was a girl too. We'd not asked to know the sexes at scans, and in any case they had a habit of crossing their legs or lying over each other every time we looked. I'd been saying to everyone that I didn't mind what sex, I just wanted them both to be healthy - so this enormous rush of sadness when I saw another little vagina was incredibly overwhelming. I felt so guilty, I'd had no idea that I'd been subconsciously wanting a one of each so much. I suppose I'm trying to say that wanting one of the other sort to the one you've already got can kick in in just eleven minutes!

And of course NOW I can't imagine them being anything other than what they are, which is absolutely wonderful.
And weirdly, when I was expecting again a couple of years later, I found that now I wanted another girl, not a boy at all. Sadly miscarried at 11 weeks, but I've always mentally called that unborn child a girl's name.

Anyway, if you think anything might help push the odds in favour of getting one sort rather than the other, without compromising your chances of becoming pregnant in the first place of course, why not? You sound sensible enough to me to know that it's only a tiny tweak to the 50/50 percentage rate that you are likely to achieve, and you're not going to go ballistic if it turns out to be another boy. Good luck!

The "timing" method worked for us, although accidentally. I conceived DD2 literally one day after the end of my period, it was so early in my cycle it took me completely by surprise. I just knew it would be a girl.

Timing seemed to have worked for us too though none of it was intentional. Ds was day 14. Dd1 was day 8 and dd2 day 10. Baby no4 (ds2) any day now and I was def ovulating so prob day 14 or 15. I tend to know simply because dh works away so much and I can tell very clearly when I am ovulating.

Fwiw, although this is an emotive subject, I think the op sounds fairly sensible in her attitude. She would clearly love a daughter but really wants a baby regardless. I don't think anyone can be offended by that. But then I've never experienced either infertility or a longing for one sex or the other. But I don't think the op's post is any harsher than someone posting that they're upset at their inability to conceive no3 when others are just desperate for their first!

thanks for support ladies - I felt totally personally attacked after posting and went off to bed thinking mumsnet was a bi**hfest for angry birds who had nothing better to do than abuse others!! (lissielou - i also reported some of the vindictive posts - views are fine but blatant bitchinesss is just unecessary - we are all grown ups and this is not a kids playground.)

BUT - having seen some of the more thoughtful posts this morning it seems it is just a few people who ruin it for the rest- always the way really!

Thanks all for the advice though - i do genuinely believe there is something in the timing method but don't think i want to slow down the process anymore than necessary. Besides, I could not love my little boy more so perhaps 2 little boys would be double the fun! It's just (as some people do understand) when you've had a vision all your life it's hard to get your head round the fact it's not going to work out like that - even if the alternative is still amazing.

Ticklebumpkin - thanks so much for sticking up for me against the mumsnet bullies. As in life it is their issues and not ours which causes this behaviour.... just ignore them! Not nice people.

TinkerTailor - Great thought provoking posts - thank you.

There are forums out there for women who want to try for girls (I have no fucking idea why, but there we go). Please google them and go and post on them rather than upsetting people here.

Have read part of this thread, but not all as its grown quite a bit so sorry for treading on anyones toes. Im surprised this thread is here at all as there are several on the conception thread already, but hey ho.

I am in the camp of just be glad its a baby and that you can be pg at all, but Im not going to shout my case at you. As I know from experience that this point is never heard.

Anyway what I wanted to say was its a 50 -50 game, the only way and this is deffinilty the only way to get the sex you want in your next baby is to have the embyros checked for gender. Cant remember what this is called but I watched a programme on 4OD the other day here is the link. www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl/4od

I think it made for very interresting viewing, and to be honest I thought alot of the women came across as very selfish.

Good luck with TTC, as it is a very tough road.

here OP

Please dont click on the link if you find this whole thing offensive, I dont want to upset anyone.

OP - I am frankly at your attitude on this thread. You asked a controversial and upsetting question. You have received strong opinions in reply.
You talk of empathy - but where is yours for women whose reproductive choices are so, so much more limited and traumatic than yours appear?

I don't see what the problem is here. I have a DD, prior to which I had 2 m/c's, and went through fertility treatment to conceive DD, so I've worn that particular T-shirt. I would like to try for a DS next time, for a multitude of reasons, and I will try any number of old wives tales. I will be equally delighted if I have another DD, but I don't see any harm in trying for a DS. Sure is it not just the same as all of the things people try when pregnant to guess the gender? I remember Jamie Oliver talking about putting a bag of frozen peas on his nether regions to try for a boy, is that so bad?

And to be fair to the OP, she did not ask for opinions on a controversial subject, she asked for experiences. Totally reasonable post on a parenting forum.

Ticklebumpkin, where have I said personal attacks are ok? They aren't. But calling someone a silly moo, or telling them they are being daft is not a personal attack.

Op you are being precious. If you do not wish honest and varied opinions, you have come to the wrong place.

Really hiding thread now.

Ticklebumpkin, where have I said personal attacks are ok? They aren't. But calling someone a silly moo, or telling them they are being daft is not a personal attack.

Op you are being precious. If you do not wish honest and varied opinions, you have come to the wrong place.

Really hiding thread now.

Yes, northernlurker has hit the nail on the head - you have no conception of what empathy is - can't you just TRY and see this from other people'4 point of view. Yes, I think sometimes people have a preference, that's possibly natural and certainly doesn't make you in the wrong - your attitude does though.

Fwiw I have one of each and tbh find it vaguely offensive when people say I'm 'so lucky' I got a boy and girl or when I was pregnant people saying 'they'd 'keep their fingers crossed for a girl this time'. I was pregnant - from the second I knew I was pregnant I loved and wanted that baby long before I could have found out the sex and long before I knew if I would carry 'it' to term. Therefore, people who have lost babies feel this too - can't you see you're being insensitive? People not only lose their baby they lose their hopes and dreams and future for that baby. People who can't have kids have to grieve the babies they wanted, surely you can see that you seem at best ungrateful and at worse just downright horrible.

Marry into my DH's family, they are incapable of producing boys . And if girls are so favoured please can someone explain to me why I'm getting nothing but pitying looks for expecting dd2? I'm 40 in a couple of weeks but I've lost count of the number of people who've told me I've still got time to squeeze out a boy and never mind, better luck next time.

Ps I think your op was actually ok, fair enough you wanted opinions I just don't think your responses were very nice.

thanks udderly!!! I KNOW this is a controversial subject which is why i asked for experiences from women with experience in this area......

i don't have to justify my feelings to lots of people i don't know!!

No but I think you do have to / should be thoughtful and considerate of other people's feeling whether you know them or not.

why on earth do some of you read the title and then decide to come along and be offended? The op title makes it pretty clear what it's about - how do you have so much time to find time to actively look to take offence.

My dad died when i was a kid - so from now on, i am going to personally insult any posters having a moan about their parents. after all, they should just be grateful they've got them.

op - seems like you will have to wade thro some shit to get to any useful info.

I saw the title and read the op because it was interesting to me and because I was going to say we had sex every other day when ttc both dc and got one of each, as I said, I think the op is ok. I think her sttitude isn't.

Happiness and contentment do not lie in getting what you want but in enjoying what you get.

This may sound like mumbo jumbo zen nonsense but please think about it as I really believe it's true.

Before having children I had a preference for girls. I've had two sons and am having no more.

I didn't get everything I thought I wanted but what I did get was so amazing and so wonderful that I just thank my lucky stars every day for them and cherish them totally and utterly. Honestly I look at them and just can't be,I've my luck.

Yes I have the odd pang when I think I'll never get to buy stripy tights or they may be crap in remembering to phone when older, but actually now I don't care, I don't have everything that that imaginary girl may have brought but I refuse to have any moments of sadness about that when what I do have it just so wonderful.

OP, trying to say this not in preachy way, but in a helpful I know what that 'preference' feels like, but honestly just go with it and love your children and you will be happy.

Happiness is about a state of mind and rarely based on making sure you get what you feel or think you want.

You can chose to think differently.

Well, I stand by every word in my post, which was not about the original thread title. It was about the first comment made by the OP when she got some negative responses. Threads about gender preference don't usually rile me - they're usually light-hearted and centre around old wives tales. Where's the harm? The harm comes in when the poster defends herself in such terms as "don't have a lot of empathy".

I agree with grumpypants, there's too much crap being dished out here. The op asked for the experiences of other women and her op wasn't at all offensive.

I don't come onto threads where people are whinging about their mothers to say the thread is offensive as both my parents and pil are dead and you should just be grateful you have parents? I quite often look at the title and think they should realise how lucky they are but I'd never post that because the fact that my kids are growing up without any living gp does not detract from their frustration or mean they have no right to ask for advice or have a rant.

Also, parents are allowed to ask for help with behavioural issues without fear of being told they should just be grateful their child isn't severely disabled.

Just because one aspect of life has not been easy for some of us does not give us the right to play one-upmanship. The op asked fir the experiences of others. I've never been in her position but if the idea offended me I'd hide the thread rather than come on purely to have a go at her.

Agree carpetlover.

Do the same people come on threads where people are trying to have a third? I don't think so as I've read a few of those (started a couple even) and I've NEVER seen "just be grateful for the two you have, how selfish and inconsiderate of you to talk about wanting three when some people can't have one".

Or larger families. Is MN inconsiderate for having a larger families section because some people can't have that either?

Or is it inconsiderate for someone to post about their secondary fertility because at least they have one child and some people can't have any?

This place should be big enough for people to share experiences without people piling in and attacking. I do get the impression that's the only reason some people clicked on this thread.

anyone out there who's got experiences to share though? I think unless you have had this deep longing and don't have a lot of empathy it's hard to understand.....

OP fair enough you feel like people have jumped on you for what you have said but do you not see how your words in the above sentance are hurtfull? Using the words deep longing and empathy are going to get peoples backs up. Including my own, it has nothing to to with your subject matter as there are already two threads in the conception section talking about this very subject, it is the way you have phrased your opinions. And Im not saying you are not entitled to these opinions but you should use some 'empathy' on a board (conception) that have alot of posters who are desperate for children, even one. They have been trying for years with no success, and some like me who tried for a long time only for it to end in stillbirth. That is deep longing and we have bounds of empathy.

If you want a girl fair enough but dont get upset when somebody takes offence at what you have written which has clearly not been thought out.

Green zebra, I can't speak for the op but I understood that when she said empathy she meant experience and understanding, as opposed to general sympathy. But as I say I can't speak for the op.