For me this sums up MNHQ treatment of autistic posters

[StopHateAgainstAutisticPeople]

I took this screenshot today of my two watched threads and I thought a good visual representation of the ableism autistic people face here.

one thread where non-autistic people get to spread misinformation about autism and another where the OP wanted to talk about ableism in general. Of course it ended up with two non-autistic people asking us over and over to justify ourselves.

one is on thread 6, the other has been deleted (they say hidden but it has been 24+ hours)

i feel so despondent. Knowing this is how society sees us just makes everything too much of a struggle. I’m an inconvenience. I don’t think enough about how non-autistic people are adversely impacted by me. I don’t matter.

being autistic is so fucking shit. We’re the blame-magnets of society. I want to shut my eyes and mind.

@Legofigure

Perhaps it would help you to take some time away from this thread as you arguing your point is completely ruining this thread, which made valuable points until the derailment.

So I’m not allowed to respond to posts accusing me of missing the point when I have repeatedly said I haven’t? Nor to ones accusing me of twisting and misrepresenting, being upset, focusing too much on one sentence and being rude? I’m just supposed to sit back and accept those posts without reply am I?

you shouldn’t accuse someone else of missing the point

Once again, it’s not an accusation. It was merely something to get back to the OP’s main point. This has now been explained to you multiple times in the kindest way possible but you are just insisting on repeatedly derailing this thread to talk about yourself! You have overreacted. It’s that simple. I tried my best to understand that and to explain so you weren’t so bothered but ironically enough, you are here trying to control the narrative and placing intent to words that aren’t there. That is rude. That’s my opinion. Continuing to reply ‘ no I’m not’ over and over doesn’t change my opinion, it reinforces it.

I mean PDA isn’t officially even accepted as part of autism:

Those who favor the term say it has merit — if not as a diagnosis, then at least as a way to describe a personality type that is common among autistic people. Other professionals say it is too narrow and subjective to be clinically useful, and that it pathologizes an autistic person’s preferences and autonomy.

It was an accusation and no I haven’t overreacted. I wasn’t trying to change you opinion just reply to something said about me that I don’t agree with.

Give it up for goodness sake

So I’m not allowed to respond to posts accusing me of missing the point when I have repeatedly said I haven’t? Nor to ones accusing me of twisting and misrepresenting, being upset, focusing too much on one sentence and being rude? I’m just supposed to sit back and accept those posts without reply am I?

You haven't responded. You've reacted. And you keep on reacting which is why I suggested taking time away from this thread as you aren't achieving anything.

No one accused you of anything.

Your posts could be perceived as being rude.

Perhaps you should inform the PDA society then because this is their view as per the link I posted to their website:

”PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is widely understood to be a profile on the autism spectrum, though we are still at an early stage in our understanding and PDA research is in its infancy.

Whilst autism is a widely recognised term, our understanding of the full breadth and complexity of the autism spectrum is still evolving.”

I responded to posts. Definition of respond is “say something in reply.”

Perhaps you should inform the PDA society

Why? They’re aware I’m sure, it’s not officially accepted. Who are they anyway? What makes them ‘the’ authority on autism?

The PDA society are the leading charity in the UK on PDA. I posted multiple times in many areas it isn’t recognised as a standalone diagnosis. But as per the PDA society’s quote it “is widely understood to be a profile on the autism spectrum“. So if you have information that shows it isn’t a part of the autism spectrum I’m sure they would like to know about it.

No because I’m sure they are aware that not everybody agrees with their position. I’m talking of experts in autism.

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pda/autistic-adults

> What is PDA?

The existence of PDA as a ‘diagnostic term’ and how it fits within the autism spectrum is widely debated. With limited evidence-based research there is no conclusive and agreed upon definition of PDA.

> Although there is no prevalence study as yet, the demand avoidant profile is thought to be relatively uncommon.

Demand avoidance isn’t just seen in those with a PDA profile so would need to be seen with a number of other features

_

From the OP

I agree about the need to control surroundings (not people).

I thought this point from the OP worth highlighting because I find this a really important difference that’s not being acknowledged or clearly defined by partners and others. It’s not the intent to control people, but a need to control surroundings and have itineraries and clearly organised lives. This is something some with anxiety can do too. It’s not like psychopathy where they get a kick out of controlling people. That’s where the offence and ableism comes into it.

That quote isn’t disagreeing with the PDA society though. The PDA society recognise it isn’t a diagnostic term in its own right. They call it a profile, just like NAS have in that quote.

Demand avoidance isn’t just seen in those with a PDA profile so would need to be seen with a number of other features

This is what I said when I posted upthread some can have demand avoidance traits but not have PDA.

From the same link NAS also say, ”What is generally agreed upon is what is often referred to as a PDA profile.”

The existence of PDA as a ‘diagnostic term’ and how it fits within the autism spectrum is widely debated. With limited evidence-based research there is no conclusive and agreed upon definition of PDA.

”What is generally agreed upon is what is often referred to as a PDA profile.” is what the next sentence in that NAS paragraph says.

It might not be recognised as a diagnostic term but it is recognised as a profile by NAS. This is their first sentence on the PDA page.

”Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a profile that describes those whose main characteristic is to avoid everyday demands and expectations to an extreme extent.”

The existence of PDA as a ‘diagnostic term’ and how it fits within the autism spectrum is widely debated. With limited evidence-based research there is no conclusive and agreed upon definition of PDA.

This was my original point.

I do hope the OP feels comfortable to come back to their own thread and discuss the main objections they had to the discussions about autistic partners.

As I said above, this issue around control is one that gets misrepresented a lot,
I agree about the need to control surroundings (not people).

Its one of the more offensive discussions that takes place.

Another earlier comment from OP

there could be a whole range of reasons why a marriage is difficult and it is not just the fault of an autistic partner. What if the non- autistic partner may have a personality disorder, be an alcoholic or there could be a big intelligence difference?

Yes, could be many many reasons… one thing I do wonder with the seriously unhappy marriages is as you put it earlier, why wouldn’t they just end the marriage? I get no good answers when I ask. Same reasons as anyone will give but ultimately I don’t think anyone should stay in an unhappy marriage.

Sometimes I think the need to control surroundings can come across as controlling people to some people. For example, needing to control the home environment and e.g. being unable to tolerate loud visitors some could perceive as controlling the person who wants the visitors. I don’t think I have explained that well and I am not saying it is the intention or that it should be seen that way but perhaps that’s where some of the comments grow from.

Same reasons as anyone will give but ultimately I don’t think anyone should stay in an unhappy marriage.

Like you say I think it’s the same reasons as for why anyone who is in an unhappy marriage stays. A mixture of finances, children, the fact some still love each other even if they aren’t happy at that moment/for a while, the fact even if they don’t love each other any more they still care about each other, maybe fear of the unknown/rocking the boat…

Some are so so angry about their partner and blame autism for all their marriage problems and if their behaviour on that thread is anything like how they behave at home, it’s really really important for the marriage to end. An autistic person should not bear the brunt of their extreme anger about what they assume in many cases is autism. Many examples simply have nothing to do with autism. In addition, the anger at anyone suggesting they leave is as if they actually can’t. It’s still their choice. If you don’t leave I think the attitude towards autism has to change. One poster said she wouldn’t advise having children ‘with them’ as ‘it could be genetic’, that kind of language is ableist hate speech to me. It shouldn’t be allowed to stand.

As I said I don’t agree with everything posted there.

Well this thread is fucked.

if you go back to my original post @Legofigure you will see I am currently in a very dark place. This thread was to try to help. I got some lovely support. Until you joined

so you’ve taken control of this thread. Removed the support all because you were hellbent on arguing something that wasn’t even the point.

back to my dark place now. Absolutely fuck this with fucking bells on.

I’m so sorry @StopHateAgainstAutisticPeople I tried my best to steer it to what was originally the purpose of this thread. If you’d like to chat to others we can all agree to avoid further derailments. I know you’re in a bad place right now so I’m sorry if I contributed to this problem here.

I replied to your original point. I haven’t taken control of the thread I have replied to posts.