I’ve just found out that my husband has slept with someone else. My world has fallen apart and I don’t know what to do.

[MyHeartisinTwo]

Just that really. I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like I’m in a nightmare. We have a 3 year old DD. The OW sent me a message from a private instagram account because H had blocked her actual accounts on my phone without my knowledge. He works with her.

He’d gone to her birthday party which I knew about. Didn’t come home until after 4am which isn’t normal for him so I wasn’t happy and we had plans the next day. He said they’d all gone somewhere after the party. Turns out he was with her in a hotel down the road. This was weeks ago and he hadn’t told me.

When I confronted him he eventually admitted it. Said that he couldn’t explain it at first. Then said that there was distance between us and he was weak and naive. We were arguing a lot. He’s been struggling with his mental health and I’ve been doing my best to support him whilst working full-time in a stressful job. I thought we were just going through a rough patch.

I’m literally shaking. I don’t have a lot of family and I haven’t told anyone IRL yet. He says it doesn’t have to be over. But it does doesn’t it?

💯 Of course he led her on - she’s only 21.

Its revolting.

Get angry, OP.

He led on and slept with a 21 year old.

Is this the kind of man you want to stay with and teach your daughter it’s ok?

Don’t be sad. Get angry. And you will.

You are misunderstanding what I’m saying.

What I have stated (and used myself as an example merely because I do know my own internal states and can’t know others) is that YOU can’t know how happy another human genuinely is. If you are talking about your own personal experience it’s different.

The reason I’m being vociferous in following this up is because the OP will be, understandably, desperate for any chance of having her old life back and your words offer hope of this. But are not based on your own personal experience but your understanding of other people’s experience. which is irrelevant because you will only know what you saw and what you were told.

My own experience is irrelevant too, other than demonstrating how the appearance of being happily married is not the same as actually being happily married. Which demonstrates that one person can’t know for certain that another person is genuinely happy. My own experience is actually different to the OPs in most ways other than the gaslighting, lying and manipulating.

Im not saying it’s not possible to get through something like this and be genuinely happy. I’m saying that the only people that can say that it IS possible are those who have actually had the same experience as the OP and are now genuinely happy. Direct, lived experience.

You as a bystander and observer of others is not robust enough evidence of this being possible.

You do not sound weak at all. You sound exactly like a normal human being in a shocking and traumatising situation. The life you thought you had, is not the life you had. The man you thought you knew, is not the man you now know. Your hopes for the future are now in question. Of course you just want to return to the status quo. Of course you don’t want him to be with someone else. Of course you want the future you imagined. You are being human.

This is why you need time and space from him to process what you now know, process those conflicting feelings, figure out what you want, without the noise of his manipulation and all this emotional turmoil. So you can find your own voice and make a decision based on what you want and need.

Sending you love and strength OP. Whatever you decide.

Stop making excuses for the younger woman. She is an adult that chose ro have sex with a married man, She is such a cow that she just had to tell his wife. Why did she do that ? Because she wants the wife's life, she wants the house and the holidays and all that goes with having a bit of more money than she currently earns. She is a tramp and those making the excuse that she can't be held responsible for her actions because her brain ( or lack of) isn't fully formed do you agree that any male under 25 that rapes or kills should be excused because they still have a teenage brain?