Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

[jimswifein1964]

OMG, I'd totally forgotten this thread... let's resurrect it, so I dont feel like the last hour has been wasted rereading

[pramsgalore]

when dd1 was about 4 we were walking down the road towards a lady coming in the oposite direction, the lady was of a large frame and had long blonde hair and very heavy makeup, just as we got up to the lady my dd shouted out really loudly 'mummy is that a man' i just kept walking but a little faster

[submarine]

I once took my 3 year old to the opticians to get her glasses adjusted, the lady doing it had the worst fake ten ever.

The lady just nipped behind where we were waiting to use a machine, and my daughter shouted " wheres that orange lady gone? "

lots of shoulder shaking, I couldnt look her in the eye when she reappeared witht he glasses.

[flyingspaghettimonster]

love this thread! both of these were my middle child, age about 2.

I had bought his big sister some barbies, and found it hard to get man dolls, so in desperation I bought a talking regan and talking george bush doll since they were cheap and I figured they would make okay dad dolls. only my son became weirdly attached to the bush doll and insisted on bringing it everywhere we went... naked. he would hold it up proudly to strangers and press a button to make it talk. it was a great relief when he stopped talking!

second thing... he had a toy frog that he was very fond of. His grandda asked him what the froggie was called, and, ds thought about it for a minute, then said "kunnt, hiss name kunnt." for some reason this was all said with a very germanic pronounciation... grandda said weakly "do you mean kermit?" and we all looked at ds hopefully... "no, not kermit, kunnt!" he told us determinedly. and so it was... and kunnt the frog got hidden whenever anyone came over from then on.

[schteff]

A few years ago we went to an Indian restaurant with some of DHs friends and DC. After we finished, friend's DS (aged about 7) ordered an ice cream in the shape of a duck called a Quacky. Just as the waiter was bringing it over he decides to shout in his loudest voice "mum ... is this called a quacky cuz it rhymes with p*ki?" . Friend swore she had never used that word before and still to this day does not know where he picked it up from!

[reeta30]

My DS is only 7mths so I've a while to wait, but one story to add...

When my brother was much younger (can't remember how old) we were out with Mum shopping in Boots. While Mum was paying at the till, he noticed the fake eyelashes for sale and asked very loudly "do they get those off dead people?" It made the shop assistant's day!

[thatisall]

my dd used to pronounce father christmas as..... fa kinkis

This was very sweet until the town xmas decs went up. She started to point at pictures of him and shout FA KINKIS very loud which of course sounds like Fuckin kids

angel

[tutu100]

DS1 was 3 and sat in the seat of a supermarket trolley. We were in the queue and he started to talk to the lady next to us in a wheelchair. I've got one of those he tells her pointing at her wheelchair. "have you?" She says kindly, "what's wrong with your legs then?". I had to explain he meant a pushchair, and there was nothing wrong with his legs other than he was a runner and so had to be strapped into something for his own safety.

DS2 likes repeating phrases. I was slightly shocked when he said "fuck teddy gilbert" over and over. When I asked where he heard that naughty word he told me from Daddy. Cue me having a right go at DP who claimed he'd never said fuck in front of ds2. That night whilst reading DS2 a bed time story it turns out he was actually saying smack teddy Gilbert (from a The Little Princess).

I'm not sure whether I should explain to nursery.

[lisaro]

Before I got married I took my 6 year old nephew out frequently. Once he very loudly asked me in the middle of Macdonalds when I was going back to prison. It was my job!

[DollyBantry]

We were staying in a v posh hotel in Scotland (with famous golf course) and DH had popped off to the loo while we waited in Reception. DS aged 3 was looking around for him and suddenly pointed and shouted "Daddyyyy!!" really loudly at a man walking towards us ... it was actually the golfer Colin Montgomerie, who legged it out of the hotel very quickly while I turned crimson and everyone else in the reception area wet themselves.

DS also enjoys asking me if the person on the checkout is a man or a woman. Very loudly. Every time we go to the supermarket

[Bambino81]

MIL came to stay last week and bought DH a t-shirt which was a picture of garfield laying in bed and the word "slacker" writen underneath. DD took one look, cracked up laughing and told everyone for the rest of the day that he was a slacker in bed. >.

[idococktailshedoesbeer]

My DN (3) declined the offer of more food at her GM's house by saying: "Mummy says I'm not to have that otherwise I'll get fat like you".

My sis's MIL, a typically Italian nonna who cooks mounds of food and is admittedly rather large, didn't speak to her for weeks.

[fatheroffour]

My parents took our two eldest boys on holiday to Germany to visit my brother and his wife. Whilst there, they went to visit a theme park called Fantasialand. My eldest (7) spotted a group of four muslim ladies in the full burkas etc and in a loud voice proclaimed:

"Look Uncle Al, ninjas!"

My bro was pissing himself, sis-in-law was mortified.

[TeaBrick]

3 year old ds: fuckinell, fuckinell, FUCKINELL!!

[Olympicpark]

highlander how completely funny!!!!!!
My dd, undid every button on my shirt when we were waiting at our local pub for a drink, had no idea till all the men at the bar started laughing. Unbelievably I had my only nice bra on.

[liveinazoo]

i think i may have posted this before and although it was 14yr ago when eldest dd was 3 i still feel slight surge of panic when behind a "larger" lady in a queue

dd1 said in a very loud voice as we queued in safeway" does that lady in front of us have a baby in her tummy..or does she just eat lots of big dinners


cue a ripple of snickering,me and the lady in question going scarlet and a strong urge to crawl into a hole and never come out

having had 3 more dcs since then there have been plenty more but that remains the most mortifying in the zoo house

[FutureNannyOgg]

DS1 at 22 months called all musical instruments drums, except he pronounced it "bum".
We live in a town full of crusty buskers, and every time we passed one he would shriek excitedly "look mummy, a bum! Bum! Bum! "

[zookeeper]

ds,11, in the queue at WHsmith this week. Loudly.

"WHAT'S SADOMASOCHISTIC SEX?"

[thepuddingchef]

On the very crowded beach last week, dd said while running over towards me...'mummy, I just did a wee in that puddle' (tide was coming in thank god) cue me looking completely mortified, I didn't know where to look

[Ilovedaintynuts]

My DS when he was about 6 came out of some public toilets and announced to a crowded cafe "uncle Tom showed me his willy in the toilet".
I was mortified, especially for my poor brother, as DS was going through a stage of asking male relatives who took him to the toilet if he could see their willies

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

DD aged about 2 to man working in tesco (more embarrasing for him than me apparantly)

'Daddy!!!'
'I'm not!!!!!!'
surely if anyone knows he's not it's me!

And the obligatory 'mummy I thought it was only ladies who had babies in their tummies?' pointing at a larger man!

[InSearchOfSunrise]

In a very quiet hospital waiting room, dd (3) thought out loud:

'Mummy, is that a woman or a man???'

Everyone turned to stare at the very manly looking lady sat two seats away from us.


'I think it's a man. It's a man! It's a man!'

[FTRsMammy]

When I was 3/4 I fell over in my grandparents garden and grazed my face, I was on the bus and a lady said to me "what a pretty girl you are but what have you done to your lovely face?" Me ( all big brown eyes and blonde ringlets) "my mammy did it!" my poor mammy nearly dislocated my shoulder dragging me off the bus!

DS when he was about 2.5 as my DH put him in the trolly at Asda shouted " noooo daddy don't toouuuccchhhh meeeee" grr pretended I wasn't with them!

A friend if mine was at Sainsbury's with her DS age 3 who suddenly shouted "mummy! Jesus is alive! Ooh can we have some Dunkers?"

Oh and my cousin (20 and should really no better) had taught my DS to say " boo ya " when he's pleased with himself about something

[FTRsMammy]

• know not no! Appalling grammar

[freddiefrog]

DD1 - we were walking through a local shopping centre holding hands when all of a sudden she starts screaming 'nooo, don't hurt me mummy, please don't hurt me'

DD2 - dropped her milkshake in McDonalds and said 'oh bollocks' really loudly

DD2 again, we used to have a convertible and one hot day when the was roof down someone cut us up at some traffic lights. Bit further on the road turned into 2 lanes and we were stopped in traffic beside the cutter-upper. DD leans out of the car and shouts 'you stupid WANKER' at the top of her voice