If you have 3 children do they all have their own room?

[unsureforevermore]

Just that really, I’m expecting in September we have a 8&6 year old boy and girl, plan is for the older two to share for a year or two and then whichever sex the new child is they will then share further down the line.

coming up for a remortgage in October and we think we are just going to pull a bit of money out to pay off a few things so we are a bit more comfortable on mat leave.

anyway do yours all have their own room? Does it work for you? I always shared when I was little and I enjoyed sharing with my sister x

I feel like with the cost of living etc I really don’t want to have a big mortgage I’d rather have more freedom for holidays etc

That’s exactly what I meant. OP isn’t unlucky she only has 3 rooms, she’s chosen to put herself in that situation.

We have 3 girls. The eldest 2 (8&6) are sharing the large room, whereas the baby (4 months) has her own room atm.

When the eldest wants her own space, we plan on giving her the smaller room and then the 6&4 month old can share.

I think it’s something you’ll need to consider long before the teenage years tbh.

you have a big age gap between your older two and then your last child. Presuming baby stays in your own bedroom for the first year, you’re looking at a one year old sharing with a 7 or a 9 year old. Completely different stages, needs, bedtimes.

this is the reality of big age gaps. Even if your older two had been the same sex, it could have caused resentment if they had to start sharing so a much younger child of the opposite sex could get their own room.

obviously sharing bedrooms happens, the world doesn’t stop turning! But it’s much less common than in used to be with people generally having smaller families and also with greater availability of 4/5 bedroom houses. Just because things were the norm in the past, doesn’t mean they’re desirable. Boarding schools used to have dormitories with rows of beds but that wouldn’t happen now!

The importance of Personal space and privacy shouldn’t be underestimated. I’m speaking as a parent of 3 children, girl/boy/boy and yes, the boys shared for a little while but that was a 17 month age gap. If my third child had been another girl, it would still only have been a 3 year age gap. Any more than that would have been difficult I think. We also had the funds in place to move to a 4 bed house which we did when our youngest was age 2.

I don’t think people on this thread are being unkind, just pointing out the reality. I feel for those who’ve had losses or difficulty conceiving and have ended up with larger age gaps than they’d have wished for, that’s tough. Ultimately it’s about managing the needs of everyone in the family, and the dynamics are likely to be trickier if you have children at vastly different stages

That’s exactly what I meant. OP isn’t unlucky she only has 3 rooms, she’s chosen to put herself in that situation.

I grew up sharing a room with a much younger sibling till 16 so assumed it would be fine - especially as our kids would be closer in age. THough looking back I was sent to bed insanely early even into teen years.

Didn't expect to get a 4 bed house - and yes it came with compromises. Given our family history three kids was our ideal number for us but if we stayed in last house we'd be looking a configuring space downstairs or in loft for extra room and very least looking at some of the bed dividing individual space creating beds/furniture.

They do know families with more kids - often blended in some form and they often do have shared rooms but it's much less common that it once was.

I grew up knowing very few children with their own room - it was very much the exception, largely the preserve of “onlys”. I guess you don’t miss what you have never had - I would never swap more bedroom space for my brothers, I don’t know anyone else who would either.

A bedroom per child historically was the exception. When we had space for a room each for all the DC they elected to keep sharing and switched and swapped over the years. Eventually they migrated to their own rooms but still spent more time in each others’ overall.

I find the idea that its some form of abuse/deprivation for each child not to have a private room from birth to be something I never hear outside of MN. There is a thread running atm where an OP is being told that the larger bedroom in the house should be the exclusive preserve of a child who is only there EOW (the OP wanted to use the desk for work on the days the child isn’t there). So now we have moved beyond a bedroom per child to two exclusive bedrooms per child if they are in a blended family.

It's mad.

No, and I feel really bad about the situation. 5.5 years between elder two and they have to share, as youngest is the opposite sex. Eldest at uni now and am really sad that they will never be able to bring a partner home or have somewhere to return to afterwards should they need to. None of them have ever hosted sleepovers.

I should have been firmer with DH about moving and am really resentful about it. We have a tiny mortgage in proportion to his (high) income, could quite easily afford it but he just refuses point blank to get the house in a fit state to put on the market, remortgage to fund an extension (or heaven forbid, save) or even think about moving.

If I inherit eventually, I might buy a small flat in London for the children to use, for uni or to launch a career.

I asked my sister yesterday on the back of this thread what she thought and felt of sharing with me when we were younger - I said be honest did you resent it etc.

Her response was that she had the odd day where I did her head in as siblings do but then she said it was the greatest memories she had being little sharing and she’d do it all over again and burst into tears ♥️ that’s an 8 year gap. Actually made me cry too haha

obviously a lot of mixed responses and defo something to review in a year or two. It’s not like we absolutely couldn’t afford to move in a few years

Yes that is the rub - some downs obviously but IME the pluses outweigh the downs.

Plus of course you learn to negotiate, rub along together, live together rather than being “protected” from learning those skills needed for happy communal living. I think that is a good thing.

Sleepovers also happened - sometimes with both siblings in a room, sometimes one sibling would bunk up with another for the night.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it until you can and want to move.

I would never swap more bedroom space for my brothers, I don’t know anyone else who would either.

I'd sadly happily be without either sibling they've brought nothing positive to my life at all - but it's nothing to do with sharing rooms and more wider parenting issues.

My three get on really well - as much to personality and luck and age gaps as anything else. The've shared and not shared rooms at different ages. I'm just saying if we couldn't have got the 4 bed - and honestly never thought we'd get one - we would have look at ways of giving eldest DD some privacy into her teens years from younger sister- and there are more innovative ways that ever to acheive that now than in the past - with room dividers and beds.

I ended up being the one who had to do school work in communal area at kciten table during GCSE years and I did better than siblings. Our kids having option of kitchen table or their rooms or even front room has been nice for them but I don't think it altered the outcomes.

I’m astonished that so many people have no concept of personal space and the importance of it for children. All children should have privacy and their own space, especially as they get older. Also, quite a few older children who get their own rooms, but the younger children (in one case above the 14 year old gets his own room, but the 13 old has to share) smacks of favouritism and is unfair. Either treat your children fairly, or limit your family size.

Don’t be so silly.

I assume that is my situation you are talking about.

Favouritism 😆 my two middle children CHOOSE to share because it means they get the Xbox in their bedroom, get the biggest room and will have a downstairs bedroom, as well as being closer than they are with their big brother.

Also, re kids sharing. My two brothers shared until they were 21 and 18. They've grown up to be perfectly fine and don't hate each other/resent parents etc. They would rather have their siblings than their own room.

There’s a 9 year age gap between me and my sister and we shared till she was about 9. It wasn’t too bad for me, except that she always wanted to sleep on my bed, which was fine except when she was potty training and wet the bed 😫

We aren’t particularly close now. We still see each other but we live 90miles away so we only see each other occasionally and we both hate phone calls!

Most adults share a room with another adult - there is no harm
in kids sharing!

I have four children and the two boys share with a seven year age gap, the girls shared until they were 12 and 14 with a two year gap but now have the two attic rooms. It hasnt caused an issue with the boys. They have shared since the little one was five and the oldest was twelve. They are now 9 and 16 and it works fine but they do have the bigger room and I have somewhat separated the youngest child’s nook with a bookcase. My oldest is always considerate when going to bed late, they are both quite messy so thats not been an issue. The kids dont play in their bedrooms really so the oldest has it to revise in. Sharing has made them closer as brothers than they might have been given their age gap - the little one keeps the 16 year old more lighthearted as they chat about primary school things, he adores his big brother. It’s nice and we don’t have another bedroom so thats just how it is… but I think I’d choose to do it anyway..

Yes our three children have their own bedrooms. The twins had their own rooms even as babies in case one would wake the other up.

Ridiculous of course they can share.. Regardless of ages.. Everyone used to share years ago,

Ha ha, love this! I think my kids’ ideal would also be us all sharing the same room. Although my ds, now 14, has obviously moved on a bit!

My two sons, 5 years apart, shared the large loft room for a few years - what worked well was getting Ikea Kallax units to partition it so it was almost like two rooms. That can work sometimes.

Otherwise you just do what you can do. As others have said, it’s just our current privileged culture that insists on each child having their own separate room. There are many families who simply don’t have the finances or capacity to provide this but it doesn’t mean their children are somehow deprived. You’ll make it work

Must be lovely to live in your beautifully privileged world where only those with enough money to provide a separate bedroom for each child get to reproduce.

We had 5 sons within 8 years. We started off in a 3 bed house. 4 children shared the largest bedroom (bunk beds) the eldest son had his own room. We believe because of their close ages, it had little impact on the bedroom situation. They all got on well and are close, even today. The next house we purchased was a 4 bed. Eldest son had his own room and 2 boys then shared the other two rooms. As the children got older and went to university, armed forces etc the next eldest child had his own room. It was different times (80's and 90's), and we had no daughters which made the situation easier to handle. I think today, children want their own rooms. I see this with my grandchildren!

Mines share but they are twin girls. I think it’d make it trickier with a chunky age gap. I think teenage boys do a lot of “self exploring” and it’s tricky when you don’t have a private space.

Ignoring the pros & cons of kids sharing for now, do you genuinely see no differences between an adult couple choosing to share a room & bed with each other & children having to share with their siblings? None at all?

Learning to share space is not a bad thing. Plenty of people shared space as children and are perfectly well rounded adults. It isn’t emotionally damaging. Why do you think it is a problem? Humans have shared space for millennia. Shaming parents for not being able to provide individual space for each child should not be a thing.

Unsureforevemore myself and my dh have 4 children 3 girls and 1 boy. Up until 3 years ago they all shared as my mam lived with us. When my mam could no longer go upstairs we offered to move my ds into his own room he didn't want to so he shared with his younger sister for about a year right now our 3 daughters share the biggest room and they are 16, 14 and 9. I offered to do an attic conversion but none of them want to be on their own they prefer to share. My ds is 11 and he has the smallest room ( still quite large) and he has finally got used to being on his own but if a relative is staying for a day or 2 he loves being back in with his sisters for a night or two on a blow up bed. They do of course argue at times but are very close and are always laughing and giggling together. I think a safe and loving home is so much more important than having your own room.
I had my own room but I wasn't safe.

There are plenty who share rooms with 7 or 8 others and pay through the nose for that privilege! (Boarding school)