Support thread for autistic people in relationships with NTs

[IncompleteSenten]

I am autistic. (Diagnosed). I was DX as an adult after both my sons were DX and the professionals involved with them began to raise it with me.

Female autism typically presents very differently in women and is often missed and so we go through years of our lives feeling weird and confused and all sorts and just not knowing why.

My husband is NT. It can be really difficult. Its not his fault, it's just how it is but I thought maybe if there are a few of us we can have our own thread where we get to chat and talk about things we find hard and perhaps give each other advice?

I am consistently surprised and impressed by NT peoples lack of self awareness. Thanks for demonstrating.

It must be a theory of mind issue 😆

@elelel

Mine makes me laugh when he tells jokes. Not the jokes themselves but his absolute disbelief when I sit and say 'what do you mean, why is that funny?'

Mine doesn't tell jokes but won't believe me that I don't like comedy at all. He's a sitcom fan and I just find them boring. Give me a good documentary any day.

LOL @ofwarren you've just described our evening here from the other way round - I struggle with facial expressions so I worry that he's angry with me a lot (plus as per pp with his passive aggressive sulking )

Therapy and mumsnet have taught me that I don't have to be a mind reader, and he should speak up if I need to work on something - and preferably now than two weeks later.

Mine tells me stuff and I automatically believe him, but then it transpires that he's just having me on 🤔

Barrow, erm, yes, I believe what DP tells me - he thinks my 'gullibility' is hilarious

@Ohisitreally

You may find this thread more suitable for your needs
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4112286-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-support-thread-5?pg=1

I just ask outright now "is this a joke" whilst he's telling me it. It kind of ruins the moment, but it's best to be sure from the start rather than ending up feeling silly.

BTW, I'm awaiting diagnosis, covid got in way, so may I lurk? I see myself in so many of what you describle.

Friend whose sons are non NT prompted me to get diagnosis some years back, finally acting on it.

I'm glad you both said that about gullibility, I've been wondering for ages if I'm just a bit thick, with some of the stuff DH has said is real 😆

Is it possible to be very empathetic but also autistic?

Barrow, yes, me too these days - after 20 odd years I should have learnt; also his unfunny jokes! aargh (sorry wasn't shouting!)

BTW, I'm awaiting diagnosis, covid got in way, so may I lurk? I see myself in so many of what you describle.

Don't see why not, we all started off suspecting we were autistic prior to getting an assessment. It's happening to lots of adults now.

Is it possible to be very empathetic but also autistic?

Yes, there are two types of empathy, cognitive and emotional. Autistic people struggle with the cognitive, but can feel too much of the emotional.

EatSleep - Have always had the gullibility problem, sigh, I've had to try and learn untruth facial signals - Mother in Law is easiest - she closes her eyes when she's not telling the truth.

Haha at least you've cracked the MIL @LilyRed! Sadly I find it makes me a shit line manager as I take everything at face value, so its hard to manage a team - never mind all their personal dramas I can't get my head around. Thankfully I prefer working alone anyway. Tbh I've taken an ignorance is bliss approach with some other lying gits!

Well that's OK then ..not sure what the faux shock means!! I genuinely thought that this thread would be helpful..didn't realise it was a private club..X

You are being ridiculous. It's not a private club but it is a thread for autistic people, not for people like you to announce your husbands autism that you haven't told him about yet. Have you a shred of an idea just how awful that is? There is so much wrong with it but unfortunately one of my biggest problems is articulating so I can't even begin to explain. I think it's enough that people are saying to quite though, and not even while you are ahead (as they say)

*quit. Obviously.

@EatSleepRantRepeat I gave up on office work (couldn't deal with the politics/drama), ran a pub, then had children, strangely I find them easy to get on with and did voluntary youth work and worked as a tutor for some years. I found most head peace working in gardening, and did that as well as the youth work and tutoring until we moved up here to Scotland 7 years ago.

I asked my girls how to deal with emotional dramas at work when they got older, two have ADHD, but are all still far better at understanding the emotional stuff than me.

Thinking hard now, so off to bed!