How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

Happy Birthday! You absolutely should have been born.
Those posts are horrible.

I'm sorry some of the threads on MN leave you feeling that way. I've not seen any of what you describe really. Apart from the time I was told I was being offensive to autistic people by referring to myself as an autistic person. But I think that comes from ignorance rather than hatred. And the time I was told I was selfish and didn't care for my baby because I couldn't breastfeed due to sensory issues. Again extremely ignorant but not hatred as such. Said more about their inadequecies than mine.

But I do get rage, proper 'need to walk away from the keyboard before I smash it up' rage whenever autism is touted as a reason for shitty behaviour from men.

Happy birthday @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I've not seen any autism bashing threads. Living with autism as a "high functioning person" for want of a better phrase is very different from parenting a child with high needs who may be non verbal, demand avoidant etc etc (I've seen both sides) and people need to realise that both of these lived experiences are valid.

They're touting ABA now 🤬

Yes. It’s not good.

Happy Birthday @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Can I just say that I really appreciate you. In general on these boards and for specific advice you gave me this week

and

And that thread in AIBU was fake.

ABA is a difficult one. It is effective to get the square peg into the round hole, but at what cost. I watched a demonstration video of it and almost had a meltdown because of the anxiety it triggered and I was just watching it!

We were asked by our hospital autism unit if we wanted it for DS, who also has autism. I warned DH that if he, or anyone else ever attempted to use it with a child of mine then I'd rip their fucking heads off. But then I wonder if that's because I have the 'privilege' of already being on the same wavelength as my child, whose needs aren't profound. Maybe I'd feel differently if my child was starving themselves to death because of food issues or repeatedly engaging in other dangerous behaviours.

I dunno.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

And that thread in AIBU was fake.

There was a massive amount of detail from the OP. Who the heck has time to waste like that?

There was a massive amount of detail from the OP. Who the heck has time to waste like that?

Somebody who loves to autism bash presumably.

And NTs tell us we're dysfunctional.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

glad you were born. your contibutions to the threads on this board have been great. though this one has pissed me off as well. (but that is the fault of the other thread and yes to whoever thought ABA was a head ripping off offense...

there was opne the other fucking day about doing loads with a kid and the kid was having meltdowns, well der... (i was approaching meltdown just reading it)

They used to make me angry but now I'm just like meh of course, people are cruel, needlessly so, I'm used to it basically.

Omg, engineering is awesome! You absolutely do deserve to work there and, once you've settled in, you're going to be better than all of them put together! 😃

Have faith 🙏 you're going to be brilliant. Take your time, learn what you need to and relax.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation Here is an example of one of your supportive, kind posts. You sound lovely. (not nt "lovely" which ain't) This was on the first thread I went on after my last post so didn't have to hunt for it.

Ive never seen any posts u mention as autism bashing threads i see some posters talking about the reality of autism in their family.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

There was a massive amount of detail from the OP. Who the heck has time to waste like that?

Somebody who loves to autism bash presumably.

And NTs tell us we're dysfunctional.

The post u are talking about i read they were not bashing autism at all just talking about a now possible fictional autistic child who does a lot of behaviours that my daughter does. Like smearing, biting, kicking, not sleeping.

[quote BlackeyedSusan]@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

glad you were born. your contibutions to the threads on this board have been great. though this one has pissed me off as well. (but that is the fault of the other thread and yes to whoever thought ABA was a head ripping off offense...

there was opne the other fucking day about doing loads with a kid and the kid was having meltdowns, well der... (i was approaching meltdown just reading it)[/quote]
Sorry, do you mean I pissed you off about me saying ABA was a head ripping offense or are you agreeing that it is?

I have autism and so do my boys and I get in trouble whenever I open my mouth on here because I'm just not on the same page hehe.

I would do almost anything to get my kids to get properly, they are quite severe. Not ABA though. I do give my eldest melatonin to help him sleep and I can be firm considering their difficulties. I hope they don't hate me for it but I would never cope otherwise.

No one should have to feel the way you do, OP.

I haven't seen the type of threads that you refer to, but like a PP pointed out up thread, there are very different life experiences within the spectrum.

Previously to having children, I would feel repulsed by something like ABA (on purely intelectual and moral levels).

After having our daughter who has ASD and is nonverbal, as well as meeting many other families with a range of experiences, my position has changed significantly.

We didn't feel ABA was right for DD and we went with PRT (pivotal response therapy) instead. It's a play/child led behavioural model and it has saved our lives.

Having said that, I've seen the difference ABA has made for dozens of children and their families and whilst I understand it's a sensitive topic, I couldn't possibly beging to judge them.

Happy Birthday I really hate threads like that, it rocks my confidence about what people think in real life, especially because people at work talk a good game around inclusivity but don't want to put the money and effort in. I'm sick of feeling like we're in a zoo to be talked about like we aren't actual people with feelings, or we're used as the autism "Directory enquiries" (showing my age there!) as soon as someone actually needs some info, and usually just to prove a point.

My DP has ASD and I have ADHD. It does cause difficulties for us both especially communication and intimacy. It is helpful to see that others with partners with ASD have similar difficulties to the ones we have. It makes me feel less lonely or broken or needy. I won’t return to this thread again but wanted to say why it helps. I don’t agree with unkindness though. And I would be fine if he was on a similar forum for partners of ADHDers because my ND does have an impact on him as much as his affects me.

@Newrunner29

Ive never seen any posts u mention as autism bashing threads i see some posters talking about the reality of autism in their family.

Oh well, if you havent seen any we must have just imagined them, problem solved!

What i find so bizarre is me and my friend both have non verbal disabled children who have similar behaviours non verbal, lashing out with biting,kicking, smearing not sleeping or being awake for hours in night. Her child has a genetic disorder not autism, my child has autism. Both have blue badges. But for some reason , when she mentions how difficult life is and how she wishes he didnt have the condition, its acceptable but if i say my child is disabled and i find life difficult and wishes she didnt have autism. Im some how completely wrong and its awful. And anyone talking about life being tough witj autism is classed as autism bashing?