For me this sums up MNHQ treatment of autistic posters

[StopHateAgainstAutisticPeople]

I took this screenshot today of my two watched threads and I thought a good visual representation of the ableism autistic people face here.

one thread where non-autistic people get to spread misinformation about autism and another where the OP wanted to talk about ableism in general. Of course it ended up with two non-autistic people asking us over and over to justify ourselves.

one is on thread 6, the other has been deleted (they say hidden but it has been 24+ hours)

i feel so despondent. Knowing this is how society sees us just makes everything too much of a struggle. I’m an inconvenience. I don’t think enough about how non-autistic people are adversely impacted by me. I don’t matter.

being autistic is so fucking shit. We’re the blame-magnets of society. I want to shut my eyes and mind.

because it gives them a dopamine high”. That’s a psychopath surely? It is not a regular autistic trait to deliberately cause someone else pain?

This was particularly awful and you’re right, some of the things being connected to autism are psychopathy or sociopathy and that is really wrong , in my opinion, to allow it here. It’s a gross misrepresentation and very harmful.

I don’t think they should have to specify their partner has demand avoidance traits before discussing controlling behaviour

fair enough. But given the title of the thread, everyone is effectively declaring their partner has Asperger’s so the respect you’re correctly asking for re PDA is out the window from the very first post for those of us with Asperger’s.

But as I said in my previous post some people displaying such a profile will have an Asperger Syndrome diagnosis. Just because someone doesn’t have a PDA diagnosis doesn’t mean they don’t have demand avoidance traits, either because in their area it isn’t recognised as a stand alone diagnosis or they display some of the profile but not enough for a PDA diagnosis instead of an ASD/autism/Asperger syndrome diagnosis.

A bit like in many areas SPD isn’t recognised as a standalone diagnosis but it doesn’t mean that many won’t meet the criteria or have sensory differences even if they don’t meet the criteria for a separate diagnosis.

Presumably non-autistic people can have demand avoidance traits too?

but I think you are missing the point which is that pretty much Every bad trait a partner has is being attributed to autism. Pretty much all of the traits raised can be displayed by non-autistic people too. The asymmetry in blame allocation patently unfair.

but I really don’t want to have another argument over here. I’m feeling pretty raw from the whole MN approach to people with Asperger’s.

No, I’m not missing the point. Just because I have a different opinion to you doesn’t mean I am missing the point. You stated controlling behaviour isn’t part of the ASD profile, and that’s incorrect as for some it is.

Presumably non-autistic people can have demand avoidance traits too?

Only in the same way as any other autistic trait.

Also the thread title states “Asperger’s/ASC” so it isn’t just a thread for partners of those with Asperger Syndrome.

No, I’m not missing the point. Just because I have a different opinion to you doesn’t mean I am missing the point.
@Legofigure you seem to have missed this in reply to you from @StopHateAgainstAutisticPeople and are focusing on something they are not so you are in fact missing their point and main objections:
what I specifically didn’t agree with however was the comment that the autistic spouses were deliberately manipulating situations and enjoying controlling their partners and making them unhappy “because it gives them a dopamine high”. That’s a psychopath surely? It is not a regular autistic trait to deliberately cause someone else pain?

@WahineToa - indeed. The poster also missed this

but I really don’t want to have another argument over here

ive had enough of people twisting and misrepresenting what I say to suit their own agenda.

I’m not arguing so no I haven’t missed that part of your post. It is possible to post on a discussion forum without arguing. Neither have I twisted or misrepresented anything you posted.

And no I am not missing the point and I didn’t miss the part of the post quoted. OP posted ”But it’s is hugely unfair to attribute so many traits to autism which are nothing to do with autism. Controlling and manipulation of other people for example - that’s really not an autistic trait at all.”

I haven’t commented on any other part of those threads except to say I don’t agree with everything posted there e.g. mild autism. None of the quote posted has anything to do with whether controlling behaviour can be a part of the ASD profile, which is what my post was about.

This is exactly why I don’t post here often. Because whenever anyone disagrees with what many consider to be the dominant view here they are accused of missing the point, not understanding, not being autistic despite posting they are, or being ableist when they aren’t they just don’t agree with another poster.

Oh, and I don’t have “an agenda” unless you consider correcting inaccuracies about what can be a part of the autism profile for some an agenda.

None of the quote posted has anything to do with whether controlling behaviour can be a part of the ASD profile, which is what my post was about.

Ok. But you’re not the only one in this discussion so while that’s your point, the OP in particular, has a different focus which they clearly wanted to get back to.

This is exactly why I don’t post here often. Because whenever anyone disagrees with what many consider to be the dominant view here

No, the OP simply had a different point and it is their thread. I think they even responded to you with, ‘fair enough’ above, but just wanted to direct the thread back to their point. I don’t think anyone has majorly disagreed with your points on PDA. I think it’s reasonable for an OP to want the topic just to get back to their main point.

I never said I was the only one in this discussion or that anyone disagreed with the PDA point (although it doesn’t just apply to those with PDA), but I wasn’t missing the point. If you/the OP want to get back to the original point which is fair enough please stop accusing me missing the point as that isn’t true and I have every right to challenge posters accusing me of something that isn’t true.

And we have every right to think and say how we view things too.

But then you can’t complain I’m not focusing on the original point as you wish posters to when I respond to the inaccuracies.

Nobody is ‘complaining’ about it. You are focusing too much on one sentence… I think you’re missing the point’ was said once? All she really means is, here is my actual point, can we get back to this. Which is fair enough, it’s her thread and her topic. You took it as some major complaint against you when, to me, it just means, this is what I’m wanting to address in my thread, what do you think? I even said, missing her point or main objections’ Then you seemed upset when you say, ‘that’s why I never post here….’ When nobody disagreed with your point at all or was rude to you.

Would you like to comment on what she’s saying?? The points about all the complaints some there attribute to autism when much of it isn’t at all? And the comments regarding enjoying seeing them in pain, like a dopamine high, attributing to autism things which indicate psychopathy?

Actually no, it wasn’t only mentioned once. And you posted “missing their point and main objections”, not or, once I had already replied that I hadn’t missed the point. I am not upset or focusing too much on one sentence, I know exactly what she means, but I have to right of reply to people insisting I am missing the point when I am not and have posted so.

To me, it is rude to keep insisting someone has missed the point when they have posted they haven’t just because they don’t post what you want them to post. Then to also accuse them of “twisting and misrepresenting” their posts and having an “agenda”.

Would you like to comment on what she’s saying?? The points about all the complaints some there attribute to autism when much of it isn’t at all?

If you read the thread you will find I have commented on this. I said I don’t agree with all that is written e.g. mild autism, but that some of the things the OP says aren’t autistic traits actually can be for some autism profiles e.g. controlling behaviour. Would you like to continue commenting on that instead of trying to incorrectly dissect my behaviour by telling me I am missing the point, upset, focusing too much on one sentence?

And the comments regarding enjoying seeing them in pain, like a dopamine high, attributing to autism things which indicate psychopathy?

I don’t know enough about dopamine and it’s links or not to autism and psychopathy to make any informed comment on this. So why would I comment on it?

I have been as polite and as careful as I can be to try and communicate this with you. You are clearly not interested in what we are discussing and that’s fine. I think the point re controlling behaviour has been made and I have nothing to add as it’s not the main point of the OPs. To me, it’s you and your tone that’s rude so I’ll leave it there now.

Now it is you that is “missing the point”. My point wasn’t wouldn’t you like to continuing commenting on controlling behaviour, it was would you like to continuing commenting on this i.e. “The points about all the complaints some there attribute to autism when much of it isn’t at all?”

How can you say I am not interested when the only reason I went away from the main point was in reply to posts about me? I posted comments on the original point.

I am not being rude, but thanks for that.

In my view you are, which is why I’m disengaging.

Well I’m not.

I think you are. I’m entitled to my opinion. Why don’t we stop this now and allow the thread to be what the OP intended it to be for?

Well I’m not. No one’s forcing you to reply…

Another shit show of a thread because someone dared to speak up against ableism, misconception and ignorance.

Well I’m not. No one’s forcing you to reply…

No, that’s true. What’s your intent here exactly? To argue the point about nothing? Derail someone else’s thread? This isn’t your thread. You are being rude. There is no need for this.

My point was to post about the OP’s point i.e. not agreeing with everything posted on those threads but that some of the things they thought weren’t autism traits can be for some autism profiles. As part of that I defended myself when accused of missing the point, being upset, twisting and misrepresenting posts, being rude, focusing too much on one point.

If you didn’t want the OP’s thread to go away from the original point perhaps you shouldn’t accuse someone else of missing the point when they have repeatedly said they haven’t then go on to say they are upset, focusing too much on one point and rude. Because they are going to reply to your posts when you do that, that’s not being rude. If you think there’s no need for my replies, there’s no need for you to accuse me of those things in the first place.

There have been multiple requests to get the thread back on track to no avail. Your point, if you ever had one, has been lost.

This thread has turned into a shit show and is not in keeping with the purpose of the ND board.

The constant derailment and arguing a 'non-point' is not helping anyone, least of all yourself.

Reported.