Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Ha! OMG! My cakewreck made the "news"!

It did taste pretty good! :)

I think you can sign up still if you want it, Phil :) I find it gets filed handily away into my "Promotions" tab in GMail, so I can look at it when I want to, it doesn't clog up my phone with notifications etc.

That cake is so funny

I love words and have to keep repeating little rhyming phrases to myself. Some phrases feel nice in the mouth

I like made up words for example .....plermy...not sure if it is a real word. An ex boyfriend used to keep me entertained making daft words up. I would get the hysterics. hidden Papa Lazerou comes to mind....."Sandois...no serisme" comes to mind.

If you have never heard of Stanley Unwin have a look on YT. He had this made up language. It is my first memory of finding something hilarious as a child.

You know the "everyone is on the spectrum" thing, well, can someone please give me a credible sentence to say about it. I know what I want to say, but as this isn't one of my subjects, I end up spluttering and farting about and can't actually say what I mean.

"The spectrum applies to degrees of autism in autistic people only". Not very good I know.

Better than my efforts :o
Thank you.

It's so simple, but I come across like a village idiot :o

I do have the talk round up, turns out I've trained my brain to ignore regular spammy type emails.
I've just had a read through and have nearly cried at someone being "shot" by a champagne cork.

Perhaps we should say: "it is a common misconception", and then what Polter said.

The fact is it is hard for others to get it because they can't think outside the box, they have this kind of tunnel vision

If people knew how difficult it was to live with, they wouldn't be so quick to try and make these claims

agree hidden, they just don't get it and the sad thing is we can't explain it to them (I guess it is the whole communication/interaction problem.

Tell them to imagine being frightened the whole time and to try to imagine how going to the shops feels as though you're in a noisy, bright nightclub full of people with scowling faces that you can't talk to

I could tell them that often I say something and that people think I mean something different and then they get my intention completely wrong. Then I go away and one more time wonder what is wrong with me wishing I could hide somewhere for a little while.

Agree Molly. It's people laughing at things I say that I don't think are funny, and looking blankly at me when I make jokes. Or people looking askance at the things I do to calm down while treating as normal the things that other people do to calm down. Or people being simultaneously amazed by my abilities and amazed by my incompetence. Or people doing things for me that they think are nice that are horrible, and when I try to be nice I've always for it wrong somehow. It's people turning up with different hair, different makeup, and different clothes, and expecting me to be able to know who they are and still see all their subtle facial expressions when they've used something that completely changes the shape of their face. Or expecting me to understand their expressions when I've just met them and don't know the unique shapes their particular face makes yet. Going into a doctors' surgery and being the only person who jumps and wants to cover their ears every time the display beeps to call the next patient. Breaking down in tears when people confront me in public. Going into a shop for a winter jumper and not being able to find one that isn't horribly scratchy. Not being able to work out which words are likely to be understood and which words are apparently not common vocabulary. Not being able to understand why the contents of my pants make people think I should wear uncomfortable shoes or why a hoodie is not considered "appropriate" for an interview (I feel comfortable and confident in it, it's clean, it's practical, what's the problem?)

Oh, I'd like to hide somewhere for a little while, actually until Thursday will do. I have my 3rd assessment appointment and I'm hoping that's it, they've been strangely unclear about the process, and I'm so worried I've made a right mess of it and really anxious about the outcome.

I know there's nothing I can do but wait but it's hard not to go over all the garbled things I've said and the odd thing that is blatantly untrue, it's like my head thinks one thing and my mouth says another. I think they've got the measure of me but it has been fairly gruelling and one of them has really challenged me on things I've said, which has surprised me. Anyway, they've said we need to focus on repetitive behaviours to get the forms filled in.

Aside from that everything else is pretty stressful and I'm waiting for a big decision on something that I've been working towards for a really long time so all in all I'd just like to crawl under a blanket until the end of the week and maybe I shouldn't have gone to the massive sensory overload hairdressers today.

Sorry, bursting at the seams here and I'm trying really hard to say what I need at home but DP sees it as moaning. And DD1 is so sensitive to my mood changes. And I've given up

That cake did make laugh though

Can anyone assure me everything will be fine, or just speed up time a bit?

And I liked that echolalia article, really interesting. DD1 repeats things I say quite a lot and I hadn't thought about it further than that.

Thanks Polter that made me cry a bit, which is probably what I need. It's hard having to hold it together for everyone. I'm going to go and get under a blanket, put my headphones on and find a film to watch.

Gumble I think that's probably the clearest picture I've heard about autism, and clears up the "But how do you process things different" I've always had.

only Hang in there.