Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

[fearnelinen]

DD has verbal dyspraxia so I forget I have a parrot that very occasionally repeats what I say with amazing clarity. I SO wish that the last time she bumped her head I DIDN'T say "Oh please don't make me send you to school with another black eye"
It sounds so great, every time she bumps herself she wails "Pleeeease mummy don't send me to school with another black eye!" Most of what she says is uniteligible, but why oh why is this clea as day?!

[Pancakeflipper]

My boy was 3 and on a very full busy bus he was overcome staring at very large handsomeblack muscular man with amazing dreadlocks stood in the aisle next to us..

"mummy what has that man done to his hair... Are those long plaits like Jessica has? Will my hair do that when I turn black?"

Thank you dreadlock man for being wonderful, for laughing your head off and ruffling my son's hair because I didn't know what to say and the rest of the bus stared at their feet cos' their shoes were suddenly interesting.

[HappyMrsChicken]

We were walking in a forest and stopped briefly to talk to a family coming from the opposite direction and my 2.5 year old DD announces "My mummy just did a wee on the ground". It was true, there were no loos I had to go.

My DD was in reception year and the teacher told me that during the register she piped up with "I won't be fiddling today as mummy has put canesten on my bits". Teacher thought it was hilarious

[wubblybubbly]

Ohh these are fabulous

[SoMuchToBits]

I also had a communal changing room at swimming pool experience when ds was about 3 - he suddenly looked at me and said in a loud voice "Mummy hasn't got a willy!"

True, but embarrasing nevertheless....

[gingerkirsty]

Keep them coming! DD hasn't said a lot yet being only 11 wks and all, but I can't wait!!!

[bethylou]

I've just remembered that my own brother embarrassed my mum at a chiropodist by farting and then saying, "Mummy!", as if it were her who had done it!

I feel reassured by the way and think post offices are clearly places to avoid with toddlers in tow!

[ComeAgain]

I've nothing to add as my DS is only 12 weeks but this is the longest and loudest I have laughed in a very long time.

[silverdogflower]

DD aged about 2, at dinner table when on holiday in a big group of families, She was 'chatting' in nonsense words to a friendly teenager whom we knew slightly, he says "Oh you are such a funky monkey!" to her. She thinks carefully then says clear as a bell "You are a monkey cunt!" (A word we have NEVER used and she has never heard!!). PMSL as did DH and luckily all other families who were there. Poor teenager was mortified though!

[blowninonabreeze]

Please please please can somone remember a thread from ages and ages ago where a mumsnetter took her ds swimming (i think in some scandinavian country) and the DS parted the bottom cheeks of a naked lady changing in front of her locker because he wanted to see what was inside.

It had me roaring, and I still get the giggles when I think of it now.

Have tried to search but no joy.

Please someone find it!

[outnumbered2to1]

DS1 aged about 3 in middle of local post office "Mummy look at the big fat man. Why does he have so many chins?"

DS2 aged about 2 in checkout queue at our local Asda "pooh smelly man" complete with pointing to the rather "fragrant" older gentleman standing in front of us in the queue.

[lemsiprocks]

In a busy cafe when a very obese man walked past us,DS(4) laughed and shouted out ' Mummy look at that man,he's HUGE, how did he get in here?' SHHH
Followed by,'Look he's going to the toilet, how is he going to fit on the seats?'
He did have a point,but he is very loud and clear.

[KatnKankles]

I can think of loads!

I'm pregnant and my nipples are quite dark now - we were in the swimming pool changing room
DD2(6) 'Mammy, why are your boobies black now?'
Me - Sshhh, it's for when I feed the baby
DD2 - does it come out of your tuppence?
DD1 (11) - it's actually called a vagina
DD2 - A VAGINA??
me - Sshhhhhhhhh
DD2- Fagina Fagina Fagina hahahahahaha

I waited a little while before emerging from the cubicle...

DD2 informed me loudly in the middle of a shop the other day that she never wanted me to die... I said aww that's lovely darling. She said 'I never want anyone to die' (cue aww isn't she cute looks from fellow shoppers)
'Apart from FAT people because they eat too much'


My Mum tells me that we had been learning about people getting out and dying one day and the following day I piped up very loudly on a bus ful of older people 'All these people are going to die soon aren;t they?'

[colditz]

Echoey swimming baths changing room

"You haven't got a winky. You've just got fur."

[colditz]

Public toilet (ds2 aged 4, yesterday)

"You drink your drink and your tummy turns it into Lellowness(sic) and your winky wees out the Lellow wee."

[Chandra]

I'm dithering between two ocassions:

When DS was 3 he had a lot of problems putting his pants the right way around, so every morning we had the endless argument to get them to wear them the right way.

Then one day was in an overcrowded fitting room when DS says:

DS: Mum you have your pants the other way around!
Me: No, I don't
DS: Yes you dooo
Me: No I don't, can we talk of other thing?
DS: You dooooo!
It went on for what felt like a life time...

The other occasion was when he was 5 and one day, again fully surrounded by people in a Christmas ornament store, DS comes, gives me a hug and says: "Mum, I don't care if you slept with 100s of men, I love you!"
Obviously, I was on the phone immediatly asking my ex if he had been using "Mamma Mia" as a babysitting device...

[colditz]

PMSL Chandra!

[MrsRhettButler]

dd 4 and dss 5 in a hairdressers waiting for my cousins hair to be done when a large lady walks in.. cue dd 'eheh she's fat innit!' 'dss, isn't she fat?'

i was mortified and i pinched her (very slightly btw) and she couldn't figure out what my problem was

also, yesterday when she didn't want to leave tescos and i was holding her by the arm, she says 'OUCH mummy you are really hurting me! MUMMY why are you TRYING to hurt me? YOU'RE TWISTING MY ARM ON PURPOSE AREN'T YOU!' (i was not twisting her arm)

we walked past two old ladies who looked like this

[spiderlight]

Not mine, thankfully, but I was in a big MFI-type place with a friend and her two kids, helping her choose a kitchen. She took her DS, who must have been about 3, into the ladies' with her and I took her older DD across to the other side of the shop to look at some girly bedroom displays. A couple of minutes later the toilet doors opened and her DS absolutely bellowed across the shop at me in a voice that would have put Brian Blessed to shame, 'Mummy just did a great big poo in there and it STANK!!!'

She bought her kitchen somewhere else.

[buggeredwhoevergetsin]

When i was about six or seven, I had a fight with my brother at a family dinner and called him a 'cunt'! I had heard it from a bigger boy and had no idea what it meant, I made my grandads day!
My DD at about 2.5, called her brother a 'fucking little bastard'! Ds and I have never used this kind of language, and I have no idea where it came from!
When DS was little, my wicked gran taught him to tell people that 'mummy hit him with a big stick'! and when asked where I was, that 'mummy ran away with a black man!' I spent a lot of time being mortified!

[SolidGoldBrass]

DS, last year, around the stage when he was very interested in his willy, dropping his trousers at the tram stop, grabbing said appendage and yelling 'Look! WILLEEEEEE!'
Also, around the same time, I instituted a rule that playing with one's own willy is OK if done at home but not in public. I explained to his dad that I had done this, went out, came home to find very embarrased DS dad whos mate had popped round and been treated to a bit of a display - upon which I amended the rule to 'You can play with your willy at home but NOT when we have visitors.'

[brightongirldownunder]

DD, 18 months had a tendency to say "fuck you" to pretty much everyone she met. I did try and explain that she was actually saying "thankyou" but I think most people just presumed she was a foul mouthed child....
Oh and around that time she called penguins at the local aquarium "wankers"

Maybe she is just foul mouthed.....

[brightongirldownunder]

Haha at child flasher, SGB!

[ChippingIn]

I was looking after my friends little boy, (3.5 at the time), we were at the park and he went up to a woman who was very overweight and very innocently, genuinely curious, asked her if she had got so fat because she ate too many pies.... I was , , ...... I mean, why didn't the silly sod just ask me - I've hardly got washboard abs!