Long time lurker here who just wanted to say thank you for being so open and authentic OP and I am so sorry and frustrated and hurt that this happens...my typing skills and cognition are not great at present due to health and an ongoing bullying situation by a nasty, manipulative criminal who lives below us. I do not want to say the wrong thing or trigger anyone, so just to warn that there is mention of police intervention and verbal agression in this post.
I am so tired of assumptions that are made about people who also happen to have ASD/traits/ND, and the assumption that someone must be ''insert armchair diagnosis here'' because they behaved in a certain way. It fans the flames of misconception about what ASD is and forgets individuality of people. Their character, traits, genetics, how they were raised, environment...but there is a need in society to label and make sense and assign diagnoses to any behaviour, typically negative ones.
The discrimination and ignorance is pervasive, sadly - I trained to be a degree educated counsellor a few years ago after years of nursing and felt lulled into a sense of safety that I shared with the group that I was 'on the spectrum'. I rue that day!!
I wish I hadn't, as I was treated quite differently from that day on (noticed by a few good friends on the course), to the point where, for example, I had to ask the tutor why she felt the need to ask me permission before she gave me a hug, but not anyone else. She admitted that she assumed that I didn't like to be touched!! Why? Maybe just ask everyone then, as some people HATE hugs no matter what their 'label'.
The final straw was a very bitter soul who encountered me in group, and said that it was really bothering her that I was training to be a counsellor. It was REALLY bohtering her. I was doing well and feedback was positive - my placements were great and I had fantastic working relationships with clients.
She stated that one of the core conditions that was required to be a fully present counsellor was empathy and she knew that autistic people lacked empathy - it was troubling her...I explicitly told her that this was a psychopath she was describing, but she stood firm and compared me to another autistic person she knew, saying it was well known 'they' don't have empathy.
This is the level of ignorance and at a semi professional level from a handful of individuals who claim to be nonjudgmental, kind and open minded, and groupthink can overtake. I have found that the opposite can occur too, thankfully, when you meet more emotionally intelligent souls but the bad experiences tend to stick in the memory and still hurt.
Sadly, this emotionally intelligent approach was not the type of officer we dealt with recently, and disclosure to them that we struggled with verbal engagement and stressful situations have been pointless; utterly useless with recent events, even after I reported that a drug using, antisocial, no paper trail, does not exist at the property bully neighbour had been verbally abusive to me because I asked him to stop parking on our driveway - as soon as we told the police that we were all were ASD (DH, DS11 and I) the main officers demeanor changed and the sarcasitic, assumptive and domineering tone kicked in. A familiar one.
Cue victim blaming of 'why didn't you report them sooner if you have been suffering for 4 years?' Trying to explain about our fear of confrontation and difficulties with 'thinking on our feet' fell on deaf ears and we are now in the position that the police are insistent on knocking every day to check on the welfare of the nasty man's wife (who is of a similar character) because we mentioned that they used to be 'loud'...loud parties, screeching, music, overt weed use all throughout 2020/21 lockdowns. We shutdown emotionally - couldn't cope. Hoped it would just go away in time.
I understand and respect that the Police have to take any hint of DV seriously (my father treated my mother terribly, we never ever called the police out of fear and being controlled). I even tried to support the wife when she offloaded all of her woes about how everyone had been so awful to her (no mention of DV) and all of her family had cut her off (I haven't heard anything of 'concern' - I would report if I was worried, its my moral and ethical duty of care no matter how I feel about that person), but the Police are being so overt in such a vulnerable, tense situation, talking to us in the shared hallway of the flat at full volume with no respect for what is said/disclosed. We now feel at risk all because we finally did the right thing and reported these bullies to the police, and they are saying they will visit every day until they get to meet both people and check on their welfare. My report of his verbal abuse (screaming in my face to fuck off - he is 6ft, I am 5ft3) has been filed and the officer said that it was not important now given their concerns for the wlefare of both occupants downstairs.
I'm not sure why I felt I had to share all of this, but I am happy to chat to anyone - I am not currently working as a counsellor due to the situation we are in and impact on my health, but I am aiming to return with a view to being a voluntary counsellor and advocate for adults with ASD/related - my husband too, but in the legal capacity with regards to the Equality Act and supporting individuals in accessing support. I guess I am trying to give to others what we so depserately needed for so long.
As we always used to say to clients when it came to labels, jusgments and assumptions from others: 'you are the expert on you'.