Support thread for autistic people in relationships with NTs

[IncompleteSenten]

I am autistic. (Diagnosed). I was DX as an adult after both my sons were DX and the professionals involved with them began to raise it with me.

Female autism typically presents very differently in women and is often missed and so we go through years of our lives feeling weird and confused and all sorts and just not knowing why.

My husband is NT. It can be really difficult. Its not his fault, it's just how it is but I thought maybe if there are a few of us we can have our own thread where we get to chat and talk about things we find hard and perhaps give each other advice?

Female obviously not needed in that second sentence 😂 I wrote it differently at first then went back and changed it but clearly fucked it up

Hello I would love to join

Hi! That's great. Thanks
There's just so much I'd like to be able to talk about with women I feel would really understand.

Yes me too.

Sometimes I get so frustrated, but I have nobody to talk to and trying to articulate the issues to those who don’t understand how it really feels would be exhausting anyway. I think it will be really helpful to share experiences and get ideas of how to work through things

Hi

Diagnosed autistic but my DW is highly probably ND of some sort, so hope I'm still welcome?

Had a lot of experience of having an NT partner in my first marriage, so I can always offer info on that to help out

It is.
I don't find it easy to talk, I am much better in writing!

One struggle I have is trying to get him to remember that he can't give me a long bloody speech. I just want the necessary information.

An analogy would be I ask what the weather forecast is, and he tells me the history of weather forecasts and twenty different types of cloud formations and all I want to know is wet or dry.

Don't get me wrong, he helps me a LOT! I only truly understood the social dance because he taught me. This isn't about bashing but I just get so so fed up and you know how when you are having an internal meltdown? It's impossible to explain in a way that doesn't make me sound like a child!

😁 fantastic. The more the merrier.
I am so hopeful we can share our tricks and tips and also be able to vent a little to people who understand how stressful it is just living in this world!

I'm in! All I want to do tonight is watch Instagram reels and read my book but DH is pacing up and down like a caged Lion. We've been doing chores all day (like unpacking new plates and acetoning the labels off ) but somehow spending time on my interests is wasted time!

I can relate to that!

I'm lucky in that he's not much of a talker unless he's either drunk or there's a problem. Those times he turns into a one man show and talks at me until I want to cry.

I'd love to hear how you all explain to your partners that you don't want them to come at you with a load of info!

I ask him to email me and he says ok then turns round and carries on talking 🤦 I say look, you know I won't be able to remember all this, please email it

Yes yes oh but just....

Then when I get cross I'm unreasonable

What do you all struggle with?

I'm autistic and adhd and my dh just ignores my adhd struggles in particular. I'm very clumsy and sometimes break things and I forget things too and I get so embarrassed at this. I've recently begun telling him what's connected to my autism and adhd so hopefully the info might start going in and I can relax a bit.

I hope so. It is a very lonely feeling when it seems like they just don't get it.

Ugh I know the feeling - mine comes at me with lists of stuff.
"Shall we do this today"
"Yeah sure"
"Or we could do X, Y, Z, ...." and then wonders why I can't take it all in and thinks I'm not listening!

Get them to text stuff and then you can read it back. Saves having to remember everything 😄

I do that when we're shopping. We're currently having a passive aggressive sulk at each other because my sniffing tic is back and it irritates him. It's not my fault he wants to sit in silence on a Saturday night like a monk....

I'm in.
The biggies for me are DP not understanding how dragging out transitions (eg, getting ready to go out and he decides to just load the dishwasher first) is too much, and cooking with the oven fan/music/chatting all at once.

cooking with the oven fan/music/chatting all at once.

Oh god, mine plays Radio 4 Extra in the kitchen. It's full of annoying radio plays or old shows like The Goons. It goes right through me and makes me want to scream 😱

🤦‍♀️

Sorry, this is a different thread to what I thought I was on! (Have reported for deletion)

Don't worry. It's easy done.

Thank you

I'm going to go have a sandwich and go to bed but I'd really love it if this takes off and we can have each other to chat to.

I'm not in a romantic relationship but a lot of these issues affect my interactions in general.

Same! I'd also love to talk about the challenges of being an autistic parent if there's the appetite for it- I actually looked recently to see if there was an autism subforum and surprised that i couldn't didn't one (unless i'm being totally blind), so thank you for this OP

Forgot to say am diagnosed autistic.