Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

I'm so glad I have a name for these things now - not because I want to stick a label on myself or limit myself or find an excuse or any of that bullshit people say if we seek a diagnosis, but because it means I've found people who get it.

Best of luck for Thursday only.

Haircuts can be really stressful

Timely FB share about all people being on the spectrum

Good luck only

I think I'm still shit with people, it's rare that I feel comfortable socialising, even online. I seem to get it wrong all the time, I don't do the humour right or I get too intense. I was really disappointed to find that online is the same as RL, but it is easier to hide online.

Thank you Polter

Thanks

I managed to find the bleakest, slowest film. It was meant to be a black comedy but it had a really lovely muted colour scheme, lots of green and grey all the way through and it calmed me down.

That article is good Phil. I had 'we're all on the spectrum' comments from friends when my DDs were diagnosed, I've been avoiding them while I go through the process myself, I'd probably blurt it out and I don't want to have to try and explain.

I like that blog post.

I found myself wishing the other day that there was some kind of "reverse drug" which you could give people so that they could live a day in their normal life with your impairment (ADHD or ASD or whatever it is). It's so difficult for people to understand. I wish they could (have the option to, of course!) experience it so that they would really get it. I think the problem is that it always sounds like an excuse, an excuse that they would love to make so they get a bit disgruntled and assume it's laziness.

This thread is about to fill up, BTW :)

I'm fighting quite a Bit of anxiety this week.

Things happening at church mean.that I'm finding it hard to act normal.
It's stressing me out.

Dd and I didn't go to toddlers at all last week because the person who runs it managed to upset me on Sunday.
(She was bejng unreasonably unmoving on the situation and talking aggressively, so i told her she was being aggressive. Her answer to that was to aggressively tell me to rethink my words. So I repeated it and she got all upset about it.
Apparently, it's more important for me to be concerned about others' feeking than it is for them to be concerned about mine.
It really gets to me that I'm just classed as a nuisance person who doesn't matter and has to worry about other people!

Anyway, so I have to see her at church tomorrow after avoiding her all week
And I have to decide whether to act as if I've completely forgotten about it all or to act like I'm bothered.
A) has the advantage of professing innocence and forgiveness /recociliation
B) has the advantage of showing that I'm not just forgetting about it and expecting everything to go back to normal.
The two strategies also have huge drawbacks in that whatever I do, it's going to be my fucking fault, even when there were clear errors of both judgement and behaviour on her part (too).

I'm juat waiting for the punishment following the service.
Actually, I'm fully expecting to be told I won't be allowed to be in the choir this week. (When I had a meltdown a few weeks ago, I was informed that the next time I have a meltdown I'll be forced to miss choir for a week and sit in the congregation. My favourite part of that was that there was absolutely no offer of the support and help they'd "promised" me previously )
I haven't had a meltdown but I'm expecting the same punishment.

Punished for having a meltdown?
That's awful!
Hope it goes better than you expect

They sound awful by the way, it's them, not you.

Oh yeah.
I thought it was ironic.

But they said that they had to show that they were "dealing with it" and "not just letting people act any way they like"

Oh, and completely disbelieving me about the aspergers. And as above, both separately making comments about alk people being on the spectrum (2nd person said it in company of 1st person, thus "validating" 1st person's misconception

How did you meltdown? Meltdown like shouting at people, or meltdown like crying?

Doesn't really matter it's done and you were sufficiently "punished" for it, so it should be behind you. I wouldn't worry about it, and if they bring it up, I'd mention you were dealt with and it's no longer a topic of discussion.

I personally stick with B in my life choices for the most part. But this has also gotten me into trouble and caused huge fall outs. It's also saved me a heck of a lot of grief in the long run because everyone knows where they stand. I guess it's really a matter of if it's worth the fight or not.

Oh nickel that's just horrible :( I agree, it is THEM, not you.

And UGH at the whole 'everyone is on the spectrum' thing, erm, no they aren't!

Bloody hell nickel that's really harsh of them

What kind of church is this Nickel? It sounds awful. Could you have a break for a few weeks. I stopped going to church. I couldn't handle the group/family/all think the same vibe.

Hope you can sort it out.

I heard of an Aspergers teen being told he was not "Christian enough" or words to that effect. I think he didn't want to attend some group. The person who was telling me said he should just have gone along to keep the peace.

Immediately I said he could not go because he knew he would be lying. She didn't get it but I did.

Senpai I finally caught up with your cake last night. What a lovely giggle I had. Thank you.

I didn't talk about it when it happened, because I've got a lot of stuff to work out around it.
I had a meltdown a few weeks ago at church. It was mainly shouting, but also a bit of shutting down to prevent myself exploding further.
They didn't "accept" it and thr following week, after the service, they said that thr next time I had a meltdown I would not be able to be in the choir the following week.
That was their plan to shoe that they were doing something about it...
On Sunday evening last week, I had a disagreement and sort of argument with one of those involved from before. Definitely not a meltdown, but people did see it, so I had worked myself up to think they would use that to use the punishment.
I'm finding church life very difficult at the moment because I just don't know what their next move will be.
(It's not on the lines of helping me)

Quick last post just to neaten things up