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MNHQ

Baby-proofing your marriage - online chat with author CathyO Neill, Monday 26th Feb 9pm

265 replies

carriemumsnet · 22/02/2007 10:53

Cathy O Neill is co-author of Baby-proofing your marriage - How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows and will be answering your relationship queries live here on Monday 26th Feb from 9-10pm.

We've got five copies of the book to give to the first five members to join the live discussion, but if you can't make the live chat, you can post your questions in advance below.

Thanks and hope to see you on Monday

MNHQ

OP posts:
Plibble · 26/02/2007 21:25

Also - "gobbling his Chesney"?!! LOLOLOLO!!!

hunkerdave · 26/02/2007 21:25

(I read that as "trying to turn the cock back" )

lulumama · 26/02/2007 21:25

you are right WWW....but it is how it is for a lot of women and a lot of relationships..

everything is an exchange of something for something else, surely, give and take,

NotanOtter · 26/02/2007 21:26

i agree cod

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 21:26

Message withdrawn

Cappuccino · 26/02/2007 21:26

what about as your kids get older?

cos you say that it gets easier

and it doesn't

it is somehow more draining dealing with little people with their verbally expressed needs than it is dealing with a bawling tiny thing that you can just bang on your boob till it falls asleep

when they're a baby you're the only two people in the house that can talk, and at least you can continue a conversation without being interrupted to be asked something about science/ poo/ Charlotte's Web

and they stay up later

is there any advice for this stage?

Pann · 26/02/2007 21:26

Ok Cathy, but WHERE is the enlightening bit, that makes one wish t obuy the book and apply the princilpes??

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/02/2007 21:26

So, top ten tips from your book Cathy?

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 21:27

Message withdrawn

marthamoo · 26/02/2007 21:27

So what else is in the book? Leaving aside the BJs and sex stuff - how else do you babyproof your marriage?

spudmasher · 26/02/2007 21:27

It makes me mad when we talk of our partners 'helping' us.

The running if the home is as much their responsibility as it is ours!!!

Surely a partnership that works is one where the partners both take responsibility for the day to day smooth running of the household.

'I've done the washing up FOR YOU' for example.

SO WHAT you bloody should do it for the FAMILY not just for ME.

hunkerdave · 26/02/2007 21:27

It doesn't sound like fun though - it sounds like anti-feminism.

Shit, is that the time? I have to primp myself in preparation for DH's oral pleasure - he bathed the children this evening, so it's only fair!

Monkeytrousers · 26/02/2007 21:27

My question is, and it's relative to the universal thing, is how can you get your partner to see that many of the problems you have as a couple re money, are fundamentally because of the low status society give to SAHM's? How do you stop your partner resenting you for staying home, working for free to support your infant, while he carries on generally doing what he would've been doing anyway, but having less disposable income for him?

In short, how do you stop the ?cultural? becoming the ?personal???

NadineBaggott · 26/02/2007 21:29

if only RL were like a book

Cathy, can I interest you in some pentapeptides?

Monkeytrousers · 26/02/2007 21:29

It's not anti-feminism. She just said she didn't advocate it instead of a full sex life, just an emeregncy contingency.

Stop getting your knickers in a twist!

wads · 26/02/2007 21:30

agree with cappuccino that things get harder with toddlers -that night time sleep deprevation is nothing compared to 12 hours non stop what? why? when? who? me me me that you get from 3 year olds

CathyONeill · 26/02/2007 21:30

WickedWaterWitch - will call you WWW here on in for short ... that sentiment that men need to be partners not helpers is a key theme in the book. It's a big part of the scorekeeping chapter. It drove me mad when my husband expected a round of applause for emptying the dishwasher/bathing the kids. What he viewed as a "gold star" level activity, I saw as doing his fair share.

As a working mum what upset me was that I seemed to be the alpha parent. If we ran out of milk at dinner, who's fault was it? Mine.

One of the ways I worked on this with Mike was drawing up a list of everything I had to do .. all the responsibilities involving the kids. He didn't get it until he actually saw how much was involved. then I told him specifically what I needed him to do. the other thing, and this was harder, was that I had to lower my standards. I had to say "good enough is good enough." He'd do the shopping and buy the wrong milk, or put awful clothes on the kids. But if I want him to be a co-parent I have to get out of the way and stop treating him like an assistant mom.

Sorry WWW - more than you probably wanted!!

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 21:30

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 21:30

Message withdrawn

Cappuccino · 26/02/2007 21:31

people shouldn't expect their dh's to help

they should just tell them what to damn do

like staff

WideWebWitch · 26/02/2007 21:31

lol hunker, good question MT.

I'd like top ten tips too.

Mine would be go back to work asap, pay for as much help as you can get, marry someone who believes in equality and actually delivers on it.

FluffyMummy123 · 26/02/2007 21:31

Message withdrawn

gothicmama · 26/02/2007 21:32

cathy what else is in the book,

CathyONeill · 26/02/2007 21:32

Monkey Trousers - have you ever given your husband a Training Weekend? Left him alone with the kids for 48 hours. Does he understand what you have to do all day? Has he ever done it? Being left to man the kid ropes for at least a day and a night works well with a lot of men who are clueless about how much their SAHM wives do.

lulumama · 26/02/2007 21:32

hmm..not sure that would work ! i don't like to be treated like staff !

anyhoo...this book at 200 + pages is obviously about more than blowjobs..so let's hear a bit more.......!