Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Oh Gumblebee - you are so lucky to have someone who can make your cuppa the right way!! It's still not right for me even if DP could, as he's up, therefore disturbing my morning peace. Bless him!

I'm big on morning routines. I've always been quite good at mornings as I really liked the calm of being up on my own. I wonder if that is the reason I always woke up so early even as a teenager. I'm more likely to sleep in/lie in bed reading now that I live on my own.

I don't think I could get up extra early as I'd just fall asleep! :) DH and I made up but I'm getting the impression - again - that he doesn't really believe in adhd and thinks I'm over thinking things. It turned out he wasn't upset by the alarm or the fact I snooze it a few times, more concern that we'll have to get up even earlier when we move and it's making him anxious that I'm not preparing for that now (move is in December! ) and also that I only have about 5 minutes spare for setbacks, not 20. I think 20 is too much but he explained that is building in time for DS to get upset by the setback and be comforted and then correct it. Otherwise I end up dragging him in upset. And he has a point here. It's one I hadn't really thought of before, which you hunk would be a pointer towards (neuro) atypicality, because most people would probably have figured that out at some point in 7 years of parenting. This is what confuses me too. He will occasionally be really jarred by something I do and point out that it's not normal to struggle with it and is supportive of seeking medical help etc but at other times he acts almost as though I'm not trying hard enough. I suppose it's just frustrating when you don't understand?

It took a decade to teach DP to make tea the way I like it, or at least a close approximation (he still leaves the spoon in the mug while it's brewing so the water and bag can't swirl properly, adds milk before taking out the teabag, puts too much water in the kettle to boil, and reboils the kettle with the remainder of the bold water in it I have learnt to tolerate these.) I know I'm lucky, and wish I wasn't like this. I learnt to drive, but I just can't do it, anxiety-wise - haven't for years.

Welcome catl1tter!

I know I am very lucky - as well as all that, DP cooks all the meals (I'm not good at sequencing actions and tend to burn things and mess up, which is of course the end of the world), does the laundry, and does all the washing up. He struggles with many of the same issues I do and found my assessment interesting for him personally as he appears to have a lot of ASD traits too, and we struggle with keeping up the house and everything else one has to do.

Did anyone hear this yesterday on Woman's Hour about both partners having ASD?

I'm sure DP has AS too and we are a bit of a disaster together at times. What he needs to relax (radio and TV on whilst playing guitar) is the opposite of what I need (silence) and he reacts very badly when I struggle. And after 17 years he doesn't know how to make me a cup of coffee the way I like it.

Polter
Sounds shit all round!
Hope he's been for the car by now.
- both calorie free.

I was coming on to rant too again
So much going on at the moment to worry about that I can't stop it all whirling about, so feel very stressed/anxious, but not sure which bit is bothering me most.
Fed up of ds1's school, lack of communication. Another of my dc who masks so well that I'm constantly told he's fucking fine, but they don't have to pick up the pieces or make him go into school every day!
Ds2 is obviously ready for a break as his behaviour is ramping up. CAMHS on Friday but he's refusing to go, just endured a big violent meltdown because of it, he ended up standing in the garden shouting swear words at the top of his voice! PE teacher at school gets angry with him and doles out bog standard punishments. FFS, I've sent a bloody rainforest's worth of info about PDA, but he looks fine, so that's that!
There was something else but I can't remember!

Thanks for the link boot.

I do kind of wish there was a transcript! Does anyone else find they click away when news stories etc. turn out to be video, and massively prefer reading text to listening/watching things online?

Oops, missed all the more recent posts Sorry to hear about all the stressy days

Hang in there polter and lechien, I hope things improve soon

Last week was like that here - broken boiler, half term - everything went wrong and I seem to be in recovery mode this week.

Gumble yes to transcripts. The first thing I did was scroll down looking for one, I'd much rather read than listen.

Bloody garages! Bet they haven't contacted you either!

Got to the bottom of ds's mood tonight - the pe teacher started the football session by saying it was going to be fun, played a match - him vs all the children, he won by a mile, ds wasn't having fun (as promised) so messed around and was in trouble.
Hurrah. How do you sort out this stuff?

I looked for a transcript as well! I even googled to see if I could find one elsewhere.

It was well worth the listen.

Now in A&E. ds2 has cut his fingers pumpkin carving at Young Farmers.
Going to be a long wait :(

Pleased to report that work got better today - one of my colleagues has a sensitive DC, which helps. The colleagues are great, to be honest, it's just the managers that don't get it. Dcat has been all over me, which has also been very soothing. I just need to play catch up with work tomorrow & Friday. Hilariously, we've got a compulsory meeting to do with our health tomorrow. What's the chances I'll say something about having anxiety & the current work situation exacerbating it?

I find I can't listen to things unless I'm doing something else with my eyes and hands. I can have a conversation okay and I can listen to a lecture and take notes (but that's tiring), but for radio, audio and podcasts and TED talks etc, I have to have it on in the background while I'm doing jobs around the house, or do a rubik's cube at the same time. If I just sit and listen, then my mind wanders and I miss huge chunks. If I'm by the computer then I try to read something at the same time which blocks out the audio. It's weird. Even watching TV I find that halfway through I have to pause it and do whatever is distracting me and then go back.

I need to block myself from facebook! Keep having interactions on there today which are causing me massive anxiety and then just when I think it's fine I go back and make it worse! Nothing really that bad, just trigger points for me.

Yes, I drove my teachers crackers at school as I doodled constantly in lessons so I could concentrate, then when asked "What did I just say?" would repeat their last three sentences word for word One of them decided to make me pay for a new exercise book, the others just left me to it eventually.

At college, I have my own paper

When I read text on a computer screen, I have always liked to constantly highlight and unhighlight the page of text, too. I've got out of the habit, with my phone being the main way I now access the internet, but that used to drive DP nuts. Dunno why. He wasn't the one reading it.

My DDs are doing online schooling and when I get stuff ready for them I set out the text book, the worksheet and a pile of paper for doodling

Polter you poor thing. Cars are such a headache aren't they. Hope it gets sorted.

Bertie I came off FB completely about a year ago. Never missed it. I used to feel all irritated by it.