Baby-proofing your marriage - online chat with author CathyO Neill, Monday 26th Feb 9pm

[carriemumsnet]

Cathy O Neill is co-author of Baby-proofing your marriage - How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows and will be answering your relationship queries live here on Monday 26th Feb from 9-10pm.

We've got five copies of the book to give to the first five members to join the live discussion, but if you can't make the live chat, you can post your questions in advance below.

Thanks and hope to see you on Monday

MNHQ

WWW...you sounded scarily like Xenia then.

OK Cathy, fair enuff.

I wasn't twisting my knickers.

I just find the idea of giving sexual favours to my husband for "being a good boy" pretty yuck, really.

I agree lulumama, it is an exchange of skills - DP is good at cooking so he cooks (and shops and hoovers) I'm good at making money so i do (a larger porportion of) that...sometimes i wish i was a kept woman tho (ducks to avoid barrage of post-femenism
)

what happens if dad stays at home how do you baby proof the marriage then

my dp liked your tips cod - work for us!

Cathy, is there anything about the support available to new first time parents and where to get it? Importance of social contact etc? Mumsnet/baby groups etc?

Message withdrawn

Well, gothicmama - you help him out a bit, do the washing up, bath the kids etc and then he performs cunnilingus to say thank you.

'tis nothing like the Piers Morgan session.

Not one of you has gotten dressed up, to type.

"my tips ( i am sure you are on the egde of your seats)

is to go out iwht your dh occasinally and get hammered:

solves all your pobrlems
*you get beer gogoles onand find him HUGELY attractive
*you find yourslef hilarious

*you leave the house

*and your hangover the next day stops you doing it too often. "

R-O-F-L SPLUTTER, GAG, SPRAY
a cod classic - quote of the week
HILARIOUS

So what else is in the book ...
Chapters on:

BabyBoom: dealing with the initial shock of becoming parents.
Sex ( and again BJ is one of 30 odd solutions in there)
In-laws
Ramping Up and Giving In (dealing with more kids)
Scorekeeping - the post-baby battle of the sexes. How the "who should be doing what" debate is played out at home
Balancing Priorities: can we have it all?

Every chapter is divided into the male and female perspective ... how she feels and how he feels ... laying out the reasons for the disconnect. Understanding why our husbands were acting the way they were was v. important to us. Then each chapter has Solutions for both, solutions for him, solutions for her. It's sort of a pick and mix. Some of the solutions will resonate with you ... others might make you want to fling the book accross the room. But we've tried all of them.

I agree - it is an exchange of skills. It's when you start keeping score that the resentment surfaces. So maybe it is best to find the things you like doing and then divvy up (or outsource!) the rest. Getting a cleaner - the best thing I ever did - no more arguments about the flipping hoovering.

Message withdrawn

marthamoo sounds good to me but reality is definitly different. Icod I'm liking your suggestion,

tell me more about scorekeeping

Training weekend? oh my good god.

Oh yes, leave them alone with the kids for a weekend and they're full of admiration

for about a week (if you're lucky) and then settle back into lazy arsed husbandom

agree with cod

take the other weekend for example

I deffo didn't feel oppressed as I did the ironing in front of the telly

and dh spent the weekend on a frosty roof pulling slates up

Ah, now In-laws....this could take in interesting turn...

Now, I hope another MNer doesnt mind my asking on her behalf, but, what would you/your book suggest you do if your MIL buys you 34m of knicker elastic as a Christmas gift?

Thanks for your earlier tip cathy
What about when he doesn't do things right? I get annoyed with dh on matters of housework so what's it gonna be like with a baby when he's only around in the eves/weekends and I'm the one at home all day(in the beginning anyway)?

Ok so, inlaws are always in our whinge threads - tell us more about that bit

WWW - one of the things we say in the BabyBoom chapter that deals with the early months is GET HELP. Take out a second mortgage if you have to, sell your engagement ring. Just get help. Fight your instinct to do it all yourself. Also, we stress how important it is to let other women into your life. We should all let each other see that our lives are chaotic. No running around cleaning up before play dates ... presenting show palace perfection to our friends. Be real with each other. Cry on each others shoulders. Let our friends be friends.

When we're mums we need other women. no matter how fab your OH is he can't empathize with you the way another mum can. Don't get mad at your OH because he doesn't have a Mummy Chip, connect with other mums.

I regularly leave mine for a week at a time. In fact I'm off to the sun without them again in April.

34m of knicker elastic?????????

vvvq - I'd knit a trampoline