Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Oh no I love facebook :) Definitely couldn't come off entirely, I'd feel so cut off. I even missed it during the 18 hours it was blocked The blocking is a useful tool, though. I think I'll use it in future :)

I will catch up asap. I am nor holding my breath for my diagnosis, my mums versions of some things were so different to mine. Dh says i have to go with it "do i want this particular diagnosis or the right one". I do get where he is coming from, but i feel my mum misrepresented so mu h and that it woll affect me getting the right diagnosis :(

Argh! Getting ready to go on holiday, all in the car, DH stopped off for a newspaper. Unfortunately while he was in the shop, the car locked itself (DD and I still in it). Then the alarm went off. I tried to unlock the doors but it was deadlocked, so the only way to unlock it was with the key- that DH had.

Then DH came sauntering out of the shop, folded the newspaper, put his wallet away, walked towards the car then pressed the button to unlock it and turn the alarm off.

Meanwhile I was nearly in tears because I couldnt fucking get out and the alarm was going off and he was in no hurry to rescue us!

Now he's not talking because I 'overreacted' to being locked in the car.

Maybe my reaction isn't the one he would have had, but I'm autistic, and I'm tired and stressed from getting ready for holiday, I'm doing pretty well to still be functioning at all really, so excuse me if I got a little bit upset and being fucking trapped in a car that I couldn't get out of.

Oh, and did I mention I have a urine infection and the antibiotics are giving me side effects?

Feeling a bit better now I got it off my chest! Hope your car gets sorted soon, we had problems with DHs car and it's horrible when you don't know what's happening with it!

I have a car thing too. The engine on our car died, so we're running a clapped-out little runaround and meanwhile DP appears to have developed the world's most tedious special interest in engines and components and other car models with compatible engines and components, for the poorly car.

Hope all the car and health problems improving. I've got an engineer in my house ALL DAY power flushing the boiler, radiators whatever, something DP agreed to at great cost because the boiler engineer was the ex boyfriend of someone he works with and suddenly was his best friend....so stressed.

DD2 started the day with a 'monster meltdown' because the bathroom order was different and DP didn't walk the dog as promised. On the plus side DD1 has gone out to an art gallery with my mum who is always asking how she can help. But they will be back at 2pm because my mum has arranged to meet a friend for coffee. Thanks then.

Sorry, rant over, had to put it somewhere...hate having workmen in the house and he doesn't even drink tea or coffee. Hiding with the dog

Found you! Fell off other thread. I struggle with the organising of getting tradespeople in in the first place.

We are all recovering from a stomach bug and I am feeling stretched very thin. I really was hoping that this weekend I could have one hour alone, but no. And I really need to recharge.

I just want time to not be pulled at, bashed, or yowled at.

Chrohnically, that sounds terrifying. It's one of my worst fears to not be able to get out. I'm glad you're ok now.

He left at 3.30, so not all day after all because that's 5pm, obviously.

I only arrange for jobs to be done in emergency, really hate the whole process, one more part to be fixed and hopefully we'll have a healthier boiler.

Alarmed at how anxious today made me, have bypassed and for

Glad your car is fixable polter and hello steady hope you get a break soon.

I didn't realise either and I'm kind of alarmed at that too because I've always thought of myself as fairly self aware. I've been kidding myself though and I'm riddled with anxiety, always have been, I just got really good at putting on a capable front. It's hard but I'm glad that front is falling away.

My antidepressants are making me more anxious I've tried not being on something and I just relapse so quickly and turn totally inward. I can't function and am extremely irritable.

I'll have to wean off and change them again.

On a brighter note, we were travelling up to Scotland today and stopped off at some services for a cup of tea and a snack.

Instead of being bright and noisy as services so often are, this one was dimly lit (but not dingy) and the atmosphere was so nice and peaceful. There were people there, but they were talking quietly and it had a lovely atmosphere. No 'crappy' music playing either.

I wonder if Scottish people are quiet introverts

Some of us are hidden and there are plenty of beautiful, quiet places to escape those who aren't. Enjoy your trip.

Crohn That happened to me nearly 4 years ago and I still take the car key off dh if he gets out without us. I feel the panic and fear rising just remembering it.

Polter I know what you mean about recognising anxiety that was always there. I can't remember a time without it yet I never thought of myself as anxious, I always thought I was pretty chilled, but the amount of thinking and planning and preparing and bravery for everyday things is astonishing when you look behind the curtain.

My friend invited me to a talk this week and I was feeling good and capable and sociable when she asked & now she's asking if I'm still up for it and I'm not tonight so want to cancel but I don't know how I will feel on the evening in question. I already had to pass up a previous thing and despite her living round the corner I haven't hung out with her for about a year (but she's still my friend, lovely person) and I think I have to do it cos two in a row might mean never being asked and that would make me more sad.

I'm having a nice time in Scotland, but the shock of being away (haven't been away for six years) is getting to me and I've had gut cramps and now bad sinusitis I'm on codeine and anything else I can find. The landlady is nice, but scary. The cable car up Ben Nevis was closed this afternoon due to high winds.

I really relate to all these stories about anxiety. Once, my children set the car alarm off while they were inside it, parked outside our house. I ended up crying and phoning my dad because I didn't know what to do!

People often say to me that they would feel as anxious as I do if they had a child with severe SEN as I do. But the reality is that I've woken up anxious every day since I was a child.

Hello everyone, haven't read the whole post but reading the resources. V interesting.

I have a lot of AS friends but almost all men, and for a long time I've wondered if I am autistic. I was in the process of being diagnosed by CAMHS when I was 17 but had a lot of difficult personal events so it got left by the wayside for a bit. I have had a lot of chronic anxiety and depression, which are being treated, but I was wondering how much support I would get with an AS diagnosis as an adult (I am 26) and if it was worth it. There's a really nice new doctor at my local surgery so wondering if it's worth bringing up. I find it hard to physically get words out when talking to people and often stammer/slur words a bit - is this something other people have? I did the ADHD screening test and got a high score, but I wonder if that's influenced by my anxiety - I have a degree of dermatillomania which comes out when having to sit still in a sensorily (is that a word?) uncomfortable environment.

I work for a company well-known for being a great employer and they are good about my current reasonable adjustments.

I'm on the Hants/Berks border, covered by Basingstoke hospital if anyone knows about coverage in the area. When I saw CAMHS before I think a lot of very female type AS traits I have tripped them up a bit and I think they thought I was more borderline because I'm so used to hiding/blending in.

And yes, for me the struggle to get words out is a physical thing...it's connected to my anxiety, like a stammer.